I m 31 n hez 35.Got married2 yrs bck.Son 6mnths.His whole family is quite abusive.Doesn't know what 2 say ,when n where!No control on tounges n temper.similar upbringHez graduate n me an MBA.though earlier he wnted a wrking girl now he is totally against it.He talks very less and his favourite passtime is degrading and humiliating me,mylooks ,my education and my family members(which he and his family members call "sense of humour").After 3 mth of staying with him i left him and aborted our first baby.Just after 15 days he started calling -apologised for his behaviour and promised me not b abusive in future n asked me to come back AND I CAME .but i found hez telling everybody its me who apolgsd. Hez a frustrated person (with no reason 2 b)He'sproblems with almost evrythng i say or do.He's improvd no doubt in this time.But story is same.A very short tempered man with no logic at all.behaves like a 5-6 yr old.he believes the policy"offense is the best defence".Is an excellent father.
2006-09-01 03:26:47 · 14 answers · asked by lets work it out 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I say leave him. Just because he's good to the kid doesn't mean anything. He can be a good father at a distance. What happens when the kid grows up and acts just like him???? Just think about it.
2006-09-01 03:31:14 · answer #1 · answered by bernie2u4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am so sorry you are hurting. This behavior of his is very immature and selfish on top of abusive. While I truly feel for the pain you are in, I must also say you have to put your child first. I normally tell couples to work out their differences, but not in the case of abuse. It is not only his abuse but your in-laws as well. Is this what you want your innocent child to grow up around? This behavior of his and his family's will shape your child. Your child could very well wind up just exactly like this man and his family.
While it saddens me to say this I think in this case you need to seriously consider leaving. Being alone with your child and raising your child in a loving and stable non chaotic enviroment will be much healthier in the long run than staying with this abusive man. Your son will grow up just like his father if you stay, Your son will watch how his father treats his mother and he will think this is how he is suppose to treat women when he grows into a man. I think you and your son will be far better off alone than in this situation. I am so sorry for your pain and hurt.
It is difficult to stay away when you think of your son. I know it is usually better for a child to have a father. He will still have his father, just on a part time basis. Even the part time basis is going to cause enough damage to this child. In this situation I would take the action of leaving and gaining custody of my child and doing all I can to limit contact with the father as possible. It IS possibe to have the courts demand supervised visitation. My daugher is in the same situation and gained full custody with superivised visits for the father. He has not visited his daughter in nearly two years and she has no memory of him, thank God. I usually don't encourage this but he is abusive and controlling and would harm the well being of my grandchild. She is better off without this man as her father. Now she has a great step father who loves her deeply and is going to adopt her. I feel sure the biological father will be all too happy to sign the papers as it will get him off the hook of child support. Sad but for the best.
I wish you and your son much happiness and a better life than what you have currently. It will hurt for a while but you will heal in time. Do what you feel is right, not what anyone tells you to do. All we can do is offer advice, but you are the one who has to live your own life and decide what is best for you and your son. Good luck and much happiness always.
2006-09-01 14:08:59 · answer #2 · answered by Serenity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he maybe a good father but that is not what YOU need. YOU need a man who is going to love and respect YOU. what he is doing to YOU is verbal and emotional abuse. YOU need to leave and find a life and a man that will make you happy. just because the two of you are not together as a couple doesn't mean that he can't still function as a father to your child. but for your own happiness please leave the relationship. no one deserves to be abused in any form.
2006-09-01 10:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by katinalln 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should get out of there for your sons sake. Sure he may be a great father now but you do not want your son growing up in an enviorment like that and I know that you do not want him to act this way when he is older.
2006-09-01 10:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you gone to a councilor together? I get the whole "staying together for the kids" but if he is abusive you need to get out! You are not being a good example to your child. Your child needs to see a healthy relationship. Our children see our relationship with our spouse and will copy that in their future. If they see that abusing a woman verbally and physically is ok, he will do the same to his wife.
2006-09-01 11:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by jewels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER stay together for the sake of child/children. Children learn by example. And his father is NOT the example he should be looking up to. I've always said, the best gift one can give to their child is to love their mother (father) and SHOW it daily.
2006-09-01 10:49:12 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not happy then home life wont be happy your son will suffer for it. There is nothing saying your son can't see his father after a divorce. Try and make it work, but if you can't live with it you should leave.
2006-09-01 10:36:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off half of what you typed I could not understand bring that MBA when your trying to explain yourself, and tell your man to hit the road rather than hit you and maybe one day your son. Get a backbone!
2006-09-01 10:34:40 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ ღAngelicaღ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you deserve to be treated better. Also if you want to stay with him because of his son, remember you are teaching your son that it is okay to treat women like this. Break this nasty cycle of this family, take your son, and you will be fine. Life is too short to put up with this behavior. Your husband only acts like this because he is so insecure with himself.
Find someone else who will love you and treat you like a real lady.
God Luck and please be careful... he sounds a little "off his rocker."
2006-09-01 10:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
walk for the sake of your kid and yourself you need a man that will respect you and your kid as well as your family you do deserve better in life if you do leave dont look back keep going but do go to family court and seek child support
2006-09-01 10:33:37 · answer #10 · answered by teresa d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋