i really love terry my boyfriend but i cant stop thinking about my ex husband i dont know what to do.. i want to marry terry but mike my ex keeps coming back into my life i havent cheated on terry and i wouldnt do that but terry is getting so mad at me i dont know what to do terry thinks mike is coming in between us but i have 3 kids with mike and 1 with terry i dont want to take mike away from my kids but how can i keep going like this?
2006-09-01 03:11:04 · 16 answers · asked by Beth m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fact of the matter is, if there are kids involved, your ex is a part of you life forever. You may not have to see him once your children are older, but you will always hear about him and what he is up to or who he is with, etc. I can relate to your situation in that I too have a boyfriend whom I love very much, and an ex whom I think about a lot. We do not have children together, my ex and I. But my current b/f and him are very good friends. Therefor, he is very much in my life. It's hard to get over someone who is still around, I know! You just have to focus your attention on your children and your b/f. Know that you will always have feelings for your ex, as love does not disappear. It may fade, but it remains still in the heart. I wish you luck!
2006-09-01 03:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It appears you have a choice to make… Will it be the father of your three oldest kids… the father of your youngest child… or perhaps just you and the kids???
I guess you need to look at what went wrong with your marriage to Mike… Whether he wants a relationship with you, other than just you as the mother of his children… Whether the wrongs of the past can be righted, or whether getting back with him would see a return of the problems which caused you to break up in the first place.
With Terry, you need to look at where the relationship is heading.
Three months ago you asked a question in which you stated that your boyfriend was treating you like crap.
Does he now treat you with respect?
It is understandable that you would still have feelings toward Mike; and how Terry may perhaps be feeling insecure in his relationship with you.
Have you told Terry that you still love Mike, or given him any reason to suspect that you might be having second thoughts about your relationship?
What is your relationship with Mike?
You mentioned that he keeps coming back into your life… in what way?
You did say that you would never cheat on Terry, but what are your ‘emotions’ telling you when Mike does come back into your life?… Are you wanting to get sexually involved with him?… Are you wondering what it may be like if you got back together with him, or if you hadn’t split up?
You haven’t mentioned how long you were married to Mike; or for how long you have been in the relationship with Terry. Perhaps if I knew the answers to those questions, I could get a better understanding of your situation.
I think what you really need to be looking at is what is in the best interest of the children.
You mentioned that you don’t want to take Mike away from your kids…
May I suggest that you can’t… and nor should you.
They are his kids too!!!
Terry needs to appreciate and accept that to some degree, Mike is going to continue to be a part of your life.
If you want your relationship with Terry to grow, you will need to help him get over his insecurities, and you may have to prove to him that you have no feelings toward Mike other than as the father of your children.
I wish you luck in sorting things out, and sincerely hope that any decision you make will be in your best interest and that of your children!!!
2006-09-01 03:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a question for you...
If you really love your ex, why did you get a divorce in the first place.
The best thing for you to do would to break away from both of the men so that you can take the time to come up with some clear answers and make some kind of decision.
2006-09-01 03:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what you should do is talk to terry explain to him that you have kids with mike and you have to let mike be involved with his children.with mike maybe your thinking about him alot because you feel that you like him in the sense that he is your kids father and you feel like you betraying terry.what you should do i talk to terry and tell mike your feelings if you have any for him.
2006-09-01 03:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a decision and stick with it. Decide which person is the best (and healthiest) for you and which one makes you the happiest. If it were ME, I would NOT cheat, though. Once this is done, it is hard to forgive (meaning getting the forgiveness from the one you cheated on AND forgiving YOURSELF) and once trust is lost, it is VERY hard to get back. Do what is BEST for you. Maybe list the Pros and Cons of each man, too. Good luck with this!
2006-09-01 03:15:42 · answer #5 · answered by asylum07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont marry terry as long as there is feelings 4 your x
2006-09-04 15:10:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to ask ur self why u and Mike divorce and see was it worth divorcing. U really need to soul search on that won. Follow ur heart because someone will get hurt or u will. If u love ur ex so much why is he ur ex
2006-09-01 03:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by sazzybmt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my ex as well. She is and was the mother of our three kids, and we had hundreds of firsts together. However, because we found a way to "not" make it, I feel that I should be true to my CURRENT love. You cannot ride two horses, and be true to both
2006-09-01 03:14:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mike R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since your husband is an ex, therefore you shouldn't love him when you're with someone else. You should just focus on the relationship with your boyfriend, not your ex-husband, you can still let your ex visit the kid, but you just have to stop having feelings for him.
2006-09-01 03:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by superboredom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get your priorities straight. Self examine the pros and cons. Make sure what ever the decision may be that it will be beneficial for the long haul.
2006-09-01 03:14:40 · answer #10 · answered by e_deckwa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋