What drives your sexual urge? I am being very serious here so save the jokes and lude comments people. I really want to know what women, especially those of you married with children, need from sex. We all know how we're often not in the mood....I want to know why we're not in the mood...is it because we're tired or our needs aren't being met? Is it because we have to be completely in the mood? What does it for you? If this is too personal you needn't answer it but I'm just wondering why some people stop having sex. And men your input on this is appreciated too.
Frankly, for me, sex is a very intimate thing and both partners have to put their full and complete attention to it, otherwise it just seems like a chore. Maybe this is why women are turned off? Thoughts?
2006-09-01 03:05:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
Someone else wanting a part of me...afraid of childbearing...two of my fears...gets boring...have to be talked into it...kids take up all your time...too tired...must be relaxed and in the mood...better sex after kids grow up...good comments...I'll keep summerizing and adding to this...LOL Any specialists out there wish to comment please do!! :~)
2006-09-01 03:20:43 · update #1
Amen sister I dontwannabe....every woman can relate to you there.
2006-09-01 03:35:14 · update #2
been married 25 years last month
i'm often too tired or have too many things on my mind to ...concentrate on sex
more often than not, i need to be talked into sex by my husband, even if I think I really don't feel like it at the time .. I am usually happy afterwards that he "talked me into it "
2006-09-01 03:11:45 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of us in your place. I've looked it up before. And mostly it comes down to being tired, like you mention. Also important is the perception we have of what the act is for, which you also mention. Is it just because we "need a release"? Like the men claim? Usually not. We're afraid of the childbearing. We're tired of the childbearing. We don't want to just be a sex receptacle. We're not sure if sex is really just for childbearing. All these came up when I was researching.
The answers? Talking about it with an understanding other - which is difficult, because their outlook and bodies are different. Talking about it with a physician, in case there are actual physical problems (which was a cause in several cases I read about). For me, trying to relax. Making sure the kids are good and asleep and the door is closed tight. Planning ahead of time so he doesn't "spring it on me" at the end of a long day when I just want to crash. We all handle it differently, so do your best for YOU. Best of all to you.
2006-09-01 10:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me personally, I have been with my husband for around 3 years and we have a great relationship. I think for some the new has worn off and we think the the days of impressing our mates are long gone so we fall into a routine and something sex is the lesser priority. Sex is often habit and with that the fire or desire wears off and were often left unsatisfied and wanting. Myself, I feel like when children come into the picture they are they number 1 priority and sometimes we tend to get so caught up in that that everything is left in the wind. We all need to remember what we fell in love with in the first place and take an hour or more (whichever you require) and love our partners, just talk or kiss or whatever you desire.
2006-09-01 10:13:19 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ ღAngelicaღ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all...I am 27, a stay at home mother of 3 and married almost 10 years. Sex has definitely become a chore 80% of the time because at the end of the day I'm just so worn out from the daily activities I've done. I don't even have time to think about me...it's all about my kids, the house and all the duties it entails getting done and my husband. Taking care of the cleaning, washing, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, homework, meal planning...and the list goes on. You start to lose that sensual side of you because you're just so busy being mom and wife. It becomes your title.....and that passionate side just fizzles away. I know on days when I'm really busy and the kids have been misbehaving, dinners running late and I've had no help all day I am so far from the thought of sex that I wouldn't care if I ever had it again...it would just be more "work" to do. Men can seperate the physical and emotional aspects of sex...unlike most women, myself included. If I am in a downright bad mood I'm not going to be ready for sex....neither am I if I'm worried or anxious or even sad. Those emotions over-ride any and everything. It wouldn't matter if my husband physically tried to arouse me, if my head is not there..it's not going to happen. He, on the other hand can have a really bad day at work and because he's so worked up he wants to release it sexually...we're so different. Also, the more emotionally in tune my husband becomes with me the easier it is for me to connect sexually. When he listens to me and I know he hears what I am saying, when he shows me he understands me and allows me have my feelings and not step on them, then I am much more prone to actually want to be intimate with him.....and enjoy it. The best example I have given my husband to help him understand is actually lyrics from a Garth Brooks song......"somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear I love you, somewhere other than the night, she needs to know you care. She wants to know shes needed, she needs to be held tight, somewhere other than the night...."
2006-09-01 10:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 23 years and find it comes in waves of "being in the mood" and "don't even think about it!" These waves relate to my stress level at the time. When the kids were little and demanding all of my time, the last thing I wanted was someone else wanting a part of me. At this stage, I am an empty nester and sex is better than it's been in years! I have time for me, therefore I want the time with him. I am not being pulled in 4 directions with no time to remember who I am. I am able to work on myself and focus on his needs as well.
2006-09-01 10:15:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it has alot to do with your sexual peak timing. They say a women reaches her sexual peak at 40 - a man however reaches his between 25-30. I've been married for 12yrs and we have a 17yr daughter. I'm very close to forty at this point in my life. There are alot of times where I'm tired and don't want to be bothered....
2006-09-01 10:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by Wanna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well speaking as a once married woman with an infant son i was always too tired. As was he. He worked all day, manual labor outside, and myshelf i took care of our infant son and house. By the end of the day were to tired and on days off there to much to do even than. It was not that niether one of us did not want to it was being tired.
2006-09-01 11:13:12 · answer #7 · answered by just divorced 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are days where I'll look forward to sex, but when it comes time for bed I've either become tired, or hubby will do something I don't like and I won't want to. Also if I ever have bad allergies that day or I'm sick, I usually won't feel like it.
2006-09-01 16:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by Moxie1313 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 28 YRS OUR SEX LIFE IS NOT A EVERDAY THING ANY MORE BUT I GUESS WE HAVE AN AVERAGE OF 4 TIMES A WK . WE PLAN DATE NIGHT SO WE CAN BE ALONE AND SOME TIMES I TAKE A NAPP SO I CANBE AWAKE WHEN HE GETS READY SOME TIMES WE LET THINGS GET IN THE WAY OF OUR TIMES TOGESATHER MY HUSBAND SAY WE ARE THE MOST INMORTANT PPL TO EACH OTHER AND THAT WE DESERIVE TO DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES WE HAVE CANDLE LITE BATHS AND MOVE NITE WE TELL THHE KIDS (THEY ARE GROWN THAT WE GO TO BED EARLY FOR MOVES WE EACH HAVE A NITE OF WHAT I WANT! WERE WE CAN TELL THE OTHER WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO GET US IN THE MOOD I LIKE BACK RUBBES WITH HOT OIL HE ON THE OTHER HAND DOESNT BUT THAT S O K ANY WAY I KNOW COUPLES WHO DONT HAVE SEX BUT EVERY MONTH OR SO AND I SEE THAT THEY DONT HAVE THE CLOSENESS WE HAVE . SEX WAS TO BE A WAY GOD MADE US AS ONE. MY HUSBAND SAYS JUST TO LOOK IN MY EYES DOES IT FOR HIM BUT HES A HORN BALL MY GROWN KIDS TELL THEIR WIFES IF OUR SEX LIFE IS HALF AS GOOD AS MOM & DAD WE ARE GONNA RAISE THE ROOF (A DAUGHTER IN LAW TOLD ME ) THEIR FUNN Y BUT THE TRUTH IS SEX IS NEEDED TO HAVE A WELL ROUNDED REALATIONSHIP WE GO DO OTHER THINGS TOGEATHER AND WE LOVE TO TALK BUT SEX IS SOMETHING YOU TRY YOUR BEST TO B IN THE MOOD FOR AND WHEN YOUR NOT AND ALL ,ITS ALRIGHT TO JUST MAKE LOVE TO GIVE THE OTHER A GIFT FROM YOUR HEART
2006-09-01 10:22:38 · answer #9 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe women get tired of sex because their emotional and physical need aren't being met. We need to feel wanted, loved and desired. We want the man to spend as much time on us as we want his desire to be as deep. YOu know what I mean?If you desire and love someone you want to spend the time pleasing them and giving them everything you have. Not just a quicky, which works sometimes if the right attitude and feelings are there. I love my man deeply and desire him and he feels the same about me so we spend alot of time on each other and we enjoy pleasing each other as much as our own pleasure. Men out there if you want your woman to spend more time on your body then you spend more time and attention on her outside and inside the sexual encounters. The same goes for women. WE have 2 children and I am never too tired for him and the same goes for him. WE just love to be together physically and emotionally.
2006-09-01 14:41:20 · answer #10 · answered by marlenekay4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋