I am confused. I don't have a relationship with my husband. He just doesn't talk about any problem.?

Question

After six years of marriage with three kids, I cannot decide if its worth it to be with him or not. He abused me emotionally and when became physically abusive, I told his family and mine. My father spoke to him about the episode and he just laughed. I told him that I will not move to his next station if his attitude does not change and that its not acceptable to me. The result is he walked out on his kids who he had come to pick to take to his mom. He is an army man and right now I am at my parents. I feel I am doing the right thing by standing up for myself, i never got any respect from him or his family. But I hoped that by taking his attitude he will see and change his attitude towards me. But its has not changed anything. If I separate from him, kids will be minus a father, I fear what will I tell my kids all aged under five years. My family is willing to support me financially and in time I can earn a living too being a trained journalist. Should I talk to his family again.

Answer 1

Well, does your husband want you still because if he does then you can work it out through forgiveness and never talk about it again. Also, that is if you are both willing to put everything you have into this relationship such as counseling for his anger problem. Personally, I think you have a way out, so stay where you are. But just don't go to a place that was worse than with your husband. Once you are emotionally and physically abused, you just need to learn how not to be a victim. Some people really do not want to be treated in a manner but do not have a place to go or have the confidence to stay away from a bad time. Something I never realized until it was too late is that those conselors get paid, their bread & butter. Of course they will try to tell you anger management but don't believe them. I have heared too many times "I've never been with someone who makes me so mad". Just don't take it as a compliment because it's just another stupid thing the abuser says to hook you. Best wishes to you and your kids. Allow your kids to come from a broken home but don't let your kids live in a broken home.

Answer 2

Hey there, I'm terribly sorry to hear that you're going through this, however you must not take anymore abuse from him. I understand that you want the kids to have a father, they're always gonna have a father, but they don't need to grow up seeing their mom be abused. Children can sense when things aren't right, even the emotional abuse, kids know. If you stay your kids will always wonder when they get older why did u stay, why did you put up with dads abuse, why did you let them go through this? Go ahead and let your family support you and make a new start, its time for you to be happy again.

Answer 3

I am not qualified to answer this question with authority, you should speak to a professional about how to handle this situation. I would secure myself and get my act together. You should weigh all consequences.

Divorce is the last resort, its very painful more so since you have 3 kids, having said that, its really a decision that nobody but yourself can take.

You should speak to him and be persistent about getting a commitment from him on his abuse. Also try and get a job immediately. Its important for you to have some income to give you the confidence which in turn will give you the right frame of mind to make the right decision.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

If your husband is abusive, he is NOT going to change. It doesn't even sound as if he cares, much less that he'd even try to do something about it.

Your kids growing up without their father isn't going to do them any harm, believe me. And if they're really young, they'll adapt a lot faster than you will!

It sounds like your family is a good support system for you and you have some plans about a career in journalism. You're getting a really good start and making positive steps towards independence. Believe me, you're all going to be just fine! :)

Answer 5

Yes, keep his family informed about where you are because of the kids. Don't go back to this man, he's not going to change. And if he's in the service, the Army will garnish his wages and send them to you out of his pay every month. The kids don't need to see parents abuse each other. You don't have to tell them anything at the moment. They are too young to understand at the moment. Godloveya!

Answer 6

If your husband is in the army, then you should be able to get free counseling--not for both of you, but for yourself. I think you should definitely leave him. What would you rather explain to your kids: Why their dad isn't around? Or why their dad beats their mom. They will understand when they get older. The reaason I suggested a counselor for yourself is because I thought a counselor could direct you in how to handle this with your kids. But in any case, I do not see how you could stay with an abuser; believe me, in the long run it's not good for ANYONE. You should stay with your parents for now, for sure.

Answer 7

You need to sit him down and talk to him...Explain to him that you are willing to go to his CO to resolve the issues. In the Army a man can be given a dishonorable discharge for physical abuse on a spouse. He will get the picture. They also will be willing to assist with your divorce and/or make sure you are comfortable....trust that he doesn't want to loose that pay increase.

Answer 8

I think that you have done the right thing.It's hard at first I know..I've been there. You deserve to be treated right. You are his wife and the mother of his children...and he should treat you with respect.It is hard to know that your children are without their father in the home... but, you wouldn't want them to see him be emotionally or physically abusive to you... because then they will live in fear..and maybe even end up in the same situation. I tried to hide all of it from my kids... but, they're smarter than we give them credit for...they knew. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. And, be VERY THANKFUL that your family is there for you in every way! Good Luck! And God bless! :)

Answer 9

Physically abusive men are dangerous to have around. You and your kids are well rid of him. wehn your kids grow up and ask why you left their father, tell them he was abusive and that he hit you. Your kids will understand and will support you.

Your family is willing to support you now. take their help and get on with your life.

Answer 10

No, don't talk to his family again. Keep standing up for yourself and don't allow yourself to fall back. Stay with your family and move on. I know you want him there for the kids but its not worth the abuse. It will end up happening to them too!