i desperately need advice so i am hoping someone can help. i have been going out with my bf for 6 yrs and we desperately want to get married - we were hoping to do so next friday. however unfortunately for us we belong to different ethnic backgrounds. i am a muslim and he is asian... very different.
when i told my family, they arranged for me to marry this very rich guy who i DO NOT like. but they have set it up so that i am 'engaged' to him. they wont take no for an answer and on top of that it gets more complicated.
my father is very violent and has threatened to kill my partner and i know he will make my mother's life a living hell. however my mum wont put her foot down and divorce him because she wants to live off his income...
so now i am stuck. i either keep my family happy and ensure that mum and my little brother/sister have a dad (screwed up as he is) or marry the love of my life this friday and stuff up the life of my mum and the little ones.
Desperately need advice :(
2006-09-01 01:14:39 · 33 answers · asked by lilmisssquare 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You must go with your heart, I have the same problem as you, I do not care much for my parents closed minded antics, but they still posesses custody of my little brothers. There is no simple answer to the dilemma but you must go with your heart and marry the person you love. One day the little ones will be older and you can take them away from all that bull crap. Infact it is their manipulative and controlling behaviour that his driven me away, you cannot be expected to sacrifice your happiness. I am aware that in Asian culture (if that is your culture) this is how it has always been done, since I ran away from Pakistan for this very reason/ but it has to change now. Marry the love of your life and if your father does anything you must report him.
Your father will just have to learn to live with it, and it is your mother's fault (like mine's) that she puts up with it, because she has no one else, no money and for some obscure reason - loves him./ If she sees it bad enough she will leave of her own accord and things will work out. You and your whole family deserve better. Go with your heart.
2006-09-01 01:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are in a very difficult spot in your life. I understand your feeling for you mother and brother/sister, but you also have a life to live. If it is possible for you and your b/f to get married and move away from your family for a few years, maybe by then your dad will have settled down. I would not get married if you have to live close by or even in the same town, there is to many chances that something bad could happen. Let us know how this works out for you. Good Luck and be happy, a marriage is suppose to be a happy time, do not let this interfere.
2006-09-01 01:22:17 · answer #2 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a tough choice - I'm sorry you have to go through it. The only thing I can say is this: people are in charge of their own happiness. Your mother knows your dad's nature, and has chosen to stay with him, even though it's a potentially dangerous situation. It is her obligation to remove your little brother and herself from danger. Their happiness should NOT depend on you - only YOUR happiness should depend on you. Your father has put you in an unfair position, which is bad enough, but if you think he is serious in carrying out his threat of killing the man you love, you should contact the authorities. If I were in your situation (and I'm not, so I don't REALLY know how you feel), I would advise my mother that I was running away to get married, and for her to take my brother and get out before Dad took out his anger on them. Then I'd marry my love, stay hidden for a couple of months, and then contact my father. I'd explain that I was married, that there was nothing he could do to prevent my happiness, and if he wants a relationship he had to welcome my husband into the family and accept our love. If your father chooses to remain angry, you may have to cut him out of your life, at least for a while. Well, good luck - I truly hope you can find happiness with your love AND your family!
2006-09-01 01:21:46 · answer #3 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG sweetheart we need to talk! We have same problem but my bf is the muslim and im aussie. I say u should go with your heart. Marry the man u love because you will regret it in the end when your living a life with a man u dont even like. You cant please every one. No matter how hard u try there will always be someone thats not 100% happy. Its your life and u need to live it. Your brother and sister will be ok. Your mum needs to deal with your violent father! You cant carry all your familys problems on your own, and you shouldnt have to. we should chat on messenger. i will im u. Melissa
2006-09-01 02:01:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's quite a dilemma you are in. Let me start by saying no family is perfect. Unconditional love is when we love them not disregarding their mistakes, but regarding them and choosing to love them inspite of their mistakes. Having said that, I dont by any means mean to say that this includes tolerating abuse. The way I see it, family has been there for you since you were born. The 6 years your boyfriend has been with you has been but a fraction of that. It looks like your mother really needs you as well. She needs someone who is strong enough to help her move on from your abusive father. Is your mother ok with you marrying this boyfriend? If so, that's all you need. I think it is very important to have our parents blessings if we can, it really does lead to a better life for us. You should tell your mother that she should send your dad to counseling and if it does not get any better then to divoroce him. If she wants to stay with him solely for his income, tell her that you and your new husband will gladly support her with your combined incomes. Now if she does not agree to you marrying your boyfriend, then ask her why she is against it. Is it solely because of his race/ethnicity? Tell her to get to know him and give her time to come around. Either way get her out from under your father's eye and keep her with you. I am not asking you to give up the love of your life for your family, it just seems like your mother will be defenseless with you gone. Maybe you can reach some sort of a compromise with her? But the most important thing right now is that she is safe from your father. And if your father really is serious enough to harm your boyfriend, get a restraining order issued. Just remember, your family has always been there for you and will be in the future too (if you and your husband happen to have a conflict), now is your chance to be there for them.
2006-09-01 02:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by Missy chandrasekar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make your heart happy, you and you alone, have to live with it all your life.
In most states, the threat to kill someone is a crime.
If he hits you file charges.
It would be a good thing if when you do marry the love of your life, to move very far away.
Actually, this sounds like one of those Lifetime channel, made for TV movies.
In your heart you know the right answer, now just pray for courage to follow it.
2006-09-01 01:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by ms_books3736 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow u are in a very tough situation
well ithink u should go ahead an marry ur 6yr love, they have no right to tell u who u can marry, and if they really cared about u being happy in the future then they wouldnt make marry that other guy, since ur mom is with ur father for the income that is wat she is tryin to do wit u and the other guy
really i think u 2 should run away together and dont tell nobody, i mean dont go half way across the world but just get away form ue family and handle ur own business cuz onyl u can control ur future not ur family
2006-09-01 01:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even though it is complex and complicated, you have to do what makes you happy!! coming from someone who has spent her whole life making others happy, you wont feel "complete" until you do what you want to do. family is important, but I think that if they really love you(which I would think they do) then they will come around eventually. it might be hard in the beginning, but I think that whichever decision you make will have good and bad consequences. so you might as well go with the decision that will make you the happiest!!
I wish you the best of luck!! and I hope that everything turns out ok!!
2006-09-01 01:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by goddoesnt_makemistakes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your predicament. There's probably no negotiating with your father, so that won't help. As hard as it sounds, you might have to let your boyfriend go. It sucks, but unless your potential new husband don't mind you having a boyfriend on the side, you may have to stop seeing him altogether. Think of your family. No matter how screwed up they are, they are your family. They come first. That's just my advice. You will most likely choose to stay with your boyfriend. Just be prepared for a rocky future afterwards.
2006-09-01 01:20:21 · answer #9 · answered by Scottie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family wasn't as bad, by any means, but our differences between my boyfriend and I is that he's 34, and I'm 21 (I was 19 when I met him, him just turned 33). My parents hated him, refused to let me see him and they were about to take my means of communicating with him (my cell phone, computer) away unless I promised to tell him that I would never see him again due to our age differences. I refused, got kicked out of my house, and we've been living together ever since..I love him, dearly, and I would change nothing of what happened with me and my parents. I knew in my heart that I could never let go of him, that I had to be his girl..and that was that. I hate to tell someone to go against their family, there's alot of heartbreak involved and it's a hard road to go on...but I have to..Go with your man, get married, move away somewhere that you never have to worry about your parents again and live happily. Make sure to keep yourself safe. You both deserve a good life without the screwed up ways of families involved. kisses and blessings to you both!
2006-09-01 01:24:04 · answer #10 · answered by picturegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋