I am holding my baby's Christening soon at my MIL's house.I have invited about 30 people which include my own mother and father.My mom is very upset that I invited my dad because he used to physically abuse her when they were married.They were married for 20 years,but have been divorced for 15 years.In the last 15 years,he has since been over to her house on some holidays to see me and my sisters,also he has come over to fix things around the house,and also gave her money (when he wasn't legally obligated to).
The thing is,for the past 3 years my mom has been on disability,unable to work,because her back is so screwed up.From what she has told me and I guess also indicated from the doctors, it is due to trauma to the back. Basically,it's my dad's fault she's on disabilty and she's in constant chronic pain.
My mom said that she cannot bare to be in the same room with him anymore since he did this to her.I don't want to choose between my dad and mom.Do I have to? Am I selfish? HELP!
2006-09-01 01:13:21 · 12 answers · asked by curious_maya 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom also suggested that I have my father come later after she leaves. But I don't really think that is fair. The whole point is to witness the blessing, he might as well come any other day as far as I'm concerned if he's to come later.
2006-09-01 04:38:05 · update #1
No you are not being selfish. You cannot judge your Dad just by listening to what your mom have told you. Sometimes you need to listen to the other side of the story. Your mom maybe not a nice person to your Dad and that is why he hurt her. I do not believe in abuse but for sympathy your mom maybe doing this because of jealousy since he is back into your life? It seems like your Dad is making amends now and maybe your Mom did not give that opportunity to you guys to get to know you kids. Your Mom need to forgive and forget or else she will always be in pain and hurting. Once she let go she will be alright. It is the worst thing to harbor any anger to anybody. Or else you will always live on misery for the rest of her living days.
2006-09-01 01:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by leyte6519 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to choose between your parents, and you are not selfish. Your mom, and I understand she has some feelings and they are justified, but she has to think of your baby, since the Christening is for your baby. She could always stay far away from your dad, and just calmly explain to your dad that your mom doesn't want to be bothered by him. Hopefully they both can do this for you and your baby. Sorry about all the drama you had to go through as a young'in. I went through the same thing.
2006-09-01 01:59:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When parents are divorced, regardless of the reasons why, they're well aware that there are going to be occasions where they still have to see each other (their kids' weddings, Baptisms, birthday partys for the grandkids, etc). Once you have a child with someone, you're bound to see them again sooner or later.
You are not being selfish by inviting your father. You shouldn't have to choose between your mom and dad - their problems were with each other, NOT with you. If your mom feels that strongly about not being around your father, she can decline the invitation.
2006-09-01 01:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Mom should not have to breathe the same air as you father. What he did to her is unforgivable. As far as I'm concerned you father owes it to your Mother to fix anything that goes wrong in her house. He has physically harmed her for the rest of her life. Maybe you could arrange it to where he she comes in at the beginning of the affair and he at the end or maybe seat them on separate sides of the room to where she doesn't have to be near him. Good Luck
2006-09-01 04:06:57 · answer #4 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's hard to answer. But I would just tell her that he's your father and now matter what he did to her he always will be. Let her know that what he did isn't OK but it also was 15 years ago. Tell her its her choice if she doesn't want to be there because of him, but its not fair for her to make you choose and that you aren't going to (you love them both) not to be rude but she did stay with him for 20 years it comes to a point where you are no longer a victim but a volunteer
2006-09-01 01:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by amylynn31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, this is really not for you to decide. Although your mother and your father are going through their thing, you should not have to choose and it is not your fault. So my advice is for you to enjoy this special occasion with your child and let them work out the differences between the two of them.
2006-09-01 01:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like moms being selfish.Its o.k. to accept his money,let him work on the house,visit on holidays,but when you have an important event like this she wants to not be around him???Not fair.Tell her she can sit or stand on the opposite side of the room from him.But you dont want to exclude him ,after all kits his grandbaby to.God bless;)
2006-09-01 01:35:57 · answer #7 · answered by melissa_froggies 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! That is exactly my situation!!!! My ex (i think) caused my back injury and I'm on disability. Ok, answer to your question. Even tho your mother feels this way (which I totally understand), she should choke it down b/c he is YOUR father and does have a part in your life. She needs to put that behind her and not let it ruin your life. I hate my ex but I have 2 kids by him and he will be there for things for them. I'd want him to be there for my children. I have to put my feelings aside, Its not about me, its about them. Hope I helped. Tell your mom hang in there!
2006-09-01 01:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can the asker abuse me in question? If all individuals abused absolutely everyone mutually as asking a query, people who checklist might checklist him earlier he has an risk to pass with the final answer.
2016-11-06 05:14:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom should deal with your dad for a few hours ,you are not being selfish she is.I would hate him for what he did to me that now i cannot support myself and live poor and in constant pain. but I would put away my differences for my /our child/ grandchild for a few hours.my ex-husband abused me a few times , but we remained friends and get along great.
2006-09-01 01:26:25 · answer #10 · answered by smurfette_ftwayne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋