My wife is leaving me and I know that if I can just keep her from drifting away and sit down to talk about our issues we will be ok. But her parents have a strong hold on her and keep pressure on to just walk away from me and stay tight to them. I only want her to actually stop and give "us" a chance to work out our issues.
2006-09-01 01:04:54 · 20 answers · asked by mark g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My wife walked out overnight. She told me she needs time to work on her issues and how to raise her daughter happily. The only issue she told me that pertains to me is that I am short fused and nned to work on anger. She is right I have to work on this as well as the underlying streses that we had. However I never struck her or the kids and will go to any lenghts to save the situation.She refuses to even consider family counseling to resolve any other issues. In only a few weeks I can see and feel her drifting away. Exp : she went from "I love you still also" to Responding "I know" when I have said I still love her. The circle is she says she want time to work on her issues but I think know her well enough that she will just keep going the other way. I have scheduled counseling for me already. I just want her to give us a chance to attempt again. We are/were only married 9 months. first time for both. We each have a full time daughter.
2006-09-01 05:14:29 · update #1
Leaving u on what ground?But if u're right that the parents are the cause of ur drifting apart then i'll advice u to let her go.Get a better woman that will understand that when u're married the imidate family is what really matters more than the extended one.But if u're the cause of this,the next on line will leave u also.Be sure of everything before u make a decision that will either make u or break u.Goodluck
2006-09-01 02:10:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh my God, you sound like my husband....I am where your wife is, only difference is I stuck it out for 17 years and have we have 3 boys, 15, 13, and 6. It is breaking my heart to ask him to leave because I know that he is basically a good person. He has, like you, a short fuse which got shorter as the boys got older and he felt he was losing control. It has got to the point now that my older boys have said they would be happier if he left cause they can't handle his mood swings. He is not physically abusive either but emotional abuse can be worse. You never know when he is going to go into a 'low' and start taking it out on us all. Maybe if he had got counselling years ago, or anger management it may have helped but my love for him over the years has slowly died and I now fear it is too late. Go get counselling yourself, you are still young and may be able to change. Give your wife some space and work on your own issues before you start trying to sort out your marriage. It will be better for your kids in the long run and they are the most important people in this scenario aren't they? Good Luck x
2006-09-01 06:08:51 · answer #2 · answered by irish_glen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is it that your wife's parents, if they have such a strong hold over their daughter, didn't prevent her marriage to you in the first place?
Maybe your wife simply cannot find the words to express to you how she wants out of the marriage and is using her parents as an excuse.
You should try and talk to your wife about what she thinks is wrong with your marriage. But don't mention her parents at all, do this to find out what she thinks. And accept what she says, to help you learn and grow, for the future. Don't try and browbeat her or object to everything she says: listen. You are probably not going to stop her walking away, but you will learn so you can have a more positive relationship next time.
2006-09-01 01:20:44 · answer #3 · answered by granny2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many mind games that you can play to make her at least give it another glance, but when are you going to open your eyes and see that you may be keeping her from happiness. You have to both be willing to change. By change, I mean the serious things, not the petty issues. If your problems are petty than she will never be happy and you would be better off elsewhere. If your problems are more serious, and you are both willing to make sacrifices than good.
Don't get between her and her parents.
I recommend you think about what you truly wanted for yourself a month ago and go with that. If she loves you she'll try to work things out.
2006-09-01 01:19:01 · answer #4 · answered by red 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m not too sure of what advice I can give you, because you haven’t really given me a good enough understanding of your situation.
You said that your wife is leaving you.
Why is she leaving you?… What are the issues?… Why can’t you sit down and talk to her?… How long have you been married?.. How long have there been problems?
I’m not being nosey or anything.
It is just that not knowing the answers to the above questions, makes it very hard for me to be able to help you.
Please edit your question, and add more information.
Without it, all I can do is wish you luck!!!
2006-09-01 01:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so sad when any parent gets involved in their adult children's marriages this way ...
Can you afford to take her away for a long weekend ? there you might be able to sit her down and let her know that marriage does not always include the parents best wishes ....
If you really love her and want to work it out is it possible to talk with either parent ? Not both of them together BUT the one who is more softer to you in hopes to let them know your true intentions with their daughter ? Show them that your the man that will take care of their daughter and not a fly by night that is going to hurt her and they "should" come to terms with your relationship ...
I sure do wish you all the best ....
2006-09-01 01:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Sorry things look bad right now.
All I can suggest is that you both sit down and each write out what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place.
Then write down what has changed to make you unhappy- even the stupid little things. Then go through them one by one. It may be that everything has gone pear-shaped because of lots of niggling little things,not just one big issue ( I hope).
Since you both made a commitment to each other in the first place,this shouldn't be too hard.
Best of luck with your future,
Misterviv x
2006-09-01 04:22:28 · answer #7 · answered by misterviv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I suggest you :
If you love someone you have to be ready to let her go... it is love.. She will understand that she loves you or not.. only if you let her go.. and see the difference.. Do you really want to stay with her if she doesn't love you anymore?? Her parents can be strong but I believe that your love should be stronger... so think about your issues and reasons why her parents don't accept you.. there will be a reason... and try to make your best to stay close to her and show her how you really love her but first try to feel her heart.. and if you don't feel love let her go... It is painful but it gives you a choice to be happier than now..
Good luck
2006-09-01 01:11:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have done something really terrible I don't think that she would refuse to just talk to you and I don't think her parents would hold her so tight to them. I am sure while you two were together you had plenty of time to not only talk to her, but show her you can be the man she needs you to be already
2006-09-01 01:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by Ilovechristjesustheking 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to do when you have parents butting in where they don't belong. The best thing you can do is to let her go be with them. That will be a big eye opener to her when she is back under their roof, and following their rules like a little girl again. Let her go. It will be a matter of time before she will be thinking differently and possibly be back in contact with you again.
2006-09-01 01:12:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋