How do I get him to shut up?

Question

I sit opposite someone in work who can be very annoying. He is very loud in the office and forever talking, trouble is when he is in I can never get any work done due to the constant interrptions. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't want to get done for murder either. What should I do?

Answer 1

go to the supermarket and buy some lovely fresh doughnuts, straight after go to the chemist and get a syringe, lastly get some no more nails or some other super strength glue, in his doughnut syringe out some of the jam and syringe in some lovely glue, don't be shy with the amount present the doughnut to him and watch him lap up the 'extra' jam mmmm lock jaw good for annoying chatterboxes.

Answer 2

Buy some toffees and leave them in between your desks, saying that he can help himself any time! These should keep his mouth shut for a while, if he starts talking at an inconvenient moment, offer him a toffee, hopefully he'll soon get the hint, if not just tell him you really need to get this piece of work done and don't have time to talk, or don't look up when he starts talking.

Answer 3

Try and write one a piece of paper

please Mr such and such
we love you being Here But You Making so much Noise and Tell him politely what you feel and leave the paper at his desk without no one seen you
and then i am sure
he will Listen because he will doubt who is complaining

and i hope that works lol
Good luck

Answer 4

drop some hot tea on his nads, then offer to help and accidentally, grab twist and turn one nad causing huge pain. Gently whisper in his ear, shut the **** up or next time your todger goes into the pencil sharpener. I am the law around here.

Or something along those lines..good luck.

Answer 5

You are going to have to ignore him. I would not want to run to my boss to say I need a new cubicle, so you need to be strong and deal with him. Look busy, raise your index finger everytime he tries to get your attetention. Avoid eye contact. Most of all do not give verbal responces. eventually he will get the idea, he needs to calm down.

You could also just be direct, say ,hey, listen, I am trying to work here!

Answer 6

can u change your place at work somehow? u can also go to your boss (or whatever is in charge there) and explain nicely that u can't work cos of him and u re going bananas. they should take care of their employees psychic condition. i understand u completely. but telling to him to shut up directly wouldn't help i guess - it's his nature to talk a lot, u will just get an enemy but he won't shut up anyway. so best way is just avoid him somehow

Answer 7

Get an MP3 played. Doesn't have to be any music on it but just sit there with the ear phones in, so when he is talking you can just ignore him.

Failing that - just tell him to shut up!!!

Answer 8

funny, i've got one of them too
and, i'm a bloke

just ignore him, when he asks you a question
when he repeats the question and asks you why you didn't answer the first time, tell him you weren't listening, because he talks such a load of drivel you've given up taking any notice of him

failing that, invite him for an after work drink, play drunk and let him tongue kiss you, and then BITE!

Answer 9

Send him an email and tell him that you dare him to not talk unless being spoken to....get a few close co-workers in it so you can pretend it's some kind of a competition!

Answer 10

This poor guy is showing his insecurity by being loud. Try talking to him during breaks and explain how you feel. Tell him you are interested in his conversations but could he please keep it until you both have time to listen to one another.