I'm not quite sure why I like older men. Is it due to younger men lacking in an intellagent conversation? Or the fact that i have a father who has thrown me away? I have lived a long life in my short years and I know that I need some one whom can keep up with me, but is it futher than that? I do not dwell on things just looking for another observation. Does my mentality play on my attraction to an older man?
2006-08-31 21:05:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I do agree their are "Very" inmature older men out their! I am really refuering to the attraction at first sight or at first conversation.
2006-08-31 21:20:37 · update #1
I think I am much to old to look for a father figure more of a good father in general, which is also hard to find. Keep the answers coming I am enjoying all of your answers. Thank you all!
2006-08-31 21:24:34 · update #2
No, I do not have any children of my own.
2006-08-31 21:30:59 · update #3
Let me guess that you appreciate and recognize the maturity, experience, and interests that older men posess, compared with many younger men. Your profile page reflects a strong combined interest in science and culture. You also strike me as someone who is confident in their opinions, but not so proud that you can't consider another perspective. Many younger men don't have the patience for that - they are more concerned with whether they'll be scoring at the end of the night, and can't hide that ambition as well as older men. A woman who can transcend "shallow" does not bode well for a young man that may have been counting on it.
2006-09-01 05:15:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
No, there are women who have fathers and like older men or at least have had at least one older man partner. A lot has to do with that indefinable "chemistry" between people. Maybe an older man is like your father and if you adore your father then the older man lover does you some good...Generally, I think that one's attraction to someone is based on something that you lack and think (or feel) that the other person can supply. In your case, you may see an older man as a father substitute, but that is not the only reason one may have that attraction. Also, if you like to hold inelligent conversations, then maybe older men are better because they don't spend all the time talking with you trying to figure out how to bed you and they have a wider range of life experience to draw upon. I don't think you need to worry about your older man attractions too much, unless you want to have children and a father for them, in which case an older man may not be the best option.
2006-09-01 04:24:11 · answer #2 · answered by Pandak 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that question. The fact that you're answering it, suggests you have a feeling it may be true!
It also depends what you mean by older. If they are much over ten years older, then you would have to wonder if you are looking for a father figure. Anything less than that, it may just be that you are mature for your age and find men of your era immature.
2006-09-01 04:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by Kylie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never had a father until I was 13, depends on the age difference that your talking about, but I always went for the ones that were 3 years older than me. It's maturity wise that some are attracted to.
2006-09-01 04:10:00 · answer #4 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father didn't throw you away. He failed himself, failed you, and feels like a failure. He surely feels like he doesn't deserve to be a father after failing you like that. I hope he finds redemption someday.
As some have answered, the guy who is a lot older has no business hanging out with a younger girl. In every case I've sen, the older guy is a total loser ... or incredibly insecure and immature.
My ex was abandoned by her father when she was 13. He remarried and started a new family and left his existing 3 kids behind ... a total tragedy. She never understood just how profoundly she was affected by the adandonment. She denied it was a problem. I wouldn't say she went for older men ... I am only 2 years older. What she saw in me were the things she needed from her daddy that he never gave. She called me daddy (in a little girl's voice) the first couple of years we were married. I always thought that was weird. It was impossible for me or any man to fill the void left by a daddy. Her tragedy was expecting that any man could do that for her. The wound and the unresolved anger she felt were, in the end, my fault. She doesn't trust men very well and treats our son as though his maleness is an illness to be treated with medication.
You don't need to "dwell" on this - but you can't ignore it, either. God gave us all a mom and dad because we need both parents. Losing a father for any reason is a tragedy. Losing him by his choice is a hurdle in your life. Not your fault ... it just happened. As long as you know that it colors your perspectives, you will be ok. Part of maturity is learning how to sort through needs and desires in a way that is healthy and normal. Everyone - even those with daddies - will sometimes act in a way that is an effort to compensate for something that is missing. In that sense, you are no diferent than anyone else.
As a dad, nothing thrills my soul quite like my little girls just being who they are. As sweet and charming as you are, there are lots of good and kind gentlemen out there who would gladly adopt you as their daughter ... or grand daughter. Maybe God will put someone like that in your life ... someone you can trust and who will give you the encouragement every little girl needs from her daddy. But don't expect this out of a boyfriend. That isn't a role he can fill in your life.
2006-09-03 16:25:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I have the same problem too, (maybe its not a problem). Any man that is not six yrs or more older than me does not just appeal to me. I had a good upbringing so its not a question of a 'bully father'. I just find older men interesting, full of experience and intelligent, we seem to vibrate on the same level. I see them just as on the same age group with me. In fact, some of my friends are of the opinion that I am older than I think, but what i suggest is you visit a psychologist I am of the opinion that this has to do with "COMPLEX"
2006-09-01 04:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Yes ! You have it right, so many children had no father or one who didn't participate in their upbringing. Little girl's need the attention of a good Godly Father. They want to be held, kissed and loved by their Daddys, in a good clean Fatherly way. You think because a man is older, he is more mature and that isn't always the case. I made that mistake and thought a man 13 yrs older would be more settled down and more responsible...WRONG.....He is usually a man who never grows up thats why he is out chasing the young thing. When you get older or realize , he is not what you thought hopefully you won't be tied to him by children. Remember once a pediphile, always a pedophile. There are always exceptions to the rule of marrying older men, but it is few and far between. Later you will outgrow him and wonder what you saw in him. If only Daddys could be good dads, we would have fewer mixed up young ladies out there. I would suggest you read the book by James Robison, God as Father.
2006-09-01 04:16:45 · answer #7 · answered by Godb4me 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Pobably a combination of both. The loss of a father figure undoubtedly forced you to learn to fend for yourself. This probably would make males your age appear immature. I imagine the the natural feeling of wanting a father may also play into the attraction. Just don't try to marry a father figure instead of someone you love.
2006-09-01 04:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by mark g 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Someone told me guys look for girls with some traits their mothers have; girls look for guys with some traits their fathers have too.
I don't know how true this is.
I guess you prefer older men because you want love like a father you shower on you.
But that doesn't mean that older men are all good men.
Take care.
2006-09-01 04:47:37 · answer #9 · answered by gummy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Think about the characteristics that you like about these men and you may find out why you like older men.
Here is an exercise: Think of you favourite domesticated animal. consider 3-5 characteristics you love about this animal. These characteristics represent your ideal partner.
2006-09-01 04:50:36 · answer #10 · answered by jasminelilia 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋