Are we really the same (1) the one which speaks and (2) the one which feels?

Question

To have more clarity. Are we really the same what we have been projecting to the other? If the answer is NO then what are we?

Answer 1

cloaning personalities or protecting our feelings. That's what we are doing. We are still ourselves, just not wholly trusting of everybody and every situation.

Answer 2

That is a very individual thing. Everything revolves around the way we have been raised. If you were bought up having a lot of confidence in yourself, then you would be who you project yourself to be because you like yourself and you expect others to like you too. When you are confident, you dont really worry too much about what people think of you, you are just you, and if people dont like you, then thats their problem. A confident person should find people with the same values as themselves. Unfortunately though, that doesnt happen all the time....we fall in love and we dont look at anything else.

A person who has been bought up with constant criticisms will learn to say and do what appears to be the "right" thing. No-one likes to be criticised therefore it is a survival technique...if I tell that person what they want to hear then I will be Ok and I wont be criticised.

If you like yourself, if you think you are a good person, even though you dont agree with someone else, then you will project the "real" you. If you are in an equal relationship then you will also project the real you. If you are in a relationship where the other person is insucure and doesnt like themselves very much, then we tend to want to protect another persons feelings, therefore we are very careful in what we say and do. No-one likes to hurt another person deliberately.

A psychologist friend said she would have liked to have raised a child with two positive, intelligent, confident parents...only have one child....give that child everything.....do not criticise....but guide. Do not spoil, but do not treat the child like a second rate citizen. Treat that child like he/she is intelligent and do not hide life from that child...do not protect...just love and encourage...no negatives. She wondered what that child would grow up to be like. I am sure there are parents out there as I have described and it would be interesting to find out how their child turned out.

As I said, it is an individual thing. It takes a lot to be totally honest with someone, especially if that someone is insecure. To be totally honest, I believe you need to be with someone who is of equal intelligence and have equal values as yourself......a person who has the ability to respect you as a person with your own opinions and respect your different points of view...this type of person will encourage total honesty.

Gone are the days where the man is the protector and the little woman cooks and cleans and has children. Women fought so hard to have equal rights....but still a lot of people are living in the dark ages. The marriage vows have not been changed for hundreds of years....People make up their own now, but still we are all under the influence of the traditional marriage/relationship expectations. Marriage is about the coming together of two like minded spirits, who respect each other in every way....who are allowed to be themselves and who have the ability to discuss things logically and honestly. If you are in this type of relationship then you should be able to project the real you and you shouldnt have to watch what you say and do.

I have always believed in personal power. Everyone has a choice...good and bad...it is your choice. If you choose to say what you dont really feel, then you need to look at the reasons why, and is it a problem you need to own, or is it a problem the other person needs to own? Its a very complex question, and you havent given many details, but I believe you are living what you dont really feel, but are going through all the motions of being the person people expect you to be. If that is the case, then you need to re-evaluate your life and your priorities.

Answer 3

Different.