This is my boyfriends daughter...i dont know what to do...he has two kids...one was born today..none by me...but i love him and still want to be close to them..and love them but their mother doesnt want any other mother figure in their life maybe not even friend...i dont know what to be to them...but mostly i want to know how to bond with her when we do have her...how do you read children that young...i've never delt with small children like this..i want her to trust me...and know i love her regardless of the situation...and in a wihle i will have to do it all over again with the little boy...i'm young and really need help...friendly advice only...i LOve him and dont think he is going anywhere....but i want children of my own wat do i do...how do i grow closer to this little girl.???
2006-08-31 19:21:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Don't push it.
Let the child discover you and learn about you from her own curiosity. Most children will do that, even 1-year-olds.
Be pleasant. You will find a 1-year-old is far more intelligent and aware of her surroundings than you realize. If you are pleasant that will attract her to you. It's not hard to find out what a child's favorite colors are. Watch her. See what colors she gravitates to. Wear those colors.
Laugh as much as you can without seeming like an idiot. Smile a lot. Learn to be a little bit of a kid yourself.
Before you know it this baby and you will be buddies.
2006-08-31 19:37:05 · answer #1 · answered by Warren D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bond to them unless you plan on remaining a part of their lives. Your boyfriend should be wary of introducing you to his children until you have been serious for a while and know that the relationship is going to be for the long haul... otherwise you might end up breaking these kids hearts. If you do choose to stick around and bond... then I say be respectful of the fact that you are not their mother and just be kind and attentive (do not discipline) and spend time playing games and reading books (whatever they like to do) and you will slowly bond. Small children are easier to bond to than older ones... so there's an advantage there.
Best wishes.
2006-09-01 02:42:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best thing i can say is just leave it alone. Be nice to her of course. When the dad is playing with her try to join in for a min or two but dont take over. Hand the fun back over to the dad. Then a little more and a little longer next time. Eventually she will come to you because she will see you as someone daddy trust and that she can trust too.
2006-09-01 03:06:52 · answer #3 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think reading is one of the best things you can do with her. Reading is not only relaxing and enjoyable for her but it is also proven that children that are read to consistantly learn to read/speak earlier and have a better vocab. You have to earn her trust like you would any human. Make sure when you talk to her you get down on her eye level. it shows her that you respect her and makes you less of a threat. She will listen more when you are at her level. If she talks ask her what she likes to do (play certain games, go to the park, watch blue's clues). Also include her, when you are talking to your boyfriend and you say "what do you want for dinner?" then turn to her and ask what SHE wants for dinner. (she may say lollipops or something ridiculous) to which you can respond "how about some chicken and then a lollipop for dessert" but she will also understand that what she says matters to you, and that you are listening, and care about what she thinks.
You don't need a "title" to be part of her life. You are dad's girlfriend. Sometimes that may end up being better than anything else she has!!
I had a "Mary" (my gradfather's girlfriend) and she was more of a grandmother to me than either of my grandmothers.
Don't worry. Just treat her with kindness and respect. Children can read people better than adults. If you are a good person who really cares about her, she will eventually understand that!
Good luck!
2006-09-01 02:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't. Best thing for you to do is stay away from the kids until your relationship with this man matures. That doesn't mean be mean to the kids, it just means don't establish a relationship. Be nice and sweet and kind etc... but it's not your place right now to spend that much time with the kids. You should be spending your time with him and waiting a little longer into the relationship to build relationships with the kids.
Really - you outta turn and run like hell in the opposite direction of this loser - but it's easy for me to say, I'm not in your shoes.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-01 02:30:50 · answer #5 · answered by LittleFreedom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say just talk to her, she is a little person so she might not like you at first but 1 year olds are easy. This should come naturally it would be like talking or playing with a younger cousin. But don't force her to talk to you let her open up to you on her own time, she might take a while because you are not her mommy but be friendly and it will gradually happen.
2006-09-01 02:29:00 · answer #6 · answered by butter_scotch84 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are the purest and most honest beings on this planet man! They are really easy to bond with if you are an honest, good hearted individual who doesn't try too hard to be someone that you aren't (I am NOT calling you insincere or anything-don't misunderstand!) One year old children communicate through eye contact and body language (touch as well) as talking is simply phased out after a few seconds! (but they love songs...itsy bitsy spider..etc) They love to be read to, they love to be in the company of people who are not uptight or anxious....they tune into energies more than you can imagine.(I teach pre-school, and let me tell you....when I am out of sorts, the kids TOTALLY tune into it!!) Try to relax and as I said, don't bombard them by trying too hard. Let them know that you are very interested in getting to know them and that you are happy to see them, but allow them to come to you....they will if you don't overwhelm them. Don't talk baby talk to them!! Good Luck!!
2006-09-01 02:40:58 · answer #7 · answered by lydlykarug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought is sit on the floor and play with her, watch her face - if you do something that makes her smile...do it often. If you do something that looks like it scares her...don't do it anymore. I sit on the floor and play blocks with my nephews, cars, coloring, roll balls on the floor. empty carboard boxes can be lots of fun, pull them around in in. sheets make good tents. pretend to cook. eat snacks together. take her outside regularly... kids need it. kids love to run. pretend wrestling is fun too. a gentle touch, hug, a lap that is always available goes a long way with kids. talk and sing alot to her. get some kids music,The Wiggles videos are popular with little ones. Making a child feel safe in your presence makes a difference.
2006-09-01 02:37:53 · answer #8 · answered by snowcrablegs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to win her with gifts or letting her getaway with bad behaviour.
My best tip is:
Try to spend quality time with him and the kids, then you and the kids only and you and him only
Approach the girl as though she's a potential new friend for you (do your best to get to know her)
Try this website
www.stepfamily.net
Best wishes,
PETLOVER2
2006-09-01 02:58:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i was watching oprah one day maybe dr phil. and they had some specialist on the show and they said that children want to know.."do your eyes light when i enter the room?" as in are you genuinely glad to see me? kids know how you feel about them. they watch your reaction to them. even if you dont realize it. so if you truelly are happy to see her, she will know that you love her. and she will learn that you are wonderful too.
2006-09-01 03:42:00 · answer #10 · answered by specialmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋