What am I doing!?

Question

I've been married to my wife for about 16 years now and she's really a great mother to my two boys (6 & 9). She's not only a great mother but a good wife. No real major issues - just not as in love with her as much anymore. I was recently contacted by my former HS sweetheart, Jenny. Our relationship ended 25 years ago because I had already committed to the military before we met - If not for the commitment I would have probably stayed with Jenny and who knows what would have become of us. Anyway, we met to just to catch up on old times and it felt like the spark was re-lit once again for the both of us. Jenny is also married with two kids, both HS. It's been a few weeks since Jenny and I had our reunion and I just can't get her off my mind. I've always wondered what whould have happened if we stayed together. What should I do, I really think Jenny is the one - but I don't want to hurt my wife and especially my two boys - yet, I want to be happy myself. Any advice from anyone?

Answer 1

Psst...hey Tim...grass ALWAYS looks greener on the otherside!

Answer 2

Hi Tim. I think that this is a case of you being a little bit bored and the thrill and excitment of something different or new being a big temptation. Consider what you have... a wonderful wife who you love and two beautiful children.... and on the other hand a dreamy eyed view of someone you knew 25 years ago. You could have married Jenny... You didnt, for whatever reasons, but you made them. You married your wife and progressed on to build a life and a family with her. I think you owe both you and your family a little more consideration. You say you are not in love with your wife as much as you used to be... maybe its a different type of love, a better love, one that is not so shallow or fickle. I would act very very carefully if i were you. An affair is so delusional and not reality. Jenny might irritate the life outta you, take off the rose tinted sunglasses and remember why she was worth leaving. You are hankering after something that YOU choose not to happen. Have faith in the choices you made. Look after your wife and family, reignite a little passion with your wife and appreciate what a great family you have got. Focus on your family, your kids are still young and they need their dad. All marraiges go through bad times, really bad times... the mark of a man is how he deals with it.

Answer 3

Could have, should have and would have yet didn't. It says something about you.

Honey, everyone has an old flame that we wonder about from time to time. It's natural. You reconnected, swapped stories and talked about your lives now. And that is where this should stay. Think about it, do two families need to be ruined because of your desire to "find out" and be happy. especially if there is nothing wrong at home? You said you love your wife and your boys, as I'm sure "jenny" does hers. Play this smart and take the high road by getting Jenny off your mind. She has moved on and so have you and each of you have other committments that you cherish. Don't risk it. Tempatation comes in all forms...rise above it, you'll be glad you did.

Answer 4

Here's some advice. ROMANCE YOUR WIFE, THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN THE WAY YOU WANT TO ROMANCE JENNY!
16 years and you want to go back in time. Well the wayback machine doesn't exist! You are obviously having a midlife crisis. The problem is with you. Listen to your conscious. You KNOW right from wrong. Take the initiative to put the spark back in your marriage. Dress up for your wife and take her out like you did JENNY. Talk to her! Find the girl you married by being the guy that married her. Emotional infidelity is the worst kind. STOP IT!

Answer 5

Well you have to do what will make you happy, because if your not happy your family is not happy! But you ought to have you *** kicked for meeting up with Jenny!!!! You should have been thinking of your boys and your wife and how this is gonna effect them, besides this Jenny may not feel the same way that you do, then what you are left all alone and your family that you hurt so bad doesn't want anything to do with you then what huh! Just be careful and know what impact this is gonna have on your kids! I am a child of DIVORCE and let me tell you it has left me very ANGRY and I was only 8 when my parents split!! Just carefully think of others feelings! Good Luck

Answer 6

you are a moron.
forget jenny and your pipe dreams of having your old HS girlfriend back. All you will do is mess up your life if you try anything or ditch the awesome wife you have now. Jenny is married to and hopefully isnt as retarded as you seem to be leave her family alone and if you arent happy with your family you should leave the wife and kids before you do anything with jenny and consider if you would be happier with nothing cause chances are thats what you will end up with

Answer 7

Well let's just look at it this way. You said so yourself that you've always wondered what if.... To me that means you don't have any kind of closure and you suddenly feel like picking up where you left off. Your feelings are never wrong but you have to consider the reality of your situation here. You're married w/kids, she's married with kids. Do you realize how many lives you're both going to destroy should you both decide to act on your feelings? Think about it a million times if you have to. Without knowing you or your situation, I'm in no position to tell you what to do. Just realize that each choice you make has consequences and you need to ask yourself if those consequences are something you're willing to live with for the rest of your life.

Answer 8

I'm not here to burst your bubble... just hopefully helping you gain a better understanding.
Just because the spark is gone out of your marriage, it doesn't mean it can't be re-kindled.
Sounds like all you really need is to put some fire in the furnace (of your marriage).
Not being in-love isn't the death of a marriage... choice is important, concerning what can end it or keep it going.
There's no guarantee that the sparks wouldn't go out between you & Jenny either.
Partners can choose to keep the feelings of being in-love alive, so the relationship will continue to sparkle.

Answer 9

ok well i was engaged broke it off for an old flame just to realize that the what if wasnt what i thought it was.....and it took a while and a lot of hard work to get back the one that i loved(the guy with whom i was engaged to). so this could be a similar situation...it may seem like a good idea now...but you two could get together(provided she feels the same way) but then realize that it wasnt what you thought it was. then you would be putting a LOT of ppl in a world of hurt...and for what....something you thought you wanted. and after you sit there and do all that you probably wont be able to get back with your wife and boys...so you are left all alone. your wife must be something special for you to be with her for 16 years and have two wonderful boys with her. try doing some things to spice up your relationship before you try to have it come crashing down on you. i am not trying to be mean i am just trying to let some insight to this.

Answer 10

You don't want to hurt your wife our your kids. What about hurting yourself. It is natural to wonder what if when you meet someone from your past and the fire is lit anew. When people get married they take on different roles--e.g., mother, wife etc)--but what about as a woman, how you met her. You fell in love with her as a woman and have an obligation to connect to that life force. She does too. Would you really be happy if you left your wife? I don't think so. This is not a morality issue so I am not going to pass judgment on what you do.

Answer 11

i think you realised that your youth has escaped you. you are a grown man with a family to look after now. you miss your youth though, and having that reunion with jenny has re-lit the spark you once has, it has reminded you of your youth and how much fun being young then was. you miss that and feel that being with jenny will bring you back to then. dont destroy your two families to relive you youth. we all have to move on.