He's my boyfriend for 10yrs.We got married 3wks ago.We have a kid.2months ago I found him cheating/flirting (courting somebody else-my bf and I have a long distance relationship for the latest 3yrs of our relationship to present).They're coworkers.Lately I'm just crying my self to sleep.Now,my former suitor is back.He's knows I'm married now and my husband's cheating.I was attracted to him before but I have a bf (now my husband).I'm now feeling much better I guess because of him.Former suitor tells me that he still loves me.By the way,I'm far from both my husband and suitor...former suitor is also in the same location as my husband.I don't know what to do/fee/think?Any advice?
2006-08-31 19:04:22 · 30 answers · asked by matty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Our kid is already six yrs old. Thanks for your thoughts.
2006-08-31 19:26:26 · update #1
Talk about confusing and mixed up relationship/marriage.
You were with the man for 10 yrs, had a child, then got married legally, but you and your husband don't live together and haven't for 3 yrs.
Now your ex is back in your life but he also lives in another state/city whatever and on top of that lives in same place as your husband?
You either need to be in the same place as your husband and work on your marriage. Yall not living together for 3 yrs and still getting married 3 wks ago was stupid as hell.
OR
You need to start fresh and get away from both of these men and find someone that will be with you and your child and be a family.
OR
You need to get a life of your own, take care of your child and rely on yourself. Get a job, your own place and concentrate on you and your child.
Nobody needs this kind of drama in their life, especially not a child. Yall are going to have this child so screwed up that aren't going to know which way is up much less anything else.
Start thinking of your child and your child's sanity, health, home and life. This world is hard enough to grow up in without our parents making things so much worse on us.
2006-09-08 15:10:48 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am gonna say this from experience. I've been married and divorced. My ex constantly cheated on me and I was too stupid to realize that it was ongoing. Thing is I never caught her until she got pregnant (I'm a truck driver) and I know it wasn't mine (wasn't home for 2 months around the time of conception).
It broke my heart because I truly loved her. Sure we had our tough times and fights but we always seemed to work things out. Or so I thought. Now I'm homeless and she got our two kids and my pick-up.
How many times have he cheated on you? If it is just a one time thing, then chances are it was just a freak thing that happened. But if it seems to be a pattern, I suggest some marriage counseling and mediation. It appears that he has some problems adjusting to married life, that he is still stuck in his "single" lifestyle.
You just got married 3 weeks ago?!?!?! Plus you knew about this before you got married?!?!?! Why did you marry him? Don't tell me because of the kid because I don't believe that. Also, if you pursue the relationship with your former suitor, you aren't any better than him!!!! Besides you have a six year old. Being other men into their life at that age can have some serious behavior problems for that child in the future.
Grow up, get help, and think about your child.
2006-09-08 14:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Lonewolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew he was cheating before you got married? Sounds to me like you and hubby need to sit down and be honest with each other- tell him about the other guy and have him confess about the other girls- if you want to make you marriage work you will have to have an open communication- you need to look into your heart and do what you think is best- however fix the problem now before it gets out of hand- remember you have a child to think about- It takes two to make a marriage work- you married him knowing what he was doing- I would try and make the marriage work- but if not then just go where your heart says to go- but defiantly stop talking to former suitor he is just clouding things up- seek some counseling as well- it might help-
2006-09-07 08:30:17 · answer #3 · answered by shannon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband knows that you know that he is flirting? You should tell him that you know about it and see what he has to say about it. Cheating? You mean that he slept with somebody else? Does he still love you? If he doesn't, then leave him. There are better guys out there... but still you've known him for ten years. And do you mean that you love your husband and your suitor? If that is so, it would be fair... You husband can carry on flirting with that somebody and you can go with suitor. But what about your kid? Tough tough... well good luck and keep us posted on what you plan to do?
2006-08-31 20:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by space 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a logical reason you live far away from your husband, as it does not make for a good marriage? Why don’t you move closer to him and suggest that both of you go to together for marriage counseling. If he can’t or won’t stop the cheating you will never be happy in your life or marriage. I don’t think you will with a co-worker of his either, as he will always be in the picture and at his occupation functions that you may attend. Be careful of the kind of people you associate with if you want to have a happy life, good kind people are the type of people that will be around for the duration and not be so willing to take advantage of you.
2006-09-08 18:18:29 · answer #5 · answered by # one 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have an idea. He cheated on you, so you file for divorce, and if your husband agrees to the divorce, have him pay for the entire decree! Then take your time heading into your former lover's arms. Don't rush to marry the second time, give the relationship some time before you jump into another relationship with him.
But do not stay with a cheater! that's a no, no in my book! since the other guy loves you, go with him and be happy...
2006-09-08 15:08:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can really answer that question for you. That is something you will have to figure out on your own.
I was in a similar situation with my first husband ( he cheated & I left ), I can honestly tell you I miss him every day. The man I'm married to today doesn't even come close to being the man my ex was.
Look into your own heart & try to figure out if you love him enough & trust him enough to make it work.
Don't spend the rest of you life wondering about what could have been!!!
2006-09-07 11:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by baby_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, although I don't know how to help you, I could tell you jokes to help you feel better. The jokes goes:
-Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
-When did you first notice this problem?
-What problem?
One more joke:
A guy calls his vet and says "What should I do with my cat?Vet says "What do you mean? Guy says "I had a leak in my lawnmowers gas tank and the cat drank the gas. Then the cat began to run around and around the yard, climbed a tree. then fell out of the tree stiff. Vet says "Is the cat dead? Guy replies "nope he ran out of gas.
Last of all just want to tell you that whatever you do, just don't give up. Also you must love and care for the people around you. In that way they will also show you the love that you show to them. Just be yourself and happy everyday. Wish you all the best and good luck!!
2006-09-06 04:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused about this question? Sounds like you both have someone in the back ground comforting you-maybe you should both wipe the slate clean for a little while-no men-no women then see how things stand-then either end it and move on-or keep it straight and be w/ each other! Good luck-and don't cry yourself to sleep-not worth the effort-you'll get through it!
2006-09-08 15:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be going through hell. I feel for you. But if your husband is cheating. Maybe you need to goto counceling, instead of thinking of old boyfriends. I am sure your old boyfriends love is making the pain go away, but then you are cheating too. Concentrate on your marraige, he is probally overwhelmed because of being a new Dad and husband at the same time. Tell him to go to counceling with you or just leave.
2006-08-31 19:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by galbee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋