How can I forget how my husband had betrayed me by fooling around with a close friend ? From : WifeLost?

Question

I caught hubby having an affair with one of our close friend. We knew her hubby too... Its so hard to forget the issue. I am trying very very hard but i suspect almost everything he does now....
what can I DO ? I just want our normal life back to where it was. We have a lovely 5 yrs old boy. I feel that he is only staying back for our son's sake. It makes me so sad. If this goes on any longer, I think I will get depression soon.

Answer 1

You CAN'T and WON'T forgive him - so don't even try - get the hell out while you still have a shred of self respect.
I know it's hard because things were once good and it's difficult to throw away a history together but he will do it again and hurt you again - that's not what you want.
He obviously doesn't love you - why would you want to be with someone that doesn't love you? You are better off alone.
BELIEVE ME - a few months after getting rid of him you will be asking yourself why you wasted so much time on him when you could have been HAPPY.

It's no fun being paranoid and having to suspect someone of everything and anything - he's a man - there are plenty of them - surely some of them aren't cheating assholes.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY - YOU DON'T NEED A MAN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY OR COMPLETE - LEAVE HIM AND MAKE YOURS AND YOUR KIDS LIVES BETTER.

Answer 2

Since you have caught your hubby cheated you once, he can cheat the 2nd times and more. I suggest that you should cool down and think what is the best route for you and your child.
If you feel that he is staying with you for the sake of the child, then I think it is better to end both of your agony earlier. There is such a saying " two wrong doesn't make one right" If your husband is staying together with you is just bcoz for the sake of the son, I think it is another mistake and it will affect the child upbringing. So you have to decide what is the best solution to resolve this problem and settle it well.

Answer 3

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RE:
How can I forget how my husband had betrayed me by fooling around with a close friend ? From : WifeLost?
I caught hubby having an affair with one of our close friend. We knew her hubby too... Its so hard to forget the issue. I am trying very very hard but i suspect almost everything he does now....
what can I DO ? I just want our normal life back to where it was. We have a lovely 5 yrs old boy. I...

Answer 4

Sorry, but after a betrayal life doesn't go back to the way it was. We can try to forgive, but it's the forgetting part that has us. What you have to decide is what would make you happier, living with your husband the way things are, or living without him. Don't make the decision quickly or on the advice of a well meaning friend. Search your heart and listen to it. You have a right to suspect him, its his job to gain your trust again. Don't do anything in anger, think and pray about it. Above all else, listen to your heart. My husband never cheated on me, but we are separated because I lost my temper and left him. Now I regret it because we may never get back together. If you want your marriage to work, then you work on it and fight for it.

Answer 5

Key words -"he is only staying". He shouldnt have a choice in this right now. You are making it too easy for him. He screwed around- not you.

You will never FORGET- but you can forgive for your own sanity and sake of the kid. Lay the cards on the table- and tell him that you need to know why he felt the need to do this. it may be something you can work on. Tell him that - if he wants to make this marriage work it involves communication. By either us or a divorce lawyer- its his choice.
For your own sake- start working on the darkside of this- if he does leave. Be finiacially ready for this. he may think he can do what he wants bc you have no means on living without him. Prove him wrong. Get a job while the kids in school- save the cash in an account in YOUR name. Let family/friends know of the situation, incase you need a place to stay. Do not feel trapped- stand up for yourself! Why are you sad?? You did nothing wrong- do you think being sad or depressed will make him want to stay - NO.
If he sees that you are not taking this laying down- he will get his stuff together. Do not let him decide your fate- he picked his bed - NOW he needs to lie in it.

Answer 6

Hmmmm I guess you do feel lost. You will never forget, you can forgive but you really have to forgive, to make your marriage work. It's makes it tough on the son, I know. The things you need to think is do you think this will happen agian? Confront him, with, if he is wanting to leave? God will not put on you more than you can carry, yes depression, and despair, will come around. But think either you can truely forgive...... as I know you won't forget. As we as women......always bring things like that back up when we are made. Can you deal with that, was he serious in his vows?? Actually talking finding out his true feeling reguardless of wehat you feel, or what he may say. You need to know these things in order to salvage your own life.... before it goes down. You seem to have been hirt enough, and if he is not happy.... why waste the time, for a potential downfall. But the main thing you need to interest yourself in is can you forgive, and does he want to be with you. I wish you the best... a very hard decision to make. But life is to short..... without the answers....for yourself....

Answer 7

You shouldn't have to forget how your husband betrayed you. If you feel it is impossible to move on, then you shouldn't stay with him. It is not your fault he couldn't keep his thing in his pants and of all people, to betray with a close friend of yours.
To me a cheater is always a cheater; if you don't want to get hurt or be depressed I think you should seek personal counseling so you can learn how to let go. You shouldn't be in a relationship where you can't think about nothing but if the spouse is cheating due to what they've done to you before. Nobody should be cheated on, what makes you think he deserves a second chance?
It will be impossible to forget so I hope you will seek professional help... people on Yahoo! Answers will not be able to help you as thoroughly as a professional.

Answer 8

You will never forget what your husband and your friend did to you. You may try to forgive but you will never forget. Your so called friend is definitely not a friend and your husband is just as much to blame. If you want this marriage to actually work then you both should go see a counsellor. It can be fixed but it will take a lot of time and a lot of work. He will have to regain the trust that you once had for him. If I was in that situation I would definitely consider a separation so I can get my thoughts sorted out.

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you, Going through the pain you must feel. I am sure you already feel depressed, angry and anxiety. All those feelings are normal after an affair.
The only way you will get through this is with him hearing your pain. He needs to show you complete empathy and if you need to tell him how you feel everyday for a year straight to move forward, than he needs to listen everyday, He did the deed, now he needs to live with the consequences.

I hope he is being there for you. If he isn't try counceling. He may need someone to show him how to support you through your pain. It is difficult to hear that your an awful person everyday, but honestly if he was truly sorry and could communicate that with you, you wouldnt have to talk about it anymore. Because then he would understand your pain and you would know her was sorry.

Until you feel those things, you wont be able to forget, Counciling for yourself might help you to decide if you truly want to still be with him.

God Bless you.

Answer 10

You need to understand that this isn't about forgetting poor behavior but fixing this low moment in your marriage...and this can not be accomplished by you alone...your words make me feel that if you can turn the other cheek that things will return to what they were...you must forget that what they were resulted in your husband poor behavior...don't settle for having your husband around because you'll be lonely without him..there are worse things than being lonely...if he regrets his behavior seek marriage counseling to learn how not only to get through this difficult time but also strengthen the bond between the two of you...if your husband continues such behavior and you turn the other cheek....your son will be subjected to dysfunction within committed relationships and can possibly learn your husbands lack of commitment behavior...you'll not forget...at best learn from this to the point that it won't be repeated is the best you can hope for...good luck.