If my husband doesn't want to be with me then why is he always begging me back?

Question

I have left my husband several times due to the fact that he is verbally abusive to me and he doesn't take care of us(me and 3 kids) financially.He isolates me and won't let me improve myself in college or provide me with transportation to get a job so that I can have my own money.He owns his own business and does quite well but wont buy me a stove,a washer or dryer,a car,make up ,clothes,and denies me freinds. I never get to go anywhere execpt to the store to go grociery shopping and this I have to fight for. I take as much as I can and then i will kick him out or leave him. I struggle on my own but at least I have a lot more than he has ever given me and so do the kids.When I am away from him I get my own car and home,Job, or college,ect.Then he comes begging me back get a nice home for us makes all kinds of promises but it never lasts.He never puts up a fuss when I leave him and I can tell that he doesnt love me.I dont think that he ever has.But why does he always do this to me?

The reason I always take him back is because he uses the kids as an excuse that we should be together. And he has cheated on me several time and has never shown me love or respect.

Answer 1

It's called a cycle of violence... it's a control issue, to him it's just a game. He may "love" you in his terms, but people like this don't have the same range of emotions that most people do. It's impossible to see yourself as being in a domestic violence situation when you're the person that lives it everyday... we always think that it isn't the same, that couldn't happen to us, but trust me, it is! Even if he doesn't physically hurt you, emotional abuse can be even worse... bruises to your body heal, bruises to your soul dont. Go to the website listed below, click on the link that says I Might Need Help, then take the test... you might be surprsied onthe answers you get

Answer 2

I am sorry to say this but your husband is treating like a possession. Men think differently then women do in love and marriage. If a man wants to leave a marriage he doesn't have the emotional problems with it, but if the women leaves a man, the man is an emotional wreck for at least a year. You husband is a control freak and he cannot let you in control of your own life. I don't know where you live, but most states would treat his business as marital property [see an attorney about this] so you probably have assets that you don't know about. I would tell you also to ask him to go to counseling with you and if he refuses, then go the legal way. He does not deserve you. Unless he is unfit, a court will order reasonable visitation with the children. Remember your children pattern after both of you and you would not want a son to treat his wife in the manner that you have been treated.

You need to take control of your life. It won't be easy, but from your question and information, I believe that you can do it.

by the way, I am a man....

Answer 3

Because you allow him to. You come back every time on his false promises hoping it'll get better this time knowing in your heart it won't. That's why he doesn't put up a fight when you leave or put him out. You need to do what's best for your children and show them something different. It seems all of you will be better off. and not to mention if he feels that you are really gone maybe he'll start doing some of the things that a husband and a father should be doing for his family, who knows maybe then you'll have gotten yourself together and may not want to go back.

Answer 4

I believe that he does that simply because he can. You allow him to. He knows that you love him, and since he is the father of your children, and history has also told him, that no matter how he treats you, you will always come back. If you realized how strong you Actually Are, you would never go back to him. I'm sure that you have family and / or friends that will help you get on your feet without him. I think he also does not want to live without you because no one else will allow him to treat / control them the way you do because children and love is involved.

Answer 5

He is trying to sabatoge your efforts to improve your life. And improve your
kids lives. He sounds as if he doesn't have anything going for him, so he
needs you to "fall back on", and you have been letting him do that. Your kids
are going to remember everything, and they will either look up to you and
love you and respect you for making good decisions, or they won't. This is
not just about you anymore. Your children come first, and you want them to
be happy, don't you ? This man has been a sperm donor. Not a father.
Your all better off without him, screwing things up for you. That's all he is there for. He doesn't want YOU...he want's what he does not have. You have
it all....he has nothing. So, let it be that way....and go find MR.RIGHT.........

Answer 6

It's all about control for him. He sounds like a very controlling, manipulative person and wants to get his way all the time, including getting you to come back to him. Don't give him the power to do this. You already KNOW you can make it on your own without him and you don't need anyone stepping on your head and preventing you from growing as a person. If he truly loved you, he will support your growth, not suppress it. He has issues with himself and it's something you can't help him with unless he recognizes he has a problem and attempt to help himself. I congratulate you for not putting up with it.

Answer 7

He does this because he knows what it takes to get you back. I want you to know that the only people you are hurting is your kids. You need to think about them first. This man only wants to control you and thats all. He only keeps you around so he can feel like a man. And I am sure you do it all for him. So what you need to do is simple leave , File for a divorce and stay gone. If not for yourself then do it for your children. And let your boys know what this man does is not cool and they should never treat a woman like he does to you. If you stop going back to him your kids won't think his behavior is ok cause you allow it.....

Answer 8

How he feels doesn't really matter. You and your kids deserve to live, laugh, learn, and love. You need to go to school, it opens your mind and world, not to mention job possibilities. You should be able to buy whatever makeup you can afford, you should be able to buy a shirt if you want. Independence is a powerful feeling. Get a little bit and you won't even listen to the lies. My dad called the one I had a "snake oil salesman". I bought it everytime he sold it, until I realized that was what it was. I was buying junk....I have a BS now and loved SIU.

Answer 9

That's a really sad story....he sounds very controlling and treats you like a piece of property instead of wife and partner. I couldn't live like a slave.

Why keep taking him back if he doesn't change? Everytime he comes back begging....you need to get something out of it. Like a car, your own bank account with money put in it monthly, a credit card....something that moves you towards your own independance.

Or just get rid of him....he'll have to pay you alimony and child support. And a lump sum of money for the business.

Just my thoughts anyways.....

Answer 10

First time you went back a mistake 2nd time you went back your a fool. He is never going to change. You do not have to take him back for the sake of your kids. Your kids are only learning that it is ok to be verbally abusive to the ones you love. You can do it on your own.