My husband has a drinking problem that he attempts to control by not drinking. However, he does occasionally have a drink at the house. Then he becomes very rude and snappy with the kids and myself.
I enjoy having a drink sometimes and would like to feel like I can do it in my home without my husband turning into "the mean guy" every time I pop a cork.
Is there any way to work this out with out going completely dry myself?
2006-08-31 16:34:19 · 43 answers · asked by soblue2day 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you trying to tempt and torture him?
2006-08-31 16:35:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is not the greatest answer, it is definitely a tough question.
I'd like to say that you deserve it and if he doesn't have the self control then it's his problem, but then I wouldn't be true to my real opinion.
Being in a relationship requires sacrifice. If having you drink around him causes him to desire it too much, it might not be worth it.
I would most definitely ensure that whatever you decide to do, you have a "girls night out" every so often where you can drink and have a good time with the girls. It can be therapy when you have to give up something to help out someone else in your life, and is definitely essential to keeping from being resentful.
Also, would you consider having a drink when you're eating out (especially with other people and your husband isn't there), ordering "by the glass" instead? That would give you an opportunity to have your occasional drink and not affect him so much.
Good luck! I wish I had better advice.
2006-08-31 16:39:51 · answer #2 · answered by thoughtfulwind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go to AA if he has a drinking problem. You need to be supportive and not drink around him. There are sacrafices we all have to face. When I met my husband he was 10 months sober I did not want him to start drinking so I did not drink in the home for 4 years. I just started bringing booze into the home knowing that he is not having the cravings as much as he might have had being 10 months sober. Think of it this way say you were wanting to go on a diet and he brought home a delicious pizza you might say no the first time but the second time he did it you might just want to grab a peice of that pizza.
2006-08-31 16:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want your husband to succeed, you have to give it up. Alcoholism will be a battle he fights daily -- and if you are drinking, or there is just alcohol in the house, it makes his battle even harder.
He shouldn't have to become the mean guy, or even ask for that matter -- you should love him enough to do this for him. If not, either you have a problem with drinking too, or you don't have a clue what love is about.
2006-08-31 16:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by Unknown User 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is the one with the drinking problem. He is the one who needs to quit. He does not get anything beneficial from diverting the attention away from his problem drinking. If your drinking is no problem, then you can continue to drink. What needs to stop is his denial about his drinking problem. Go to AA with him, but don't pretend you have a problem when you don't. If you give this up, he will ask for something else as a condition of his quitting. He will keep upping the ante and keep on drinking while you jump through all kinds of hoops.
2006-09-04 14:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work what out? Your husband is an abusive drunk and you enable him to continue by keeping booze in the house and putting up with his "rudeness". Are you waiting for that to become out right violence when he becomes completely out of control?
Get the booze out of your house, do not allow drinking in it, ever. Then give him a choice of AA, professional help or living somewhere else. You need to go to Alanon yourself and get a handle on why you are accepting this bs from your husband and your children's father.
2006-08-31 16:41:45 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To respect your husband's sobriety, it would be polite to NOT drink around him at all. Unless you have a drinking problem, you can not realize how incredibly hard it is to #1, stop drinking and #2 see your significant other with a drink in their hand. Maybe after a few years of sobriety, your hubby will not feel so angry about seeing you drink but that varies from person to person.
2006-08-31 16:40:33 · answer #7 · answered by redneckgardendiva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who has a drinking problem needs complete support from everyone around them. By you having a drink in front of him is not helping the situation. If you want your marriage to be fight free, you will consider going on the wagon with him. If he can kick his disease, then you both can find new things to do together as a family and be a happy family.
2006-08-31 16:39:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could set up a time when you could go out with the girls for a "girl night." Or just go to a girl friend's house to have a glass or 2 of wine. That way, you still get to enjoy it without him being tempted by having it in the house.
2006-08-31 16:52:12 · answer #9 · answered by Dazyroo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you might consider is getting you and your family into AA. We all know drinking changes how your mind works and who you are.
I think your question needs more than a simple answer that can be found here and I'd strongly advise you to seek counseling or try the family AA programs to help you understand the dynamics of alchoholism. AA is free and there are meetings everywhere http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
2006-08-31 16:42:57 · answer #10 · answered by crazylady_inaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no if he is on the verge of being a alcoholic ,you cannot have any booze in the house
it would be too tempting or easy to have one ,
so if you want to be with out problems ,(and you will not be ,because he will have his relapses and go some where and get loaded sometimes)
it means unfortunately that you also must give it up totaly at least when you are with him,and dont have anything in the house
2006-08-31 16:38:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋