Insecure in my marriage?

Question

I have a severe insecurity complex in my marriage. I have been married 10 years and just started to be insecure. I have no reason to be like this. When my hubby goes out after work with the guys, I paint an ugly picture in my head of things he could be doing behind my back. He's never cheated on me, I know he loves me. He dont go out too much. But when he does, I carry on like he's leaving me. Its gotten quite bad and serious and I can't explain why I started to think like this. I think I may even need marriage counseling for myself. I think some of it may be that I resent the fact that he has a social life and I am at home all the time. He never tells me I cant join him, I am always invited, but I go with him, and its just the guys and I am bored to death, so I often choose to stay home. Does anyone have any advice as to why this sudden insecurity has happened to me and ways I can get over it?

Answer 1

It's possible that you are suffering from depression. Been there, done that, and after feeling so bad about it and being ever so suspicious, the diagnosis was depression. I fully trust my husband and had no reason (now that I'm thinking more clearly) to believe otherwise. Please check out an online "depression checklist", take it in to your doctor and talk to him. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Why don't you have any girlfriends. Staying at home day after day is not good for anyone. You need to find some outside interests. Join a club so you can meet some women and start up some new friendships. You know that if he is inviting you out with him, he's on the up and up. You have nothing to worry about. People who become hermits often start having as you say ugly pictures in their heads of what their love ones are doing without you. You need to stop with the pictures and start making a life outside your home. Once you do that everything will be fine. Good luck.

Answer 3

Honey, if you don't get some help for this, this is going to get out of control. Your husband is doing everything right and you are still having visions of him cheating...there' something wrong with that picture. It's almost as if you've become addicted to you husband and when he's not there you are going through withdrawls. And if that's the case, you've completely lost your own identity. Just because you stay home, doesn't mean that house is your jail honey. You need to do something for you. Get a hobby, something you use to love to do and then gave up over time, join the gym, take a class...something that separates you from him as a person. He has his out. He has work and his friends, what do you have? I mean besides this underlying jealousy of him. You really need to find something to do before you start giving yourself panic attacks. Just reading your answer, I could sense the anxiety. If you aren't interested in any of the suggestions, I see your only other alternatives as going with him or getting yourself a good prescription of Zanax to calm the nerves.

Answer 4

I think you just answered your own question. I suggest you get your own activities and hobbies and try to meet other people in the process. You also need a social life, like your husband. Having space to do your own thing is a good thing to have. You are not being fair to your husband if you carry on like he's always doing something behind your back whenever he goes out with his friends. Seek counseling only if it gets to a point where it's destroying your marriage. It's a trust issue with you nonetheless and until you get a hold of those issues, I can't see you ever being happy in your marriage everytime your husband decides to go out and do his own thing.
P.S. My husband and I have our "own" activities and hobbies even though we do a lot of things together. It keeps our marriage interesting and rich.

Answer 5

You need to try and figure out what is behind all this insecurity. How often are you left at home. You need to get some hobbies or friends of your own, or maybe have his friends over 1 night a week. What has changed with you? You could use your time alone to plan surprises for him when he gets home. You could also make yourself go out 1 night a week . It might be fun. have one of your friends go to or meet you out. so you will have company. I think if you go to counseling your husband should go to. but it does sound like you would like for him to have some special time for you. just a little food for thought, Good luck

Answer 6

it happens sunshine, try to get a social life too, it is always nice to do things together and he won't want the guys if you and your social activities include him, or its more fun to be at home with you.

i suggest you try to get out more, houses no matter how much of a home you have made them, do get small after a while and cannot fulfill your needs especially when you are all alone.

You just need company and probably safest if that is female or mixed company.

Best first step is to talk with Hubby before you go spending all your hard earned cash on some jumped up social expert who probably would not know one end of a good marriage from the other. (just my opinion) but will want to tell you what is wrong with yours even if nothing is!!

Good luck and dont forget to talk to Hubby first, he probably can allay all your fears with a few well chosen words and actions.

Answer 7

If you don't want to join him, then find things at home to interest you or go shopping or join a bowling league or something. The fact that he always invites you should tell you he doesn't have another agenda. So you are right to trust him. Try not complaining to him because that can eventually drive a wedge between the two of you. Ask him out on a "date" once in awhile so it's just the two of you. Honestly, I'd love to have your problem. Want to trade lives? Just joking. Good luck.

Answer 8

What you need to do is to find something for yourself to keep busy and have a social life. You need to join an activity group. Are there any hobbies you like? How about going to the gym? Find something to do outside of the home. You will meet new people and develop your own support group. You won't feel that he is deserting you if you are also going out once in a while.

Answer 9

You should go and do things either with your friends or just by yourself and have him stay home. You both need to have time for yourself. The more he knows how insecure you are about the marriage the more he might want to go out with his buddys. You need to have trust with your husband sounds as though he doesn't mind if you go which would make me think nothing is really going on. If he was to say he was going out with his friends and you are not invited then you would have something to worry about.

Answer 10

Why don't you find a good mental health therapist for yourself to help you sort out your feelings. Personally, I am not much for the husband going out with the guys thing because I think it can lead to all kinds of temptations. But you did say he invited you to go along. Why don't you find a hobby or do something you enjoy and are good at. Maybe that would help.