I ask this with tears in my eyes...?

Question

I have asked a question before related to this, but matters have gotten worse. My family has been rejecting my newborn. They are crazy about my oldest son, but they don't care much about the baby. I was told to leave my baby with my family when I have to go somewhere so that they'll be forced to take care of him. Today I did that and I came home to find my sick baby straped in his car seat, and crying by himself in the middle of the living room floor, where I left him an hour and a half before! He grandmother and my dad were supposed to be looking after him. My grandmother was lying in her bed with my older son watching t.v. and my dad left soon after I did. The baby was wet and had not been feed. This situation has gone from rejection to neglect.
I beg anyone to give me advice on how to approach my family.
Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

I am so sorry this happened to you and your new baby. That said, don't take this the wrong way but I was sort of relieved as I read your question. That's because I have a similar situation with my mother, and I figured I was the only one going through this. I have a six year old son whom my mom loves to spoil and spend time with, and a month old Daughter whom she has basically ignored since the day I told her I was pregnant. Now in my case, I think it's because, although she's never said it, she doesn't seem to like my husband all that much, while for some unfathomable reason, she just loves my son's coke head, abusive, a**hole father. you'd think it wouldn't matter, since I'm her daughter and these are both her grandchildren, but there you go. It tears me up to think of ending her relationship with my son, because he loves his grandmother, but at the same time I'm seriously worried about how my daughter will feel when she's old enough to realize what's going on. I don't think my mom would actually neglect a baby, but there's no way I'd leave my daughter with her right now. anyway, she wouldn't take her, and my husband would go postal if I tried. I don't really have anything helpful to tell you at this point, since I can't figure out how to resolve this situation either. I just thought you might want to know that you are not alone with this problem.

Answer 2

This is a serious thing. Is there anyway you can get your family in for
counseling? Just tell him its on how to take of the baby or something? I would definitely not leave your baby alone with them.
As far as the son. There is something you can do. You are the Mom.
You can discipline him. Make life miserable for him. However the
Grandparents? There is no exuse! Is there anyway you can move out? I think there are support groups for single moms. You should call the countys human relations office. They usually have alot of advice and can offer monitary support. It might be possible to move out and still stay at home until you can find a sitter. Until than, paying an actual sitter when you are gone might be safer!
I would definitely get on your son's case though. It may be the
hardest thing you ever do but remember. That baby is your responsiblity and a precious gift. If anything happens it will still
be your fault legally and I'm sure you love your children and want
the best for them so you need to put them above the rest
of your family. They are not old enough to take care of themselves
so you have to make the hard decisions for them. Get them out
of there and fast. I don't think talking to your family will make things better because watching and taking care of an infant is
common sense. Show them these answers if you think it will help.

Answer 3

This is simple if they can not except the baby they can not except any of you. Why are they doing this anyway? Ask them, tell them that what they have done not only hurts you but the baby is supposed to be fed, changed shown love and that they disappoint you, Let them know until they start behaving better towards the baby they will not see any of you. And do not leave the baby with them ever again. God forbid the baby was choking and they didn't pay attention, the baby could have died then what would they have said...... Good luck and God bless. Also teach you oldest that the baby is a blessing no matter what and that he has to protect the baby no matter what,....You never know what they say about the baby to him or infront of him.....

Answer 4

Wow, I would say that qualifies as neglect. I have a cousin who went through a similar situation with her in-laws. Her older son Ryan was praised for everything he did, and the younger Tanner was casted aside. This is where you as the mother have got to put a stop to it now. You need to explain, that they love you and both your children obviously came from you. To not love one is to not love the other. You have to be stern, but gentle. My cousin, flat out told them that if the difference didnt stop. That none of them would see either of her boys. If you all live in the same house, I would do what I could to move soon. I am not trying to be rude, but you were givin these children for a reason. As a mother you have an instincit to protect your children, I know I do. AS far as the advice you were given, maybe it worked for someone else, but every situation is different. You have to follow your heart on this

Answer 5

Why are they doing that?

Basically, I would just cut off all contact with them. How dare they?!?! What in the world could a newborn baby do that is so terrible one would neglect them??

If that is the example they are setting for your oldest son, then forget it. They either accept both kids or neither kid. That would be my rule. I would explain what I am "noticing", and let them deny it all they want to. But I would inform them that either they treat both children equally, or they do not get to be in either child's life.

I am sick just thinking about what happened to that little baby!

If you "need" them for babysitting, find someone else. I am sure you have a friend or someone else that can take care of your kids. If not, there are places out there that will do it for little/no money. Contact your county services. And let your family know that if that ever happens again, you will be calling the cops.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your baby. As you probably already know please keep your baby with you, from what you have written you can't trust your family. If you are going to approach them, I would talk to each family member one at a time, that way they don't all come down at you at once. I would let them know that you don't understand why they would neglect your baby, and they shouldn't have left your baby in a car seat for that long. I would clearly state that you cannot trust them to care for your baby. Babies need to be feed and changed often and it doesn't stop there. They need to be spoken to, comforted, and most of all loved. I would tell them that their actions showed none of the above and that you can't trust them and that you are deeply saddened by their complete neglect for your baby.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I am not siding with them only you know what has been happening. However, it's quite normal for babies to go for an hour without being changed or eating. Could it have been that he was sleeping that whole time and they didn't want to disturb him so left him in the carseat, and just happened to wake up and start crying just before you arrived. Again, only you know the whole picture. If it had been hours without feeding or changing him though, I would be more conserned. Ask them, maybe it's a misunderstanding.

Answer 8

personally if i was i you i would tell them no the next time they want your eldest son and ask them why they don't care for the new baby and the only way they will get the eldest son is if they come to your house and play with the baby and show you that thay love him it could be that if the baby's have diffrent dad's that they don't like this dad or the way he treated you for some reason or another but if they are the same dad's ask your family why they don't like him point blank if they cannot give you a good reason then tell them that they will seen none of you ever again good luck

Answer 9

hi look i wouldent be leaving that baby with them or anyone else i would take that kid with you no matter where you go.
if i were you i would ask this dick head to dinner but have a friend with you there to help with the baby if you can while you talk with them and let it all out .deman an explanation why it is that they treat the baby that way .if they dont give you a good enought answer i would stop your oldest from seeing them too.
my husbands family use to ignore my 2nd son because they new he was autistic and they treated my oldest like a king but ignored the other.i never left my kids to be baby sat by anyone but even now they want my oldest for the holidays but never the other kids so i have not only told them off about it but i stopped my oldest from going to their place for a holiday.cause if its not good for one its not good for the other.and since i went off at them they have been civil to the otehr child they at least kiss him an dtalk to him.
put your foot down.if ever you need to talk message me .if u were in my country or state id baby sit i love kids :)

Answer 10

you you need to talk to them about how you feel and if they are gonna reject the baby then you should not let them be with your older child. whoever told you to leave the baby with them is wrong, if they dont wanna be around your baby with you there then how did u trust them to take care of him. all i know is if you allow them to be with one of your children and not the other then in a way you are condoning this. both of your kids deserve to be treated alike and loved and it doesnt sound like they are.