Inability to fit in?

Question

I just turned 21 and have been in a community college for two years. I've met zero people during that time. I haven't had friends since high school, and even then, it was just a small group of people that I lost contact with after. I'm a likable guy and all, but I just don't fit in with people my age. I have absolutely no interest in partying or drinking, so I guess it's not hard to see why given that's what most 21 year olds too. I just find it really hard to relate to people my age, and I also have social anxiety disorder, for which I get treatment for but it hasn't advanced my social life at all.

Any ideas?

Answer 1

I don't have any appealing ideas now. Social anxiety sucks, to put it lightly, and no matter what drug you introduce into your body it'll still take effort from you. Not all people our age want to go out and party all the time. The problem is what social function can people who don't like to go out and party all the time meet up at? There's the real delema? Btw, I don't have an answer to that, I'm curious where we could all meet up too. So what it takes is you going outside your comfort zone. You'll have to really push yourself to just talk to people. A lot of people. As much as you can really. Put yourself out there and hope someone bites. You meet a few people that way and it can branch out into more and more once you have regular people to hang out with.

Answer 2

Get involved in volunteer activities. You will meet nice people and the very act of concentrating on someone else's needs besides your own anxiety may help lessen that anxiety. Think of what things interest you then search for volunteer activities that fit those needs. For example, working with children is fun for me because children accept me for who I am and not for what they think I am supposed to be. Others have found church activities, clubs, and joining a gym to be good ways to meet people with similar interests.

If you are on meds for social anxiety disorder and they haven't helped, you might need to discuss this with your doctor. If you have a therapist (and you should if you don't) discuss your lack of relationships with him/her.

I find it hard to believe that you've not met ANYONE. Have you been in classes by yourself? :-) Seriously, maybe you are just overlooking the very people who could be great friends. Start by asking someone who sits near you an innocent question. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. You could ask a question about the assignment or compliment someone's shirt, etc. Then give your name and ask their name. Ask about other classes they may have. A good question that works well for college students is "what's your major?"

I know I have given a lot of suggestions. That may seem overwhelming at first. The key is to take small steps. There is a book called Do One Thing Different. I don't remember the author, but the title says it all. Just commit to do one thing differently. Then when you are comfortable with that, take another step.

You can do this!!! What have you got to lose?

Answer 3

Have you thought about anything like volunteer work? That's a great way to meet all different types of people of different ages, and they are likely to be the kind of people with interests other than partying. If you like animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you like theater, volunteer as an usher at a local repertory company. If you like kids, volunteer at Boys/Girls Clubs. Or, just sign up to pursue an interest. If you are a person of faith, join a church. If you like to read, join a book club. You get the idea. I know any of these will be a little difficult with your social anxiety disorder, but unfortunately if you want friends you're going to have to force yourself to be social. Good luck ! It'll happen...don't lose faith.

Answer 4

I think you should get involved with a church group. There you'll find some good people who know how to have a good time without booze. Also stay close to family members. It's also OK to have older friends too. Remember we're all children of God. If you do get involved with a church be sure to seek advice from the minister and deacons. Don't be afraid to ask the questions you need the answers to.

Answer 5

Mm, I feel like that a lot myself. I don't go drinking or clubbing or partying either and I'm 20. I think there are a lot more of us out there than we think, we just don't like to admit it.

What can we do instead of drinking and clubbing and partying? We can go see a movie, we can take a walk in a park and talk, we can go shopping, we can meet up for a meal, we can do more fun things like rollerblading or some other casual sport, we can dress up and go to a ball (not partying and not drinking and not clubbing either - there's lots more of those than you'd think), we can go to the theatre and see actual plays or concerts.

There's lots of things. People usually grow out of the clubbing/partying mood anyway and they still manage to find social things to do.

I have the problem where the majority of the people I meet, I don't feel I can relate to either whether they're my age or not but if you find one thing you have in common then it makes it a lot easier to at least talk. I think that feeling like you don't or won't relate to people causes you to not be so interested in finding out about them which doesn't help the cause at all. So you won't make much effort to meet new people.

When or if you do meet new people, sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don't but I think you have an increased chance of finding someone you want to be friends with if you take the initiative to introduce yourself to people and ask them heaps of question instead of waiting for them to start a conversation with you. Asking lots of questions also takes the focus away from you and onto the other person.

It's tough putting yourself out there but just remember that not everyone in the world is going to get along with you, not everyone's going to like you just as you won't like them so if putting yourself out there doesn't work the first time, don't take it personally.

Answer 6

Join a group or something, student government? sports? do something where you're around enough other people, and you'll find somebody who is like you and not into partying and drinking (and congrats to you for not being into that kind of stuff, so much more than that out there). you'll find some friends, maybe you just haven't been looking in the right places?

Answer 7

Join a group at your church, join a (weekend) sports team or learn a hobby and join the club. Drinking isn't necessary to fit in. You just need to find your passion and find other people that share it. The number of friends is irrelevant; the quality of those friends is relevant.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Have you tried joining a club or something on campus? Or even, you can start your own support group for people who haven't fit into the college life. That way you would be able to meet people.

Answer 9

Not to be superificial, but make sure you are at least presentable looking and smelling , and be honest.
Next find a group of people like a church you like or something.
Get a job or part time job in a place with a lot of young people like you. Department store, walmart etc....

Answer 10

I have a problem with fitting in with people my age. Most of them just act stupid, like what they do today don't have consequences tomorrow. I have found that most the time I fit in with older people. Try to find a group that is just a little bit older than you.

Good luck!!!