I have very loving parents. They are very close to our whole family, so why,?

Question

as their son, do I not hold my family near?

I love them all but have nothing to do with them.

Should I feel unworthy of their attention because I am adopted, or because I am an ex drunk and drug addict.

Or are my problems with drink etc due to my having been adopted and maybe 'over loved'?

Answer 1

As a single parent, I adopted my daughter when she had just turned two years old. She was the fourth of seven children of her biological mother - all seven ended up in foster care. My daughter was born addicted to both cocaine and heroin. She spent a horrible first 10 days of her life, as she was treated at the hospital for being born drug-exposed. From there, she went directly to a sub-standard foster home. At a very young age, she developed severe asthma. I met my daughter when she had just turned 21 months old. Her asthma attacks were so bad, as her foster father chain-smoked five feet away from her, I truly didn't think she would live until the placement went through.

My daughter is now almost 18 and knows with all of her heart that I deeply love her. I tell anyone who will listen that adopting my daughter is the best thing I ever did in my life. There is not a doubt in my daughter's mind that I love her. Still, there is a void in my daughter's heart that I believe only her birth mother can fill. To add to that, my daughter will most likely never be able to find her biological father, because her biological mother doesn't know who he is. So, another void. To add to that, the adoption agency will only give me information about my daughters' six siblings if I adopt some or all of them, and I'm just not in a financial situation to do that. So, another unknown.

I listen to my daughter and pray for her, but she will have to come to grips with the entire issue surrounding her adoption. I've told my daughter when she is 18 I will be 100% behind her search for answers.

You ask whether you should feel unworthy of the attention of your family because you are adopted, and about the drug issues, but, from the words you used, I think you already know the answer to that: you DO feel unworthy.

What I would say to you is that, like my daughter, you had nothing to do with the situation that lead to your having to be adopted. That was someone else's mistake, not yours, so please don't take that on yourself. We all make mistakes in our lives. I feel the fact that you're an EX alcoholic and drug addict speaks volumes on your ability to turn yourself around.

I would say to you with every fiber of my being that you ARE worthy of the love and attention your family has for you. Please do some self-reflection (or try to get some counseling) on why you've chosen to distance yourself from your family.

Sometimes I reflect on the fact that my daughter went through more difficulties in the first few years of her life than many people go through in a lifetime. To me, my daughter deserves a double-dollop of love! So do you. And it sounds like there are people waiting to give that to you.

I hope you learn to receive, really receive the love of your family, because that is the only reason we're here - to love and be loved. Everything else is just fluff. My very best wishes to you, my friend.

Answer 2

I'm pretty positive your probs. with drinking & drugs are NOT from being loved too much! I hope you don't get upset by this, but it does sound like you need counseling, or SOMEONE to talk to about this anyway. I don't know why you are rejecting the people that took you in and loved you so much. Get a notebook, and start journaling. Write down everything you can think of that bothers you, and why. After a few weeks, read your journal, and see if you can find anything that's bothering you that you hadn't consciously realized. Then write down all the things you could do to fix the problem. Then go back and analyze each solution to see what the best thing to do would be.

And when you are refusing to accept their love because you feel you are unworthy, you are rejecting them, which they probably don't deserve. You sound like you are trying to punish yourself, but you are actually hurting them in the process. Think about what YOU are doing to others, stop punishing them because they did something kind. Try to get help, and I hope things get better for you. (Also, maybe you should pray more often, Talking to God can help, and look for answers in the Bible.

Answer 3

You should not feel unworthy. Being adopted has nothing to do with this. Being an ex drunk and drug addict is irrelevant as well. Start spending more time with your parents and family. Ease into it. Just see them for short periods of time. Try to coordinate a family get together time every year ... or start going if there is already something. Our family now gets together every 4th of July and New Years eve at a minimum. A cruise is another excellent way to spend time with family... and can be planned and saved for for many years prior to going.

Answer 4

I don't know why you drank and did drugs. My ex boyfriend went through the same thing (as an adoptee). According to him - he was just being a teen-ager. Maybe you need to find your birth mother to feel complete. You'll be able to get answers and ask questions - just don't hold a grudge against her. I guess if I ever would have adopted a child, no matter how much love I would have given the child - there would always be a fear in the back of my mind that the child wasn't mine by blood and the child would one day want to locate their birth mother.
Deep down, your addictions, have a lot to do with you not feeling complete. Until you locate her - you'll feel like no one cares for you. I hope this makes sense to you. Good luck!

Answer 5

Your problems could be from a number of things. You might be looking way too much into this. Sounds like your parents and your family love you very much - why do you feel the need to think because you were adopted that has something to do with it?
Sounds like you could use some counseling to get over the issues you have. You are the one alienating yourself from your family and it's just going to make you an unhappy person in the end. Get into counseling.

Answer 6

I think you should feel real lucky to have them. Maybe you have not dealt with the adoption issue.The drug use could be a symptom of that.I get the feeling you are conflicted in all areas of your life and not just one.Some people feel a sense of being unwanted because they were left as a child,maybe you cant believe you are loved because you were abandoned by your biological parents.My mom was adopted and she expressed to me that she always felt lost,like she was dropped out of the sky.I have adopted my neice and I can tell you right now that I love her as much as the children I carried in my womb.Yes you can be loved that much, you are worthy of the love they give you.Drug use is a symptom of deep emotional issues.Love yourself.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Do you harbor resentment for having been adopted? Have you ever felt any hint of resentment from anyone in your family because of it?

Problems with drugs and alcohol are more than behavioral; they are chemical. If you have a medical genetic predisposition to addiction to these substances, no matter what your psychological profile or upbringing, it is critically important to stay away from the drugs and alcohol completely and immediately.

Answer 9

Precious, you need to forgive yourself and your biological parents. I would hope that you would have a soft enough heart to get to know the LORD Jesus ( wooo I pray that didn't offend you... so many atheists on this site, but anyhow) darling, you have answered your own question here. Put down the drugs and drink forever... you said you are an X so congratulations... keep healing and asking yourself these questions. I'll be praying for you. Accept love, it is a free gift and you are so worthy of it honey.
Be blessed
~Sleek

Answer 10

Obviously you have some problems, but being adopted also, I know the feeling. I felt like I hated my family and I wasn't a drunk or drug addict. I think it's the fact that we wonder what life would be like with our biological parents. I wondered that until I was 13. My adoptive parents died in a car accident and I was put in contact with my biological mother to fought for custody of my brother, sister and me. I can't imagine what life would be like without her. If I were you, I'd try to find my biological parents and keep in contact with them. As far as everything else goes, try to find counseling that they can go to with you, no matter how embarassing it is.