My daughter is 4 years old and calls my husband Poppy and her real dad Daddy. Her real dad is more or less a weekend dad while my husband has raised her with me since she was 6 months old. We are now expecting our first baby together and he wants his baby to call him daddy and my daughter to continue to call him Poppy. I asked him what if my daughter wants to call him daddy especially if the new baby is calling him that and he said that he doesn't want her to call him daddy because she already has a daddy and if she doesn't like it, she will just have to deal with it. I am shocked to say the least and hurt that he feels this way. He says he loves her as if she was his own daughter but she can't call him daddy? I feel like this will only make my daughter feel left out but I can't seem to make him understand that. What can I do to make him undertand? Am I out of line?
2006-08-31 13:33:14 · 25 answers · asked by caligirl0677 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel that it is up to her to decide what to call him (not my husband or I) which is why we decided to start her out calling him Poppy in the first place. We wanted her to know she has a dad and for her to decide what kind of relationship she will have with him based on what her dad does...not us. I am in no way trying to make her real dad feel bad. Her dad and I actually get along fine and the older she gets the more he seems interested in being with her. I just don't think it is right of my husband to make her feel like "the step-child".
2006-08-31 15:05:03 · update #1
DUH!!! Of course she should, it might bother her daddy, but she knows the step dad as well as she does anyone right?
2006-08-31 13:35:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand where you are coming from because I have 2 children with my ex husband. They call their real dad "DADDY" and they call my current husband 'dad". My ex husband is ok with this though. But, you have to commend your husband on not trying to take over with your daughter, because like it or not, she is his step-child. I don't see what you are so bent out of shape over. Your husband is probably thinking of your ex husband's feelings also. He is about to be a dad and maybe he is thinking that he wouldn't want his child calling another man daddy. And even if your ex is an every other weekend dad, that is usually the way it works for dad's when they go through divorce, it doesn't mean that he doesn't want more time with his daughter so don't use that as a tool for her to call the new husband daddy.
2006-09-04 18:45:25 · answer #2 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with you on this. I think that by allowing his own child to call him daddy, but making his step child call him poppy your husband is drawing a line between the two children. This will make your daughter think she doesn't belong and isn't wanted.
Can't he see the trouble this will cause? How would he feel in the same type of situation? She has known him more than her own dad. He should feel honored if she wants to call him daddy.
2006-08-31 21:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but i think that you are way out of line. i think that if she starts to call him daddy it aint fare on her real daddy i know what you say about him being a weekend daddy but really it doesn't matter he is still her dad and i think that you need to realise that your husband has been a big man by staying with you and bringing your daughter up. he obviously does care about her to the point where he doesn't want her to get confused about who she is. sorry to put it so bluntly but it would be easier for him if he just said yes, but better off for your daughter if he says no.
2006-08-31 20:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by confused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of your first mistake is.. Your daughter should call him whatever she feels comfortable calling him, it should be his choice and she shouldnt be pressured either way.. My daughter calls both my husband and her dad, daddy, and when seperating the two.. she'll call my husband Daddy Joe.. She is perfectly aware of who her "father" is.. and its more important to me that my daughter feel comfortable in the situation then what My husband, Her father, or I feel.. she is top priority, and no one made her call him daddy she did it herself.. MORE then likely with ur Daughter being older, and her being in the habit of calling him Poppy that your new baby will follow suit with her and call him poppy.. from hearing and watching her.. And ur husband should treat both girls the same.. they should never feel like they are different , and if he is adamant about her not calling him daddy, then ur daughter will grow up with a complex that she will never measure up to in ur husbands eyes and will always feel like the outcast because she has a different father..
BUT HE NEEDS TO PUT HER NEEDS FIRST.. And she should call him whatever SHE feels comfortable with....
2006-08-31 20:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your husband. I think for now Poppy is okay since there is a daddy in his life too.
2006-08-31 20:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your daughters call on this one..Your husband on the other hand is entitled to have his opinion too..but he should have not said "to let her deal with it" Not nice to say. but I know you know as her mother and his wife what your husband means by all what he said..And You can feel it in your heart, that it hurts you. My only suggestion is...You as her mother you must always give her the same love and attention that you give to both child and it's always best to let her know verbally so that she hears it too, that you love her as much as the new baby. Don't concentrate to much on what your husband said, cause you already know what that meant, Now you must concentrate on raising 2 wonderful children and for a child to know that there mother is always gonna be there for them is the best feeling your child will ever feel. Good-Luck!
2006-08-31 20:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by nAiSa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it will be hurtful for your four year old to not be allowed to call her step dad daddy if her step sister is calling him daddy.
Talk to him and let him know that this would be a really hard thing for the four year old. It would be a signal that her step sister is more loved that her.
Tell him that he needs to deal, it isn't fair to exclude the four year old from her new family.
2006-08-31 20:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by bluechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's eating him? If the young girl wants to call him Daddy he should be happy about that, not upset. Wants wrong with her having two daddies? Poppy?? that's what my step-grandchildren call me!
2006-08-31 20:40:07 · answer #9 · answered by lonestaremt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You would do an injustice to both your daughter and her true father. Your husband obviously respects that. You should really question your motives for wanting your daughter to call your husband "daddy" despite the fact that she has a father who does participate in her life, however little. (...and who controls the amount of time her father gets to spend with her. You, the courts or both?) It really troubles me when I see women who want to push their children's fathers out of their lives. This is one of the greatest evils perpetrated by women in this time.
2006-08-31 20:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by JReb_67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be hurt by that. He was being very respectful to your daughters real dad.
I give him credit for that.
Plus, he probably is pretty proud of being called "Poppy"
2006-08-31 20:45:28 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋