My husband was depolyed and will be returning very soon. He says the first thing he wants to do is have sex and this is where the issue arises. We barely had sex before his deployment and I literally had to beg for it because he was "stressed" crap I didnt believe then and dont believe now.
I told him that there would come a day when he'd want sex and I wouldnt be interested. And that day has come. I dont want to have sex with him as soon as he gets here. I guess in a way I want him to feel how I felt so he can just understand where I was coming from. I know "getting even" doesnt solve anything, but I feel it can get my point across.
I have told him I dont want sex right away because we have to fix what was broken before he left. He says he is no longer "stressed"(how convenient) and isnt taking me seriously.
How can I make him understand where I am coming from without being this mean wife upon his return?
2006-08-31 13:13:57 · 23 answers · asked by lalala 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do whatever he pleases...youve lost your mind. Should I let him kill me if thats what he wants? LOSER!!!
2006-08-31 13:32:35 · update #1
I dont want a divorce I just want him to understand how I felt and still feel. I dont think you all are reading the question. Read the question before you answer, dont base your answer on others answers.
2006-08-31 13:34:33 · update #2
I LOVE MY HUSBAND...it is not disrespectful to want him ti know how I feel.
2006-08-31 13:35:43 · update #3
Don't go straight home.
Go somewhere on base and talk. I know it's not the ideal location, but you might want to get it out of the way immediately. He may be irrational at first, but if he's anything worth a good man, he'll listen to you. You also might want to look into marital counseling; he may not like it, but it'll come in handy later on. Finally, he's going to have to reprogram himself for being back in the States; it'd be a good idea to give him a hand in that.
2006-08-31 13:51:58 · answer #1 · answered by Joseph_Keith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like both of you are very-very young and got married just because he was getting deployed. This is not a way mature people handle problems. If both of you were mature enough for a marriage, he would have no problem telling you that he can't get it up because he feels death breathing at his neck instead of the "stressed" euphemism. And you would be a little more understanding and try to calmly get your point across through talking without resorting to eye for an eye tactic. Besides, the man was at war where at any given moment his life could tragically end. Don't you think it's a little petty to bring up some minor offense he did months ago? If you value your relationship with your husband, let it go for at least a month. When he comes back, greet him with a smile and nice lingerie. After some time passes and you are back in your family routine, you can mention to him that you were hurt by his actions back then because you didn't understand why he was acting like that towards you. Or I would suggest, don't bring it up at all. He had a damn good reason not to want sex at that time.
And lastly, if you think you are ready for a marriage, try to learn to look at the world as a grown up person. Or at least accept advise from grown ups.
2006-08-31 21:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply put if you are out to make a point withholding sex makes one- but probably not the one you want to make.
Most likely you will feel different about the sex issue once he is home. Save the discussions on the problems you had for a few days afterwards just enjoy the fact he came home alive.
Also I'm not sure you two should fight about problems you had in the past, time and serving during war changes people. I suggest you both calmly discuss the issues you had before and try to agree you will both work at not allowing them to happen again and then decide you start fresh. Holding a grudge between a couple over past things is never healthy but admitting mistakes and working toward making better choices is!
2006-08-31 20:19:52 · answer #3 · answered by Answerkeeper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought that maybe he was scared and afraid of what might happen to him while he was away doing something for this country so that you could be free??????? You know sometimes it happens and men can't get it up because of fear!!!!! so stop being selfish and be his wife and be glad you are not putting him in the ground!! You can still have sex and some of the women can't because their husbands are or never will come home. Think about that for a little while
2006-08-31 20:32:24 · answer #4 · answered by twinki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to be right? OR Do you want to be happy? I'm not sure how long you have been "married", but as a women~~ part of being a wife is making him feel like a man, & a wanted man at that. You say you don't wan't a divorce, after what he's been thru these past several months, eithier his wife takes care of his needs,~~~ or the neighbor lady , stripper down the street, or best buddy's sisters cousin will. (Plain and simply stated) I'm not trying to be cold here, but, guys will be guys and the sooner you understand thier game~~the better you can play it with them!!! If you don't take care of him, he WILL find it elsewhere.
2006-08-31 21:00:14 · answer #5 · answered by LuvyDuvy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
JUST MY THOUGHTS ON THIS: IMO, your not ready for a relationship. If you had issues before WHY ARE YOU STILL together? I don't understand where your coming from. I think you need to let this go. HE WAS STRESSED before he was worried about going WAR do you not get that? NOW he's aware of what lies ahead and he wants to get some if you don't then he has every right to go elsewhere. it's wrong in a relationship to say you did not want sex when i did so you can't have it now just dumb, break up!
2006-08-31 20:29:53 · answer #6 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
assuming that he has been gone at least 1 year.....why don't you want to have sex really? Have you been having an affair? He probably was stressed, you would to if you knew you would be going to an area that you could be killed......have the sex with him, and enjoy....discuss the problem the next day, and tell him that you were really hurt, and that whatever it was that stressed him out before, will either be discussed with you so you can understand, or there could be bad things happening in the relationship. You deserve to share in all things in his life, including why he was so stressed.
2006-08-31 20:47:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady, I suggest that you decide what you want, to make a point; or to help your marriage. When I was in the service, IF my wife had told me no sex, after a long separation, the marriage would have ended as quickly as I could have managed it. Now, you apparently already told him you don't plan to leap into bed. Now, IF he gets killed BEFORE he heads home, you will live with the knowledge that you hurt him, just to make a silly point, and you'll NEVER have a chance to fix things.
2006-08-31 20:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is returning from war, after risking his life to protect others, and you have the gall to deny him sex with his wife?!!! I'm sorry but that is downright selfish and wrong! Your thoughts should be on satisfying his every wanton desire---you're his WIFE for goodness sake! When will women stop using sex with their mates/husbands as a bargaining tool! God I'm just glad I'm married to a woman who respects me more than that! YOU NEED HELP!
2006-08-31 20:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he wants sex. He hasn't had it in a long time. If you withhold it from him, it will only add on to the issues you both have. Besides, I don't think you will get your point across with this method.
The best way is to communicate with him your frustrations. Two wrongs won't make a right anyway.
2006-08-31 20:25:22 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋