How do you all deal with an inlaw that is alway trying to hurt you? Whose always angry and intimidating me?

Question

My daughter in law. goes out of her way to be nasty to me, in what she says and does. She has refused to partictpate with me and allow me the time with my grandchildren. until I threatened my son that I would adopt some. Recently this DIL told me in so many words I was terrible Mother to my son and its not true. I was very close to my son until he married this girl. When I was in a car accident this DIL did not even allow my son to come and see me the first day. He cam as the eyars go by I feel she has not mellowed at all even though I got to se my grandchildren this summer, she has not alwoed me to see them before this and I feel like a stranger to two of them because she did not allow me to come for a visit unless she invited me. Few visits. and one time I went to see them she was so pissed off she would not even answer the door. The baby did. I feel she is disconnected in her feelings, she has no manners or social skills. I feel she is her own Mother. Not very sociable. either.

Answer 1

Do you have any clue (s) as to why she's the way she is? Did she have a bad upbringing or some issues with her own mother that she's putting onto you? Was there ever a time when the two of you got along, and if so, what changed that???

Certainly it can't be pleasant to deal w/this, but you need to remember that your son loves her (I'm assuming this, anyhow) and you don't want to create any more friction than already exists. Try to speak w/your son and let him know how unhappy it makes you not to be able to see your grandkids when you want to. Maybe he can bring the kids over to your place without your daughter-in-law present.

Good luck w/this difficult situation. I wish I had more suggestions!

Answer 2

Best advice: don't stir things up between you and your daughter in-law. Your son is automatically going to take her side no matter what you say. Even if it's true and he knows these things are happening, he will always take her side. He obviously loves her or else he wouldn't be married to her. My boyfriend was in the same situation and he took his wife's side before his parents because he thought that they were wrong about her and just didn't "know" her like he did. They wound up getting a divorce. Back to you, you know, in situations like these there isn't much you can do really. You just have to kind of sit back and let things happen. One day he might get sick of how she handles things. One thing you could do is talk to your son instead of her about spending more time with your grandchildren. Where is he when she automatically makes these decisions? I'm wondering if he has a say in anything that goes on concerning their children and other matters as well.

Answer 3

Start today and pour out all the love and care that you can find within onto your son, his wife, and their children. Negative and negative, don't work, but pour positive on it, and it has a tendency to crack the negative. Good overcomes evil.....but you got to really feel it for it to work, so if you don't, it will show, so pour out the real love and endure and watch the changes come...

Answer 4

family drama has been very popular for at least 100,000 years. why not try to figure out why it exists, and what you can do to avoid being as dysfunctional as the 1 trillion people who needed it to satisfy their unconscious needs and behaviors. check out the book *the complete idiot's guide to toltec wisdom*. without it and/ or counseling, your drama will be ceaseless. good luck ;-)