What do I do with my manipulative father-in-law?

Question

I have been happily married for 5 years now and my husband and I have a our first child on the way. My father-in-law who is recently divorced has moved into our neighborhood about 6 months ago and continually calls multiple times a day or even comes by the house frequently. Lately it's been getting a lot worse since he knows my baby will be born soon. About a month ago he put new door knobs on our house as a "gift," and made copies of the keys for himself. This has been a problem because when my husband and I aren't home, he comes over and unlocks our house as he pleases and does God knows what! Just yesterday we had a locksmith come over and change the locks for us because of our uneasiness about the situtation. My husband and I didn't even bother telling him that we did this because he would blow up. We've asked him to please respect our privacy and to not call as much, but he keeps on doing it. Does anybody have any suggestions as to what we should do? Thank you, Millie

Answer 1

You've already done the most important thing by having the locks changed.

As far as the calling, I think I would just not answer the phone (assuming you have Caller ID). If you've already asked him not to call so much, I don't know what else you can do short of being rude. Try to remember though that if he's newly divorced,he's probably lonesome. Maybe you could encourage him to meet some new friends, join a club or something that would fill up some of his free time.

Answer 2

This is kinda funny cause usually isn't it the mother-in-law that does this sorta crap, right? Anyway, it sounds to me like your husband is on your side about this issue which is good. I think that maybe your husband should take his father out and talk to him one-on-one. He really needs to put his foot down though. No beating around the bush or anything. He needs to tell his dad that he loves his visits, he just needs to make it less frequent. He should also let him know that he would love to have him come visit once the baby arrives. I think that your father-in-law is just feeling a little lonely and left out right now. He just got divorced, and you're having a baby soon. He may feel as though he will be forgotten about. That is probably why he is over doing it with trying to be around. He needs to understand that he is still loved and cared about too. If this doesn't help then maybe you need take more action and say have the police come talk to him. Either way, he needs to see the light and fast before your marriage gets ruined over this.

Answer 3

It is bad that you are so "scared" of this guy that you changed the locks without telling him, it's your house! Geez. Get a grip here. First of all, don't answer the phone, screen your calls or use that device that tells you who the caller is. Make times to see him, whenever you want him to come over. Plan dinner or lunch and INVITE him to come over then. If you don't start setting boundries, you are going to be miserable when the baby is born. Try to get him involved in some community things. Make phone calls and see what is available for him to do. No wonder this guy was divorced. It sounds like he put on the new door knobs just to manipulate getting a key. You need to have very firm boundries and stick to them.

Answer 4

A. It sounds like he's lonely. Older people like to feel needed and this is his way to garner that feeling. You might suggest social activities where he can make friends of his own age. Even a class at your local community college would open up new opportunities for him.

B. You might suggest a physical. He could have the beginning stages of dementia/senility.

C. You and you husband need to sit down with dad and propose boundaries. Set up visiting times maybe a regular once a week meal with the family. Ask his help in minor repairs that can be done when you are both at home. Suggest times for visiting and insist that he call before he "drops" in to make sure you are in reception mode.

This needs to be established before the baby is born or he will drive you nuts.

Answer 5

You did the right thing changing the locks, now get caller ID and don't answer when he calls or at least after his first two calls of the day or whatever, number you think is appropriate, You can get a phone where you can turn the ringer of so the niose doesn't bother you.

Answer 6

Please dont problem. a minimum of YOUR fiance nonetheless plans on marrying you. My fiance's relatives have executed their perfect to smash my destiny with my fiance and that's working. i will no longer additionally be getting married. ideas you my wedding ceremony is barely approximately 6 weeks away and my mothers and dads will lose all their deposits ( and a few additionaly money) for all the folk I even have employed already. And now i will no longer additionally be getting married. that's not undemanding to handle terrible human beings yet all you're able to do is be the advantageous guy or woman you're. Dont supply in to them. Make him experience in charge. call his father and say how upset you're that he cant make it and that his son became in accordance with him to be there. because he's egocentric then he could LOVE the attention you're giving him and love how significant you're making him sound. If that doesnt help then merely say "oh properly...we can coach you the pictures or video as quickly as we come abode then! Bye!" And go away it at that. merely clarify on your fiance which you're sorry his father cant make it with the aid of vacationing yet he can consistently call his dad the day in the previous and after the marriage. additionally that's perfect he WONT be there. reason then he wont be able to polish the spotlight on himself while you're turning out to be married.

Answer 7

well that is easy you already changed the locks so I'm sure he got that message. now all you have to do is tell him in a nice way or don't answer the phone when he call. then don't answer the door when he comes over. he will get the picture really fast.

Answer 8

Your husband needs to tell his father to leave you two alone and not come over till he is invited. and It sounds like your father in law needs to be in a home with other guys his age , he needs a life of his own. if your husband does not lay the facts to him then you need to . even if your husband gets mad at you. you need your own space and time alone with your husband and especially after the baby is born and at home.

Answer 9

She already had a locksmith change the locks.

My suggestion? Talk to him rationally about it in a public place.

If that doesnt work, catch him in a bear trap and punch him in the prostate.

Answer 10

i think should talk to him ,and explain to him , he is part of your family wither U like it or not, make him feel useful and Drew the line in the same time that you need privacy,i have a feeling he wants to feel love after his divorce.