You are married. You have three children with your spouse. Two of which are bilogically not yours. You love them all the same. At one point your spouse sleeps with the ex. You forgive your spouse and TRY and move on and honor your Vows. Six months later the person whom your spouse slept with is in the hospital going through a routine operation that suddenly turns serious. Life and death serious. Now your spouse is naturally worried. Two of the three kids you are raising belong to this person. And they might or might not lose a parent. The last 4 days your spouse has been spending alot of time at the hospital. You are not insecure. But are concerned with the amount of time your spouse is spending there. You are still building your trust for your spouse. Your spouse asks u 2 be understanding. Is it wrong to be angry at this? Considering this is the same person your spouse slept with six months b4. Is it wrong to feel nothing for this person whose life is hanging in the balance?
2006-08-31 11:54:06 · 18 answers · asked by Divine_Gesture 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your feelings are never wrong. Based on what you wrote above, your spouse still cares about his ex. Actions speak louder than words. You don't have to feel anything for the other person, however this other person was also once a part of your spouse's life. They share 2 children together and might be more concerned for the fact that their children might lose a parent than anything else.
The time your spouse spends with this person is a bit excessive though and you need to ask yourself how much is too much when it comes to your tolerance of this situation. Although your spouse asks you 2 be understanding, there's a limit to that understanding.
Only you know what to do in this situation but speaking for myself, I would be a bit angry with the time spent with the ex. Afterall, it's a bit inappropritate to a degree that it bothers you. The main thing is you speak with your spouse about how you feel. Then, make a decision.
2006-08-31 12:14:07 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong to feel as you do. If it wasn't for the infidelity, you would probably feel just as bad if only on your children's behalf. It is VERY hard to rebuild the trust once it has been broken. Your spouse needs to understand that they have every right to be concerned, but to hover at the sickbed of an ex is not appropriate, unless they are taking the children to visit. I'm sure this person has family and loved ones of their own to provide emotional support.
2006-08-31 12:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for the two children. You are the only person they can count on right now. Its obviously a rough situation, but keep yourself in order. Now is not the time to bring drama into the kid's lives. You will come out smelling like a rose in the end.
2006-08-31 12:03:26 · answer #3 · answered by JillA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The person can go hang for all I care. He was having an illicit affair with your spouse and your spouse cheated on you. I have no compassion for him. I hope that he will die and then your wife can no longer carry on cheating you with him. If he pulls through, you need to get your wife to completely stop seeing or talking to him. Or else you need to divorce her. Cheaters should not be let off so easily.
2006-09-01 05:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being that it has come to a life turning experience, is a good point in your life to make the changes happen. All three need to sit and talk about this arrangement, which is obvious not working for you. He is being very insensitive w/ your point of view and taking advantage of it alot more w/ what has developed. Is time to get up, stop looking into the issue, and take action.
2006-08-31 12:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by lopez76g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The operation is still going on?? Dude, you asked the same question a few days ago. At least rephrase it, geez. Your spouse is a cheater, deal with it; yes, it's wrong to keep being angry at it, just accept it or move on with your life.
2006-08-31 12:13:26 · answer #6 · answered by codex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a toughie! I think if I were in your situation I would insist that he only go to the hospital when I could go with him. He did abuse your trust with this person after all so I wouldn't think it would be to much to ask that their visits be at least supervised. I would not try to say he couldn't go at all because as you said they have children between them. I'm sorry for your position in all this.
2006-08-31 12:23:14 · answer #7 · answered by tallgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you are feeling is natural. I would try to be understand but you have to tell your spouse how you feel, if they can't understand how you are feeling maybe its not ment to be. One thing I know is that things happen for a reason.
2006-08-31 11:59:59 · answer #8 · answered by Drew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not worng. Your feelings are just as important as everyone else's feelings... Give your self time and you will get over it. It's just that you dont trust your spouse. I would see how understanding he is towards your feelings in all of this.
2006-08-31 11:56:37 · answer #9 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason you'd have to feel badly, is if he lives. He knew she was married, and screwed around anyway. He is scum. Buddy, give your wife two choices. Get divorced, or cut off ALL contact with the guy. The ONLY conversation she should have with him is when he is to see his kids. Unless she agrees, file for divorce. Sadly, unless you allow her to continue playing around with her semi ex, I expect she'll decide to leave you. BUT, if it's that way, you are better off without her.
2006-08-31 12:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋