2006-08-31 10:58:32 · 56 answers · asked by fiona245523 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get out of there now! they don't always stop with just hitting.
2006-08-31 11:00:43 · answer #1 · answered by sheepherder 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tupassister is right.Maybe you are even afraid that he may come after you if you leave.I have been there and it is hard to move on knowing that he is the man you love and want to be with.
What about mutual friends and family who may be able to talk him into getting help.But trust me there are people out there who can help.Even the police.
Do not take your vows so seriously that you think you should stay even with an abusive spouse because its a "til death do you part"thing.It is one of the two reasons to separate from a spouse.
If you think you are able to talk to your spouse and tell him that he is hurting you.To be on the safe side have a witness(friend relative,someone who you both look up to)to support you at that moment.And express to your husband that you love him very much but he hurting you and you think that a separation is needed.Support much as you can but you need time away as well to heal
I hope this helps you out a bit.Keep your head high and the Best of luck
2006-09-03 05:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by JUSEve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have a low opinion of yourself and on some level you think you deserve it. Remember - what's in sober comes out drunk, so he probably has the urge at other times but can't control it when he's blotto. Is this the life you truly want for yourself? Do you really want to live in fear of someone who's supposed to love you. Fear cancels out love and eventually you'll be staying purely out of fear. You love him because you've bonded with him. Remember - someone even bonded with Hitler; the person becomes a habit we don't want to give up.
He'll only change when there are bad consequences for him for what he's doing. Bad consequences for you are meaningless to him, otherwise he couldn't do it. Do you think he could inflict pain on you if he loved you, or does he just love having a sexual partner that he can vent his anger on when life gets too hard for him - as it does for all the other men who don't hit their partners. Think, girl - every now and then, just think about these things.
2006-08-31 21:49:29 · answer #3 · answered by Frankie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are insecure about yourself, I know this because I was. I stayed in that relationship for 10 years and the 10th year I was hit so hard I was in a coma for 3 days. I always thought that the abuse would stop I got him into treatment (he wouldn't complete) and tried everything and to be honest with you now its almost 4 years later I am remarried but for some reason I still think of him and sometimes I thought that I still loved him until I ran into him a few months ago and when I looked into his baby blue eyes I seen him for what he really was, but I needed to see him to make sure for myself that there was nothing there and let me tell you there was nothing there!! So I guess my advise to you is it wont get better unless you can get him to counseling and he completes it and always stays with it. Good Luck Girl and My Prayers are with you!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-31 11:10:50 · answer #4 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with loving him, you can't switch that on and off like a light.
Surely the more important question should be, if you're still with him, why are you allowing him to continue to treat you like this?
Nobody should have to put up with this situation - nobody deserves it. Remember that you are worth more. Think about how happy you are, regardless of whether you still love him or not. Sometimes loving someone isn't a good enough reason to stay with them and sometimes in the long run you are happier without them.
2006-08-31 11:06:31 · answer #5 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be one or both of the following:
You love who he was in a time when he didn't hit you, or who he is when he's not drunk
You are seeing only what you want to see and are living in a dream
As hard as it is, you need to move on with your life. Physical abuse is NOT OK! My ex-boyfriend used to hit me, but he was never drunk. I still loved him and I wanted that love so badly I didn't see what was right in front of my nose. I saw the world through rose-colored glasses. It was so hard at first! Then I found a boyfriend who really does love me and would never hurt me and I've been with him ever since.
My dad is an alcoholic and was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to my mom. I told her for six months to get a divorce but she kept holding onto hope. She finally divorced him when he cheated on her, ironically, with another alcoholic.
You need to be strong and protect yourself. Please get yourself out of that relationship ASAP. I hope this helps and best of luck to you.
2006-09-04 04:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by Angie B. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably because something inside your head is telling you that either you don't deserve any better or that this isn't the real him or that he'll change because he's sorry for it after.
All that is wrong.
You DO deserve better, this IS the real him and he's NEVER going to change because it's just who he is. I'm sorry for that... and I'm sorry you're living this... but it's the truth.
Now... here's what you need to know: You can still love him and leave him at the same time. Loving him does not mean you have to accept his abuse. Period. I left my abuser and I've remarried... many years later... and if I had to say "who was the greatest love of my life" it would have been him... in many ways and for many reasons... and he pulled emotions and intensity out of me in a way I never knew possible.
But... I had to leave.
I loved him all the way out the door... and I loved him years after... but I had to leave because he wasn't safe for me to be with. It wasn't a terrible thing to do to him. It was what I had to do for me.
Please don't accept or tolerate this from anyone. You do deserve better... and it's not dishonoring your love for him to keep yourself safe. Love him from somewhere else... wish him well... move on. The only thing you're saying to him by staying is "it's okay for you to hit me."
Stay safe... I'm wishing you well.
2006-08-31 11:06:58 · answer #7 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can love someone , but put up with that He-- no . You need to get out of that or get your self a hammer for the next time he gets drunk, hes got some issues that need attention.You should never have to take abuse from someone you love physical or mental.
2006-08-31 11:06:18 · answer #8 · answered by ret w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that actually you love the memory of him before things got this bad, you can still picture how happy you were and hope that things will go back to this rather than get any worse. This hope clouds your judgement a bit i think and actually you are putting yourself in danger as someone who is violent when they are drunk is capable of being extremely harmful as they are irrational and out of control. I think you should seek help for both of you.
2006-08-31 11:02:23 · answer #9 · answered by seaside_girl_03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately because you are emotionally insecure. You probably hope he will change. Unless he gets help for his drinking problem he will not change. I am willing to bet that if he died tomorrow and another man stepped in and took care of you the way you deserve to be treated, you'd forget about his sorry a ss within an hour. Good luck
2006-08-31 11:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by puresatin 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
One more punch could be the last and the man you love would be in prison and you my love would be dead.A good friend of mine put up with a violent drunk he would pour petrol over her and scare her by flicking cigarette lighters over her,he burned her legs with a heated up metal pole and finally he slashed her across the face with a knife cutting the end of her nose off,DONT BE THE NEXT!
2006-08-31 11:24:56 · answer #11 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋