Okay, so my best friend is a lovely person, she's fun, she's funny, a good friend. But she is the most irrisponsible, and selfish person I have ever met. She has no work ethic, she's been fired from 10 jobs or so. So this although this is annoying, I never really thought about it until now, because she put me as a refrence for the new job she applied for. I normally wouldn't have trouble lying for a friend, I mean, I want her to get a good job and that's what best friends do for each other. But this job happens to be a nanny for two children. Just the idea of a person like her being in charge of kids frightens me to death. I want to be a good friend and give her a good review, but do I have a responsibility to tell this poor woman who exactly she is hiring for the sake of the children?
So basically be a good friend, or be a truthful bad (but meaning well) friend?
2006-08-31 10:43:47 · 11 answers · asked by sierramac11 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tell your friend you're sorry, but you can't give her a recommendation for the nanny job, or any job, because you have never worked with her.
Don't call the mother, because if you disparage your friend and that causes her not to get hired she could sue you.
2006-08-31 10:47:26 · answer #1 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would have said something when she first asked you to be a reference... something honest. If you were wanting someone to look after your kids, would you appreciate the reference person lying just because they reckon it's the right thing to do for a friend. Tell your friend you are sorry, but you can't be a useful reference for her with a position like this. It's better than lying to some poor mother or badmouthing your friend.If you're polite and tactful, hopefully she'll understand where you're coming from. Maybe help by suggesting other jobs more suited to her character?
2006-08-31 17:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of it this way, if she falls asleep and one of the kids gets severely hurt and your friend not only feels horrible but gets fired and then possibly sued. technically you're saving her from this terrible fate. plus could you live with yourself if you said she was responsible ( as her reference ) only to find out she's neglected a child? and what about human nature to protect innocents?!? just tell the woman, if she even calls you, that you love your friend dearly, she is sweet and fun to be around, but you are nervous for her, since she's never had a job with so much responsibility. that way the woman can interpret it whatever way she chooses, and you didn't technically say anything bad about your friend ( so when she asks if you gave her a good review, you can say with all honesty that you did!) while also not digging yourself a guilt pit if something were to happen to those kids, or if this turns out to be the perfect job for your friend.
2006-08-31 17:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by swsbcabg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, it's the best policy and all that. If you give a poor review, and the friend asks you about it, tell her something like you thought her skills would be wasted at such a job...Chances are the woman hiring, won't tell her the reasons for her not getting the job.
2006-08-31 17:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be truthful...its a question of ethics...You should always have a problem..."lying for a friend". Its part of personal growth...The truth is the truth...End of story...If you have a problem with someone using you as a reference, then tell them....
2006-08-31 17:54:01 · answer #5 · answered by zeakster01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For Pete's sake they're kids !!! Can you imagine what this sloppy friend of yours might do to them with her irresponsible behavior? What if they were your kids, would you entrust them to her? Never implicate or involve yourself and, better still, dump this sick character. You cannot trust her even to empty your garbage can.
2006-08-31 17:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to follow your heart on this one, which would be to answer the women's questions honestly and truthfully, then if it comes back to your friend tell her why you did it. Children are the future!
2006-08-31 17:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be a truthful frnd you may seem lyka ***** for that moment
but you are actuali helpng her imporve
so jus chill
2006-08-31 17:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by depressd freak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should discuss it with her .. ask her if she really wants to do it and if she thinks shes responsible enough for it.. thats tough.. =\.. i think talking to her about it is the best thing to do.
2006-08-31 17:48:00 · answer #9 · answered by Love2loveYa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what's right
2006-08-31 17:47:56 · answer #10 · answered by mil_millones_vivir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋