Will you tell me something really funny?

Question

If you do, I'll give you the 10 points.

Answer 1

go to google, type in "failure" and hit "i'm feelin' lucky"...:-)

Answer 2

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?



Let's find out just how clever you really are.




Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)



First Question:


You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?



Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:




If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?



You're not very good at this! Are you?




! Third Question:


Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.





Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?




Scroll d! own for answer.




Did you get 5000?



The correct answer is actually 4100.



Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day Maybe you will get the last question right?


Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?





Answer:Nunu?


NO!Of course not.
Her name is Mary .Read the question again




Okay, now the bonus round:


There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.



Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?






He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.




KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE

SMART PEOPLEIN YOUR LIFE

Answer 3

well, i was in a play and i was given the profomance. Well, In the play ALADDIN i played the part as iago. I had to fly in but walk like a bird. and run into the table, well, i did that but a little too hard. I actually flipped the table over and i flipped over the table onto my back. It hurted for at least a month, I knocked thewind out of me and forgot a few lines. I could only hear the audience saying. OHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh . . . it was a funny expereince. illl laught at it forever

Answer 4

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"


ha thats funny!

Answer 5

This is a the funniset Christmas story that I ever found and every season I send it out to all my friends. To me it's a keeper.
---------------
A Christmas story: Lovable Louise
Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2000
From: Jack Shea
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowing, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty and grew increasingly threadbare.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and a fake beard and went in search of an inflatable love doll.

Of course, they don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself.

I was there almost three hours saying things like, "What does this do?"

"You're kidding me!"

"Who owns that?"

"Do you have their phone number?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll suitable for a night of romance that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

I'm not sure what a complicated doll is. Perhaps one that is subject to wild mood shifts and using a French accent for no reason at all. (That also describes a few ex-boyfriends.) Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models.

The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I figured the "vibro-motion" was a feature Jay could live without, so I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and cleverly left the front door key hidden under the mat.

In the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I snuck into the house and filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. Then I let myself out, went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. He would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. I suggested he purchase an inflatable Lassie to set Rover straight. We also agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

It seemed like a great idea, except that we forgot that Grandma and Grandpa would be there. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.

"What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. I hadn't seen any in the box, but I kept this information to myself.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said," Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed, I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Answer 6

Here is a funny job excuse:

Sorry i won't be able to come in today, My fish is sick so I have to bring him to the vet and see what is going on. I really hope you don't mine me being out. Oh and can i get a $200 raise your the best lauren.

Answer 7

This lesbian chick cut my hair and she was being all rough, like pulling my hair and violently moving my head around. I did all I could to keep from laughing becuase it seemed like she was hating cutting my hair, or she either hated men in general. It was funny to me because it was the fastest haircut I've ever had and she did an allright job. Then I tipped her 5 bucks for a $12.00 haircut...Then she was all nice and like "Thanks hun"

Answer 8

I own a Rubber Ducky Ranch and Day Spa. You can check my 360 for proof.

Answer 9

ok heres one thing.Today in school the teacher got a note.he looks inside it and reads out loud "please give to all students on the august 29".
uhhh....what else.....oh!!!!I went on a boat ride and we saw alot of cows and birds,when a bird flew under a cows tail the cow hit the bird with its tail and the bird fell.it was really funny to see.

Answer 10

ok there was this girl that walked into the doctors office and this doctor that was there thought she was so beautiful that he lost his sence of mind. well, as she was in his office he asked her..take of ur pants..she did..he started to rub her legs..the he asked"do u know what im doing?" she said yes..checking for abnormbalitys..then he asked her..take of ur shirt..she did..he started to feel her breasts..he asked her "do u know what im doing?" she said yes..ur checking for cancer.then he told her to take everything off..she did..he had sex with her..he asked.."do u know what im doing?" she said yes..
ur getting herpess cause thats what im here for..

Answer 11

Katie Couric, while interviewing a Marine sniper, asked: "What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?"

The Marine shrugged and replied: "Recoil."