I'm writing a novel and would like some feedback?

Question

You can read the start of my story at...

http://www.freewebs.com/enchantedcheesecake/theuntitledproject.htm

(Scroll past the intro and the poll to the part that says "Prologue".) By the way, I am only thirteen, fourteen soon, and have been writing since I was little. Thanks for your time!

Answer 1

Nice work – but sometimes just a little choppy. Also, I noticed when describing visual elements you tend to get a little wordy and repetitive.

The best advice I ever received from any English professor in collage was “read your work out loud”. This will help you smooth out the rough edges and help you find when you are being too descriptive. I recommend doing this multiple times for each chapter several days apart.

This being said I would like to add it is a GREAT STORY. Keeps it up!

Answer 2

DON'T post an unpublished story on the web unless it's in a password-protected forum of some sort. Most publishers consider works that have been freely available to the public to have been previously published. You won't be able to sell First Rights on such a story. If you join an online critiquing group, make sure people need to register and log in to read your story.

Otherwise, no publisher wil be able to buy your story and you'll have to pay someone to publish it, rather than THEM paying you.

Answer 3

My goodness, if you are truly 13, you are very talented. My feedback for you is excellent with a couple qualifiers.

Some of the syntax is a bit awkward, and don't try to use a complex word where a simple one will do - such as the word discern. Read your work out loud, just by yourself to get a sense of the flow.

Know your target audience. if you are writing for teens, keep it real, if you want a broader audience, you can take more vocab. risks.

Good good job....you really have a way with words

Answer 4

Oh my Goodness this is awesome girl! If I hadn't known that you were 14 I would have guessed JK Rollins wrote this! Keepgoing I want to read the rest of it ! you have so got me hooked I would buy this book for myself and my kids! By the way I'm 30 years old and an avid reader so when I say this is awesome I mean it! eep it up looks like you got alot of readers waiting on the ending!

Answer 5

A few too many descriptive words but for a 13 year old, you are doing fine. I kept thinking of the Matrix though and you might get some flack for not having an original idea but keep working with it. You have to start somewhere!

Answer 6

My editor read it a few minutes ago during break and she loves it! Send her the final manuscript as an MS Word attachment, Subject line: Answers MS.
Good luck,
J

Answer 7

You've got style, that you do. Your grammar, as others said, needs some fixing. I wouldn't worry about it so much, though, especially at your age. Read lots of books, and keep practising: write as you please! If you do both you'll get through the technical issues. Good work.

Answer 8

I read the whole thing! That is really good! Are you gonna publish it? I really want to read more. Is Adam good or bad?? Whats gonna happen next?! I am just so curious! lol You are a REALLY good writer.

Answer 9

Very promising. You show a remarkable talent and a fair degree of narrative control. You will only get better!

Answer 10

This is spectacular! Ill buy your book when it comes out! Make sure know one takes it! I wrote a book but i am too afraid to let it out. Its romantic, I only showed it to my fifth grade teacher and she said she cried. Good JOB!