He and I have been friends through some very harrowing situations. We have been room mates for more than five years now. In that time we have both had severe illnesses and also we have been homeless. We have had very strong bonds but lately it seems to me that this is a one way street. I feel used. It makes me very unhappy to feel that someone whom I have loved and trusted uses me and it makes me furious at myself that I have let him.
2006-08-31 09:10:41 · 5 answers · asked by Sandra W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You love him and beacause of that no advice will matter. You know what you need and you will go after it
2006-08-31 09:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
HELPING FRIENDS IS GOOD, UNTIL IT MAKES YOU EEL USED. YOU ENJOYED BEING THE SAVIOR, AND WHEN THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT AND THEY WANT MORE, YOU LATER FEEL LIKE A MARTYR.
IT IS UNHEALTHY IS YOU TEACH THAT PERSON THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BAIL THEM OUT, EVEN AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE, AND THAT THEY CAN EXPECT THAT FROM YOU.
YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT SOME OF THE RESPONSIBLITY FOR FEELING USED HERE....
IF YOU WAN TO KEEP THE FRIENDSHIP AND STOP FEELING USED, DEMAND MORE RESPECT AND APPRECIATION. WELL, DON'T JUST GO TELL THEM THAT. SHOW THEM WITH YOUR BEHAVIOR. DON'T BE SO EAGER TO GO FIX SOMETHING FOR THEM. AND ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN RETURN.
LEARN TO SAY "IF I DO THIS, WILL YOU DO THAT?" ASK FOR A RETURN. AND IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, THEN NEXT TIME THEY ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING, TELL THEM YOU ARE RELUCTANT BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL APPRECIATED.
THAT'S HONEST, RIGHT? YOU FEEL UNDERVALUED AND UNAPPRECIATED? YOU CAN GET OVER THIS BY TEACHING YOUR FRIEND TO TREAT YOU BETTER.
2006-08-31 16:30:00 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start setting boundaries, and most importantly, communicate with him. He might not know how you feel. If you find it hard to talk to him, you might want to even just show him this very question you asked in here. After you are sure he understands, little by little make some changes. Set a date that he needs to move out. And encourage him to make other friends.
2006-08-31 16:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In all the time you have been together I'd say you both use each other. Thats what true friends do. So dont feel used just know its only him leaning on you, and you will also once again need to lean on him someday too. You have to give to get. It works both ways. It isnt all his fault, you made your own bed.
2006-08-31 16:16:10 · answer #4 · answered by reasonable-sale-lots 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hunny you don't have to do anything....it's time to grow up and let him do things on his own be there to listen but don't bail him out of everything it won't help either of you.
2006-08-31 16:14:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋