Should we have separate accounts?

Question

My husband and I have been married a little over a year, and we have an 8 month old child.

His monthly bills are incredibly high and he makes very little. I, on the other hand make more money and have very little bills...

Yet, we are always broke, he controls what I spend (which means I can't buy anything without asking) and spends money we don't have on a worthless truck.

I end up paying for the daycare, the rent, the bills etc. etc. while his checks only cover his credit cards, student loans, and commute. I am a little fed up, but don't know what to do.

Would you separate bank accounts and let him figure it out on his own? Or continue to act as a team, even if you felt you were pulling all the weight?

Answer 1

Seperate them ASAP. Watch the Suzie Orman show.

Answer 2

This decision will affect your marriage and family significantly. I suggest getting help communicating about it, say from an older family member you both trust and respect, or an outside family counselor. Part of the issue is financial, and it's admirable that you are thinking before you act. It sounds like you have a difficult combination of dynamics going on (that is, he's in charge, but you're the breadwinner). This (and many other family situations) can escalate into the "wrong" kind of communication (yelling, hurt feelings, etc.) if not handled with care. Having a wise third party involved can help separate the issues and tackle them one at a time, leading to a win-win solution (one where you all feel good about the outcome).

Having said all of that--In the meantime, having your own personal account (no matter what you choose to do with the joint account) is wise. A person (not just a woman) should ALWAYS have an emergency stash that no one else can touch.

Answer 3

He's relying on you to help him out of debt. Chances are, if he budgeted, he could find a way to help with the bills. Why is he making so little and what can he do to change that.... perhaps a new job? You're going to end up broke if you keep this up. Get yourself a savings account and don't tell him about it. Put a little aside each pay. Just enough "emergency $" for yourself and your child. The two of you need to discuss this before it becomes a serious issue. 1. Rule... no yelling. If either of you start yelling about money, it's time to go to separate corners and chill out. Good luck.

Answer 4

I believe that if one partner makes alot more that it is fair that the contribute more, especially if they choose to up the living expenses (ie a nicer pad). It sounds like he is getting a pretty sweet deal though and is perhaps taking advantage. Take a close look at exactly how much more you make, and how much more it is fair that you contribute, then let him know what part he needs to pick up. Having two accounts might show him how to spend his money more responsibly, and make him appreciate just how much you contribute.
On another note he has absolutly NO right to tell you what you can and cant buy, even if he did make all the money and had you on an allowance it would still be controlling behavior.

Answer 5

I would suggest 3 accounts right now - yours, his and joint. Each would keep a certain percentage (same on both sides) to put into "their" account. The rest would go in the joint account to pay bills and essentials. Personal items - clothes, video games, etc. - would come out of the individual account. If it was something you both would use on a regular basis then you'd see if the joint account could afford it.

Suddenly coming up with completely separate bank accounts could head you towards divorce if his insecurities aren't pushing you there already. I'd also suggest going to a financial and/or marriage counselor so that the idea would come from an outside source.

Answer 6

Definately let him know how you feel..I would work on it as a team...because your money is his, and his is yours, right? That's how it should be if you two are married. His bills are your bills now and the same with yours...you knew of them before you got married, or at least you should have. There are some things you could work on (so maybe you aren't as broke in the future) like getting rid of the truck or something...getting something less expensive (that gets better gas milage!!). That's what I would do!! And don't let him spend money excessively...talk to him about a plan you should come up with to stop the spending unwisely. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

You better nip this in the bud right now. You work and you have to report to him what you are spending? This will never change unless YOU do something about it. Are you willing to put up with this for a lifetime? Separate accounts might be an answer but you'd probably still be bailing him out. As a married couple you might be responsible for his debts. Try to get him to agree to something....and make it think like it was his idea. Tell him you can no longer tolerate the way the finances are being handled.

Answer 8

I would talk to him first, before going to extreme measures. Tell him you have a child now and that you feel he's spending money irresponsibly. Before seperating accounts, take into consideration how you would feel if he did that to you. I think, no matter what you should always try to work as a team, and it sounds like you do too, but he doesn't sound like he feels that way because he's not being a team player. Trust me when I say you don't want to be the one he can point the finger at and say it's your fault this marriage didn't work...if he's acting this way, when he does see reality as long as he doesn't have anyone to blame, he will take responsibility for how he's acting instead of blaming you. So I say whatever you have to do to make him see that, but do not be the one to make the big move.

Answer 9

been there done that, we just got a divorce. We tried the separate accounts but when the bills came he always had nothing to contribute. He had just bought a box of collectible post cards/ a piece of depression glass/etc./etc./etc. One way he didn't want to try was a 3 account approach. ALL of the money gets deposited into a bill account and you are each paid an 'allowance' from this account. Worth a try. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I am married, and I suggest you act as a team BUT tell him that he needs a better job and he needs to make an effort towards the other bills (not just his bills) If this doesn't work after a couple of months (weeks) then tell him you are gonna open up an account on your own, and when he gets his financial situation straight, you'll go back to a joint account.

Answer 11

Being married includes sharing income and expenses. Try sitting down together and working out a budget that both of you can live with, which will allow spending money for both of you. If this doesn't work, then it's okay to have separate accounts. Lots of young couples have separate accounts where each spouse is responsible for paying certain bills.