My husband don't like to talk, he likes to keep secrets from me. Well about a year ago he told me he don't love me, so we separet for about 6-8 months, but nwo he asked to go back with me, so I said yes, because I had a newborn baby, and we needed him.
But now I don't feel the same for him, I don't love him the same way, sometimes I just want for him to leave me alone.
He doesn't like to hug me, or tell me that he loves me, how am I supposed to know if he loves me or not?
I just don't know what to do, please helpppppp!
2006-08-31 07:24:44 · 84 answers · asked by sexysisi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are many fish in the sea... Swim on...
2006-09-07 14:48:09 · answer #1 · answered by lovelostboys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel the same way about him or he doesn't show any means of loving you or caring about you, then you really need to move on. There is another choice of the matter. You could go to marriage counseling. I have heard from some of my married friends that that really works. Although, with some marriages it won't. But all that you can do is try it out. It never hurts to try. You are in my thoughts. I hope everything works out ok, and even if it doesn't, you will always have the good memories of when you were together.
2006-09-08 06:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by boxers_r_us2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like either of you are happy. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
It is better to be alone and happy than with someone that brings you down. I know from personal experience. A lot of people stay in relationships because they don't want to be alone. I hate using this cliche but there are other fish in the sea!
If you are questioning the relationship this much, my advice is to get out. Don't waste a day when you could be meeting the man of your dreams!!!(or maybe just a fling with a great body) Either way, you have to live your life in happiness....take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and follow your heart.
Best of luck, friend!
2006-09-08 06:49:20 · answer #3 · answered by Amandy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should be with him. I know you think you need him because of the baby, but your emotions and stress levels will be up to the sky with the baby anyway. You don't need him adding to all that. Single mothers make it all the time. He keeps secrets from you, which means he doesn't trust you.
I had a boyfriend once who I loved with my whole heart. We ended up separating for a few months, and when we got back together I didn't love him the same anymore either. Just like you. I realized that before, I really did love him. But after separating, it wasn't the same. Turns out, I still loved him, I just wasn't IN LOVE with him anymore. I think thats where you are now. You don't love him the same way you used to, and you just want him to leave you alone. I think you are only in love with the idea of still being in love with him.
I don't know if this will help, or give you the answer you are looking for, but sometimes the answer you want isn't the one you need.
2006-09-08 06:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first decision to make is whether you can fix it. If it's like you say- he doesn't love you and you don't love him- then you can't fix it and you need to get out. That won't be easy when you have children. Nothing you can do will be easy. You could hook up with the first guy who come along, but he might stop loving you later and you'll be back in the same place or worse.
I suggest that you make your absolute best effort to work things out. Talk to your husband, tell the truth, get him to hear you. If that doesn't work, find a member of your family that you can stay with and make a clean break from this marriage. You say he keeps secrets from you. You could forgive him if you could get him to stop keeping secrets, but if you take revenge on him by treating him the way he treats you, then you will make yourself into what you hate. Not good. Lies are payback for lies, but it takes honesty to defeat lies. The honest way to battle with lies is by making the liar look at the truth. Tell him "I'm your wife and this is your child and if you can't love us, we have to leave."
It's normal for people to need their own space. Everyone has a right to be left alone sometimes. That doesn't mean that there isn't any love in a person. But you have some minimum requirements about love: you want to be hugged and you want to be told that he loves you. You might have to teach him how to do this. Guys don't always learn the important stuff on their own.
So first thing: are you going to try or are you going to give up?
Giving up starts with getting out. Trying starts with communicating better than you have before.
I hope this helps.
2006-08-31 07:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by anyone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you guys had already separated, why in the world would you go back with him? You say you have a newborn baby!! But that's not a good enough reason. For the simple fact you guys don't love each other anymore. What makes you believe that your baby is gonna get you guys closer? Being a father or husband is to different words and meanings. Maybe as a husband the love isn't there any more. But as a dad the love for his child will remain there. The same goes for you, maybe you don't love your husband anymore. But the love you have for your child will not change weather your stay with your husband or not!! Believe you deserve better than that. No woman deserves to be mistreat it!!!!!
2006-08-31 07:38:06 · answer #6 · answered by hazelshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things change after having a baby for the both of you.
the best thing to do is be up front, communicate If you think its worth saving the relationship .why stay together if you dont love each other? There could be the right guy
waiting for you. I waisted 6 years of my life on my ex...We didn't love each other, .I kept thinking things would change .I was so stupid.Then we had a baby togetherThings got worse, and I left him" 2months after our baby was born" . I never regret leaving .
I found my soul mate and every time he walks though the
door I still get butterflies.. I could have missed out on him.. There is someone perfect for you out there ,hes waiting for you
He will love you and your baby...... don't give up hope.....my sons' father gets to see him, But now he has two Dads that love him soooooo much.....don't know if youre religious , but I also prayed alot . best wishes ...
2006-09-08 06:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by rokrgrl77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So ummm was he like this before you married him? If so why did you marry him in the first place? The only way you can know if he loves you is if he tells you he does...You separated once but YOU chose to go back to him, why? You could have filed for child support for the baby and possibly support for yourself as well if you weren't working/unable to work. Either you are willing to put up with things the way they are or you're not, it's your call. No one can tell you what to do.
2006-09-07 16:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My relationship is the same way. He doesn't really care about me. He told me that this is the way things are and I need to shutup and get over it.
If you have the choice I would tell you to find someone that will make you happy because you deserve to be happy and live a happy life with your new child.
You can go to court and you will get child support, so you don't have to stay with him just for the help. It may seem that your world is over because the man you love doesn't love you back, but there will be sunshine after this awful time.
2006-08-31 07:31:15 · answer #9 · answered by bridetobebrandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twenty seven years ago, I was in your shoes. I stayed with my husband and had four children all together. Now they are grown, except for one teen. I thought things might get better with time. They got worse. I raised my children practically as a single mother. I went to family outings alone, with my kids. He was always too busy, or just didn't care to go on vacations with us. I kept thinking that things would change, and rationalized that at least he was providing a good home for my children and for me.
We also separated about a year after we were married, but got back together. It was easier to be married than not be married.
Now, after 27 years, I'm leaving him. He has not hugged me or kissed me (nor will he let me hug or kiss him) in about 4 years. We have not had sex in 8 years (not my choice). Through the earlier years, I had to practically beg for his love, his touch. The only time I ever remember him telling me he loved me was when I told him if things didn't change, I was going to get a divorce. I wasn't strong enough at that point to leave.
I guess I felt like I could not really tell you what you should do. I could only share with you my experience that sounds so similar to yours. There are times that I wish I had left many years ago. However, sometimes things happen in life at just the right time. I'm ready now. Ready to face life on my own. I may get lonely, but at least when I am lonely, I will be alone. I won't be in a room with someone who I feel doesn't love. That right there is a big improvement.
Good luck to you - you will be in my thoughts.
2006-08-31 17:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advices are
1)please talk honestly between you and your husband what do you want from your husband and what you should do according to your husband
2)after this reconciliation you should consider can you receive your husband or not
3)if you can not receive your husband as he is and he would not change his bad attitude,you should invite your parents and your parents in laws sit together to discuss your issues deliberately and searching the best solution
4)if you are both still has not a best solution,you are better counseling to a marriage counsel ask for advices
5)if after that you are still feel that your husband has no material changes,so you must get divorce fromhim.It is no use to cintinue your marriage.
2006-09-06 21:39:21 · answer #11 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋