How can I not feel like a loser?

Question

My relationship went wrong and ended, I am traumatised by something er, traumatic, happening. I don't have a good job, I don't have any plans, I have people I meet but no regular close friends. That tramatic thing, when I told my formerly close friends about it they all criticised me and have said they respect me less, if at all. One of them is being really snooty and saying I need to "turn to Jesus". I have no problem with Jesus...however it's like I need to be patronised now?

What is a real friend and how can I ever believe in them again, given that my "friends", who I entirely expected to be supportive and compassionate to me, proved entirely self-righteousness, distant and judgemental instead? It is easy to say make new friends...but you have to do that by small talk and being superficial.

My only plan is to go on holiday by myself. Somewhere wild and remote and hope I meet people there like me. But that's a bit scary as I've never done that before. do I have the guts?

Answer 1

I can strongly relate to your question in that I have recently left a cult after being in it for 33 years and as you can imagine, the majority of my friends were those in the cult. I am shunned, ridiculed, maligned as "mentally ill", for leaving, judged of course as leaving the geographical location that I am supposed to be in, pitied for not staying in the race and on a higher plane as they are, and so on it goes.
I am slowly picking up the pieces and readjusting to life on the outside and making new friends, literally since I only have a few who left too! The "friends" that I had that are still in the cult turned out to have the same characteristics as your friends!

I think a real friend is someone who accepts you as you are, disagrees with you on points but it's always open for discussion, goes the extra mile with you , is supportive and compassionate, loving and caring, and they're there when you need them; this to me is a friend. Will you and I have friends like that? Hopefully. It is never an absolute, but I am sure that we will find some with at least some of those qualities as we go through life.

If you do go on a wild and crazy adventure I hope you have so much fun that it will help you forget the bad episodes that you had with people who were not there for you and that you do find some new friends in the process.

Answer 2

First of all your not a loser.You are someone who has not made good decision on life so this is what you could do. find a job you like or go to school. Do not worry about friends the will get you in trouble. You need this time to get to know yourself and you life together. As far a you relationship another would come it did not work because you are unhappy with your life so how are you going to make some one else happy. Think about it you will be alright A real friend is someone who is there and listen an will be there at 2 in the morning the should that you can lean on any time A friend it like a root to a tree there forever a weight that wont leave or move

Answer 3

What alot people call their friends are really just "aquaintences". Real friends are the ones that stand by you through thick and thin. They will help you out even when there is no gain in it for themselves. In my opinion no one has Alot of friends like this. Maybe one or two at most.

Anyway, as far as your other problems go,
If you don't have a good job, get one. This will not be easy. You should do something that interests you and makes you happy. The problem with that is that you don't really know whether you like something until you try it. Thats what makes it hard. Go to school for something that interests you. Don't have the money? Thats ok, financial aid will help you.

Don't have any plans? Make some. Make plans for yourself. Set
goals. Ask yourself what is most important to you. Ask yourself what you don't like about yourself, and what you can do to fix it.
Once you do this? You will have a million plans. Won't be able to solve all of them, but enough to get the ball rolling in your favor.

Don't have people to call close friends? You are your own best friend. There is no one in this world that you can rely on more than yourself. Take yourself more seriously, and other people will respect you for that at least.

Stay positive. No matter what

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that, you need to be more selective who you really consider friends. You may have many, many aquaintances to hang with, BUT friends must be counted with one hand. If you count them with two and run out of fingers, you need to re-assess your priorities.

Chuck this last deep hurt to experience, and learn from it. This will teach you how to be a better judge of character. Separate the shallows from the deeps.

Those who only are there for themselves and those who would be there for you and support you and, of course, vice versa.

Just because you don't have a job or plans doesn't make you any less than anyone else. You may be going through the re-assessing of your life. Now is when you need support not neisayers and negativism, as if they are flawless.

Sit down, write what you want, where you want to go and or acomplish, and write a plan how to get there. Friends will come, you'll meet people on your way. You'll keep some and discard some. Think about it as, you making the decision of discarding of unnecessary, unsupportive people, not even friends.

Good Luck, you'll land on your feet !!!

Answer 5

It sounds like you are at a real crossroads in your life. It seems as though what ever you decide to do at this point will most likely and hopefully direct you in a positive direction. If you want to make new friends get involved. Find some volunteer work that would interest you, or take some classes that you would find interesting. That's a great way to meet new people that would have common interests as you. I don't think going on holiday and running away from your problems is the answer. What you really need to do is stare them in the face and conquer your fears and other issues. Good Luck

Answer 6

Sure, take a vacation. Why not? If you want to, then do it.

Then, after you come back, you need to decide that you have to run your life.
Your life is running you, right now.
Find a way to turn your bad job into a good job, or go get a different job.
Find people you enjoy hanging out with who will not patronize you.
Most of all, you need to understand that you are the only person on the planet who is in charge of making you happy.
It is not anyone else's responsibility. Others may do things now and again that will cause you to be happy, but your hapiness is not their sole purpose in life. Go make yourself happy.
Whatever the traumatic thing was, you need to forgive yourself, and get on with your life. What's done is done. You can't push the rewind button, and make it like it didn't happen. No amount of guilt is going to fix it. Quit wasting your life on it. It's over.
Don't hang out with people who choose to make you feel bad.
What's wrong with small talk? Small talk is the springboard to big talk!
You'll be fine. Really. You just gotta pull yourself out of Negativity River, and find a nicer pool to swim in!

Answer 7

First you need to examine your self. And think about what it is you want God to do for you in your life. The job you have now, make the best of it now because it's a offering to God and it's just a season . Ask and you shall receive and by the desires of your heart,I'm sure you will get what you want far as your job and also your goals for your life. Also you must have confidence in your self in knowing that you can do anything though Chist Jesus. Also it's better for one to remain around positive and encouraging people. If those friends are exspecting you to fell and not supporting you then there not you friends at all! May God Bless you,

Answer 8

First thing, it is VERY hard to find and call a "true friend", they are no easy to find, alot will say, oh she's my best friend, but when it is all said & done, they usually betray you.
Suggestion: Dont have friends, have aquintances.
Live for yourself, not for others. I have a hard time turning to the lord sometimes, but just remember 1 thing, god brought you here and god can & will take you away. You may feel as though you have nothing to live for, but you do. I dont know how old you are, but no matter what age, if you really feel nothing or like a loser, you really should to talk to someone, maybe not god, or a friend. Maybe someone you are close to in your family or even a professional. Good luck and Always remember, you are someone special, maybe not in your friends eyes or your own, but someone out there loves you and looks up to you.

Answer 9

First, you need to stop putting yourself down and degrading yourself. Love who you are and everything about you. It really doesn't matter what other people think...especially if their opinion is negative. Those who are being judgemental toward you, aren't friends. Only God can judge you! You don't have to be superficial or anything else that you're not. If people don't accept you for who you are then, they don't deserve your friendship. If you want to go on vacation, fine, but if you're doing it to escape, DON'T! Face your fears and overcome them. Don't let these people beat you down. That's what they want. Beat the odds, surprise these folks who think less of you for whatever reason, and show them what kind of person you really are. DO NOT let them push you away though, then you're giving them the POWER. Just love you and everything about you, don't worry with what others' opinions are, cause that's all they are is OPINIONS. God bless and have a wonderful day!

Answer 10

Well, many times I feel the same way. I have discovered over time, people don't care as much as you think they do and good freinds are very hard to find. The freinds you have must be young and haven't experienced a lot life has to offer. I rather have no freinds, than bad freinds. Don't let other people take you down and make you feel worse. I know...that's easier said than done. Having God in your life is always good, but sometimes we need someone who can respond. Definitely pray and ask God to help you feel better about yourself. It's a diffucult issue when you feel like a loser because no one can change that but yourself. Many times I feel like a loser too and wonder why no one cares about me. It's sad, but after all these years, I still struggle with it. The bottom line is, you should try to be more confident in yourself, try to look at the good values you have. Also, try not to worry too much about what other people think! Who are they to judge? If they don't like you the way you are, then forget about them! It takes a special person to be a "freind" and you'll know when you find them.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to Alaska tomorrow...by myself! It is good to do things on your own, it helps make you stronger and feel better about yourself. Becareful though...in other countries, you just don't know...you can't trust people you don't know too much! I'm sorry you feel bad. I hope things change for you soon!