3 days ago my life ended when my IVF tes came back negative what should i do?

Question

we took a loan to for the treatment,it's not realy about the money i'ts the dream that i have,we had.I don't have a will to gone on with my life i failed the love of my life and i can't give him the only thing that i know he realy wants to have,adoption is not an option because you of money we can't afforf taking another loan will end up losing every thing we have.it's so bad i'm thinking maybe i should killed myself because if i do he will moved on with his life nad fine someone else that will make is dream come true

Answer 1

I know you are hurting right now, but killing yourself is not the answer. If you think your husband is sad about the IVF failing, imagine what it would do to him if you killed yourself. He needs you right now, and you need him, talk to him about how upset you are.

I don't know a whole lot about adoption, just what my sister has told me, they are trying to adopt, and she told me that she may have found a grant program for couples who need help with the money aspect of adoption. If you are interested in this information, e-mail me, I will contact her and see what I can find out for you.

Answer 2

Oh honey, don't kill yourself. If your husband loves you he'll understand that these things happen. IVF isn't a for sure thing, and there are people who have to go through it several times before becoming pregnant. Your doctor should have told you this from the get go. And you can afford to adopt. Yes it costs a lot of money to adopt babies, but you might look into being a foster parent, or adopting an older child, a toddler perhaps. Those don't cost nearly as much because the demand for older children is sadly nil.
I suggest you seek counseling right away because you are grieving terribly and need to talk to someone about it before you do something drastic. Your local ob/gyn should be able to give you the names of several counselors that deal with child loss, and infertility.
Good luck to you sweetie, and remember that no amount of guilt is worth taking your own life. Especially when you shouldn't be feeling guilt as it is.

Answer 3

you need to speak to a counselor. i would hope that you have already spoken to one before you tried the ivf. it is not a guarantee and i am sure you knew that before you tried it. the urge to procreate can be strong, but try not to let your desire to do so infect the rest of your life. you have not failed your mate - you are both in this together. it is too bad that the docs weren't able to help you, but you might consider trying again. and why isn't adoption an option? sure it's expensive, but there are many children in the world that need homes and if you adopt from overseas, it might be cheaper. see if you can get a church or company to help sponser you? organize a 5k run where people volunteer and are sponsered to help you raise money toward either another ivf treatment or an adoption fee. there have to be solutions for this.

unfortunately, if your husband leaves you bc you can't give him children, then he probably would have found another reason to do so at some other point anyway. remember those vows you took - in sickness and health, through good times and bad??? what is this if it is not a perfect example of such times? more than likely, he is worried about you and is not thinking of leaving you like you are afraid. you two have to be a team in this - you can't go it alone. that is why you got married - so you wouldn't have to!

speak to a counselor about the feelings you are having immediately. maybe they can give you some different perspectives to think about with regard to what you are going through. your life is not over. don't give up.

Answer 4

Ok... Take a deep breath and count to ten.

First, let's look at the situation with your husband. You said yourself that he is the love of your life and I will assume that since he wants to have a child with you that you are the love of his life as well which means that even though he really wants to have a baby with you, you are still the love of his life and will continue to be. He loves you and you aren't going to lose him over this and you haven't failed him. It's not your fault.

I don't know how old you are but what you should do is just keep trying naturally as you pay off this loan. I know it's hard but really try not to focus on baby when you're making love. Focus on each other and how much you really love each other. Enjoy yourselves and the intimacy you can share together - that kind of love is really rare and creates some of the most beautiful, gratifying sex there is.

Again, I don't know much about your situation (how old you are, why you're trying IVF, or how long it will take you to pay off the loan) but if, over time, you're still not able to conceive, I would still consider the adoption route. In addition to being able to raise a child together, there are tax benefits to adopting that may help you with any expenses you incur in the adoption process.

Hang in there.

Answer 5

whoa! stop right there- do not even say a thing like that about taking your life...if you really are having those kinds of feeling

***TALK TO YOUR HUBBY OR DR RIGHT NOW!!!****

next I want to say "I am soooo sorry that the test came back negative, that is such a hard thing to accept."

Your hubby loves you for you! You not being able to get pregnant should not cause him to stop loving you! Have you though about having someone be a surrogate for you? You can use your egg and hubby's sperm- so it's your baby, only someone else goes throught the 40 weeks and delivery. Sometimes a sister or sister-in-law is willing to help out since they know how bad you want to have a child of your own...what about being a foster parent and possibly adopting one of those kids? stay strong and keep a positive outlook on life- explore some other options for children but *most importantly* keep the lines of communication open with your hubby and your family/support system! they are there for you no matter what and will love you no matter what...if you ever need someone to talk to email me!!! I'm very serious!!! this is no reason to even think about ending your life!!! take care!!!

Answer 6

i'm assuming you mean introvetro fertilization. And i know it's expensive, but most couples that go that route have to do it a couple if times. Most of the time it doesn't on the first try. And they should have told you that.

I would work on paying off your first loan, then try adopting. There's more to life then being a mommy. Don't give up. And if your husband really loves with you he will stay with you no matter what. your not a baby factory, thats not what you were intended for, and if that's how he see you then you need to leave him and by leave i mead divorce, not killing yourself.

look at other options... become foster parents. There are tons of kids out there that need parents NOW. And they get looked over becuase they aren't a babies any more.

Answer 7

No being able to concieve is no reason to kill yourself. Suicide is a very selfish thing to do. Think of how your family would feel if you did that. I can't imagine knowing that my child committed suicide, or my husband. If I found that my husband killed himself, I could never live with myself. I would feel guilt for the rest of my life. There is plenty of time to adopt. It doesn't have to be done today. Pay off your loan, and then start putting back money. Then, in a few years, get another loan and adopt. There is life after this. Don't leave your husband and family behind to have the burden of a horrible guilt that eats at them every day. Be a woman and go on. That's what women do.

Answer 8

Does the phrase "for better or for worse" mean nothing to anyone anymore???
Your husband married you (presumably) before you knew you had fertility problems. He should be willing to stick by your side regardless of whether you can produce offspring! Believe me, you are NOT the only couple going through this.

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking about suicide. What the hell do you think THAT would do to your husband? The guilt would eat him ALIVE!
Next, you need to get a referral from your infertility specialist or your family GP to a grief counselor - because that is EXACTLY what you're experiencing - GRIEF. Your husband needs to go along too.

You did NOT fail your husband - you are physically incapable of carrying a baby - it was not something you CHOSE to do...it was biology, or the will of a higher power or however you want to look at it.

Finally, you need to understand that adoption IS an option. Its not for everyone, but for folks who REALLY want a child, there are PLENTY of them out there that desperately need a home. Think on it.

BTW, IVF is only successful LESS THAN 40% of the time - AT BEST. Its a hard thing to deal with, and don't think I'm a heartless ***** because of my abrupt statements - I stood by my sister while she went through SEVEN years of infertility treatment. I know the heartbreak that goes along with all of this. And I do know that there's hope when you learn to look at things from a less fatalistic viewpoint.

Answer 9

Wow this is harsh. If the love of your life loves you as much as you love him (which is apparent) he should accept that you can't give him offspring. Give yourself some time, perhaps it is just not in God's plan for you to have children. Perhaps if you wait you can adopt later. Life is precious, you and your husband are trying to create it so why would you take your own? Although it may be hard to concentrate on other things you and your husband should focus on nurturing each other through this trying time. Both of you should be glad to have each other and to be so happy to have found love. Family can be anything. There doesn't have to be a mother, father and children. Perhaps consider getting a pet that requires your love and attention to take the focus off of IVF. I know several couples who don't have children but have pets and that is their family. Whatever decision you make, know that nothing is worth taking your own life over. Keep your faith (in whatever that may be to whomever that may be) and focus on your life with your husband. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 10

Maybe you should be seeking treatment for depression.
First suicide is a permanent solutions to a temporary problem.
And let me just say, I know how you feel. I dealt with infertility for 14 years. My marriage ended for many reasons but one of them was because he didn't want to adopt, he wanted children of his own and that was something I could never give him. So I let him go to seek his dreams.
Infertility will have a profound affect on your life there is no doubt about that...but never give up hope that there is a solution for your problems besides suicide. No matter how much you are hurting and how guilty you feel for not being able to conceive; you would be doing more damage to your loved ones by ending your life. Which by the way is a very very selfish act in itself. I used to equalize that feeling by realizing that taking my own life mean't that I was too selfish to raise a child in the first place.
I don't know your reasons for infertility, therefore I won't spew any possible false hope that you may conceive. You know those things people say, meaning well, but are just the most inconsiderate things you could say to a person suffering infertility. (Like, just relax, or when its meant to be it will be, blah, blah, blah whatever people).
But I will tell you that there are plenty of children who need loving families. Set your goals to adopt and love one of them and it will become a reality. Adoption is NOT a reality that is too far fetched to acheive. Maybe for now you could look into fostering children or something of that nature.
There is hope and hope is all that we have to get us through the rough patches in life.