Why am I so incredibly shy!? How do I get out of my 'shell'?

Answer 1

I used to be in the same situation, but in my case, it was more complicated and it was due to some experiences in my past.


" How do I get out of my 'shell'?"

Well, every case is unique, people are individual beings, so there is no DEFINITE answer to that question because there is no standard method/procedure. What works in someone's case can be a failure if it is applied to someone else.

So I'd say that in order to cure your 'disease', you have to look for its source, its origin. After you find the reason you are in this state, it will be easier and it will offer some inidication concerning the method that you should adopt.

However, I know a lot of shy people (close friends) and I've found that they are usually divided into two main categories:

1. The ones with low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

2. The proud ones, with a superiority complex.

I used to be both. I had no confidence in myself and I really had 0% self-esteem and this very lack of confidence was bothering me greatly because somewhere in the back of my mind, I was considering myself superior and I was thinking that I deserved to have confidence and attention/power. So at the same time I was proud, but I was also unsure and insecure - these are really contradictory feelings and states, but the fact is that they are related.

If you analyze these categories closely ( the ones with low self-esteem and lack of confidence vs. the proud ones, with a superiority complex) you will notice that they cause each other.

Another theory is that under every shy person, there is pride. Lots of psychologists support the theory that shy people do not open themselves to the world because they are proud and selfish, they do not want to offer themselves easily to people and they expect people to come to them and try to discover them. I don't know how accurate this theory is according to the general standards, but the thing is that it was correct in my case. I was expecting everyone to come to me and I didn't want to open myself to others, therefore I was hiding under the concept that I 'couldn't' open myself.

Just think about shyness in this way: even though it may be caused by outer factors in your life and it may not be your fault, do NOT forget that you can control yourself. Shyness is not a choice, but you can control it because you have control over yourself.

Seeing as shy people usually have low self-esteem and do not put too much value on themselves, I think in order to get yourself out of your shell, you have to have this thought constantly in your mind: 'I am not different'. Just think about it: why WOULD you be different from everyone else? There is no reason.

All these being said, I advise you to find the source/cause/origin of your shyness. Once you find the source, it is a lot easier to determine the nature of the 'disease' and find the cure.

Answer 2

You were born shy. My older daughter and I are both very shy. Here's what we've done.

Practice rote responses at home in front of your mirror. Seriously. Practice saying common things like "How are you? How was your day?" with a lovely smile. If you have it memorized, it won't feel so awkward when you actually do it.
Set small step goals for yourself. If you eat lunch with the same group, challenge yourself to say one thing you read in the newspaper. Once you've said it, you can relax for that day. You'll get more comfortable adding to conversations.

Mentally rehearse things as much as possible.

Fake some things. Observe that touching someone on the way while speaking to them sends a message that you care. So observe similar things and use them.

Watch your friends to see how they enter the conversation and continue it. Do the same thing.

Join an organization where you're more valued for what you do than what you say (such as a Soup Kitchen).

Join Mensa if you qualify. It's filled with incredibly shy people who are also smart. You'll fit in socially.

Answer 3

it may simply be your personal nature or perhaps the way you were treated as a child. are you self conscious about something?
perhaps your teeth or nose, anything like that? those things can be worked on and made better if they are really bad. if it's nothing like that then you should be able to crawl out a little bet, even if it takes a while you can impore your social abilities.
i was an only child and thought i was terribly shy, now I'm not shy at all and am almost too friendly, but it came with maturity and confidence. do know that it naturally gets better as you get older and have more life experience. but the first place to start is with a smile. if you are smiling people will be more pleasent when they see you and that will give you more confidence subconsciously.
once you do it for a while it will be automatic.
also you should keep up with current events and health matters.
it's always nice to talk to someone who has something intelligent to say or at least knows what's going on in the world. people always talk about there medical problems or health so if you know something about those sorts of things it will go a long way towards making you someone who people will enjoy talking to.
and be a good listener, ask questions. a shy person could be a very good friend to someone who is extroverted, they would balance each other out and would benifit one another. try to hang out with someone who is more outgoing than yourself but not too far beyond your comfort zone.
you're going to be fine, just keep on smiling and be helpful, people will like you and that will bring you right out of your shell:)
(but do be careful who you trust, you don't want to damage your confidence before you break out....just take your time and use your head, you will do just fine:)))

Answer 4

I was soooo incredibly shy for the longest time...and then one day I just quit being shy. It actually happened really fast too! I don't know what I did, I discovered music and how happy you will be if you talk to random people and make yourself and others smile. Why are you so shy? Think of this:

if you embarrass yourself what's the worst that could happen?! No body's going to shove you in a closet for the rest of your life, in fact they will probably forget all about it within minutes...especially if you don't know them!

Good luck!
And God bless ya'!

Answer 5

OK, here's what works 110% of the time. I'm an expert in this field:

Look in the mirror, and say "I'd f*** me. I'd f*** me hard.". And mean it. Say it to yourself all day in your mind, and under your breathe inbetween sentences.

I do this all the time, and my "I'd f*** me" attitude has gotten me further than you'll ever know in every aspect of my life. Self confidence is what it's all about.

And get a bit of a devilish sneer, and a light devious smile. Scan the area with squinted eyes casually as you talk. My girlfriend thinks it's SO cool, she's started doing it now all the time, too.

I'd write more, but I gotta run!

Answer 6

do you have an outgoing friend to help you out? I had a shy friend when I was younger. She let me run the relationship but she started thinking I couldnt have other friends and she got jealous and we grew apart. So respect her and understand there will be other friends. I had a whole group of friends and it was fun.

Answer 7

Being shy is just your personality and isn't necessarily a bad thing.

that being said you should try to meet new people with the understanding that it will be hard. Try to force yourself into social settings and eventually it will get easier.

If you want you can start by talking with me
[e-mail]

Answer 8

Sourround yourself with more life experiences, school, college, jobs, get out more, socialize. Figure out how to meet one new person a day and start the connversation..after awhile it won't seem like such a task and you will relax.

Answer 9

i empathize with your situation... i deal with my shyness by drinking with my buddies... just be carefull not to drink to much... it's easy to do things you regret... but alcohol is a great way to loosen you up enough to get to know people.

otherwise i'd recommend seeing a doctor and talking about medications. just stay away from drugs like xanax and valium... they loosen you up but have many more pitfalls than moderate drinking.

Answer 10

Come see me. I'll help. :) :)

Just kidding, but seriously...take some risks, and be willing to enjoy the "no"s as much as the "yes"s.

Repeat after me 10,000 times:

"It's okay to strike out, just play again."

:)

:)

Good luck.