and what can you do if you marry someone who later loses interest in sex. I'm looking for ways to escape from feeling like I'm just unattractive and unloved. I know that some people might recommend that I meet my wife at the front door wearing something sexy, but I really doubt that I could make that work since I'm a nearly 50 year old man.
I'm making it into a joke so I won't cry, but I really am in need of help.
2006-08-31 06:17:25 · 35 answers · asked by anyone 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've all been very helpful to me, even the guy who tells me not to moralize, even the woman who called me a typical man and suggests that I go for it. Those are helpful bits of negative advice. I'm going to go ahead and pick a best answer, but not before I thank all of you.
2006-08-31 07:16:38 · update #1
I'm trying not to cry as I write this.
No, I would not suggest cheating on your spouse. If the word cheating is entering your vocabulary, it is not something you want to do. Try harder to make things work at home.
My guess is that even though you are a nearly 50 year old man, you have many qualities that your wife loves you for. If she had an interest in making love to you at one point in time, and found you attractive, she probably still does.
Just tell her how much you love her. Write to her if you cannot tell her in person. Be honest with her. Tell her that you need more from her than she is giving and that giving to her - sharing your thoughts, dreams, fears, emotions, and bodies is something that you need to do in order to be happy.
If she truly loves you, she will understand, and will try to work toward having more intimacy in your lives. If she is not willing to work on becoming closer and won't consider your feelings, then you have some thinking to do.
Unless you try to make things better, you will never know if they can get better.
Good luck to you in all you do, and I wish you all the love that you so deserve.
N
2006-08-31 06:56:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is NEVER OK TO CHEAT - would you like it if you found out your wife was cheating on you, because (let's say) you suck in bed?
Always put yourself in the other person's shoes when you are considering doing something you aren't sure about.
TALK TO YOUR WIFE about your concerns and how the situation and her lack of interest make you feel. Ask her to suggest some solutions, but make it clear that not having sex with her can't be one of them.
If you can't come up with something together, tell her what you are considering and ask her to suggest an alternative. Either she'll come up with one, she'll change her mind and start participating, she'll say it's OK to go outside the marriage, or she'll say "Let's just throw in the towel".
Remember that a marriage involves two people so any decision you make that threatens your marriage must be made by TWO PEOPLE.
2006-08-31 07:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you have exhausted all options to resolve the situation. Perhaps your wife is pre-menopausal. Has she seen a doctor to find out what can be done to restore her sex drive? Is she also feeling unattractive and unloved? You're both in this together, and you need to work together to find a solution.
If this is a make or break issue, you need to decide whether you want to divorce her and find someone else, or whether your wife would be comfortable with you "dating" others. Cheating means you are doing something behind the other person's back; if you love her you won't do that.
2006-08-31 06:24:23 · answer #3 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not.
Work it out with your wife. Perhaps a marriage counselor.
And what's wrong with trying to spice things up? You're never too old for that! Give it a try!! You might be pleasantly surprised!
If you can't work things out and you cannot live with the situation, then divorce her. Just because she's lost interest in sex doesn't mean she doesn't love you...don't treat her with that kind of disrespect. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be treated that way were the shoe on the other foot.
2006-08-31 06:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by Raven 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never OK to cheat. You might get a temporary thrill from cheating but then what after that? You are still with the same person that you are feeling miserable with. Have you made sure that your wife is being pleased? That is the only reason a women will lose interest in sex is because she is not being pleased. Talk to her about how you feel.
2006-08-31 06:41:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife how you feel. Sit both of you down and tell her how you feel calmly! Hopefully she will understand and you guys can fix your problem. Talk about some solution to the problem like maybe she needs help in that area by getting medication or maybe you guys need to spice things up a bit. Talk about ways that would fix the problem. Even though your 50 she should still see you as sexy as she did when you were younger. Romance is good. Women love it. Good luck!
2006-08-31 06:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if you have to cheat, divorce. For what ever reason you and your wife are not sexually any longer you need to sit down and talk to her. Ok so you are nearly 50, your point? Age is nothing but a number. If you give up on life , it gives up on you ...simple. are you romantic? Do you do some fore play( lots of woman like that). You go out and buy her something slick to wear. Ask her what can you do. Maybe its not you its her. Going out to have some pleasure for a few moments is selfish, it doesnot answer aything.
2006-08-31 06:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by Robyn D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not o.k to cheat. Why don't you try something different like meeting her a restauant and picking her up by buying herr a drink. A little role play can help pretend your meeting her for the first time and be spontaneous. Routine gets old. Call her and say something different to her and try hard. If you work on it it could work.
2006-08-31 06:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by 2strongfor2long 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, it is not ok to cheat, the question is...WHY did she lose interest in sex?? Is it hormonal, emotional or what. Is she interested in fixing the problem?? Address her problem and go from there. If she just does not like sex then she needs to allow you an alternative, it is her wifely duty to see to it that your are satisfied sexually. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you both.
2006-08-31 06:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by perplexed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is never OK unless your spouse knows about it before hand and approves. If she isn't showing you any attention maybe you should tell her that you feel like you have to go to a hooker or whomever for sex. Maybe she doesn't realize that you are hurting this bad. If not you might want to think about a separation or divorce.
2006-08-31 06:21:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋