In a bind..need to bounce this off of you guys?

Question

I happen to believe in past lives. I have been married for 10 years.
In March, I met a man from out of state through my husband.

The 3 of us hit it off famously. I really felt a connection to him, as if I had known him before. He got into my head, and I couldn't let it go.
I found him on the internet, and wrote him to tell him how I felt.
Of course, if he lived in the same state , I would not have.
It is not sexual, but profound none the less. He said he felt a connection to us as well. Meeting him woke something up inside of me. The question is, he is going through his own emotional turmoil. I feel like I know him as if we have known each other for years, and there are things i want to tell him that I think he will benefit from. Should I? Or just leave it alone.

you guys are right.
i dont have kids, and certainly have no plans on leaving my husband.

by the way, thanks for the sincere answers.
I appreciate it!

Answer 1

The group consensus seems to be "Don't go there."

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Sometimes we meet people who we click with immediately. It happens, no matter the gender, no matter the age.

While I think those friendships are blessings, I don't think they are indicative of what commitments we should be making or breaking.

You should review the things you want to tell him -- you say they are to benefit him, but the rest of your post makes it sound like they are more meant to benefit you (by somehow strengthening your connection).

Here's another way to look at "past lives" -- if reincarnation exists, then why do you need to drop your current husband to chase after this guy? Isn't this an opportunity to learn what you can from your current marriage? In your philosophy, won't this guy come around again?

While I know you feel this relationship is special, it's exactly the same pattern that I have seen repeated time and again that results in shattered marriage relationships.

Often the feelings diminish, or the new relationship isn't as special as you had thought, once you spend all your time together; and so then you start looking for the next mystical connection you could make with someone, hopping from person to person.

What's the effect of this possible decision on your husband and other family? What's the effect on this new man -- is it best to interact with him like this when he's currently dealing with hard stuff?

It's your decision to make.

But I would leave it alone, accept it for the wonderful connection it was, and work on bonding more closely with your husband.

Answer 2

Leave it alone. What you are feeling is not a link to the past, but instead is a your brain producing a dopamine type substance in reaction to meeting this person. Remember the giddy feeling you had when you first met your husband? Same thing. You feel a strong connection. The effect wears off after you have gotten to know someone for six months to a year, thus why your feelings have changed over the years to an attachment based on familiarity and intimate knowledge with your husband. You still love him because of the comfort level you have reached with him. Don't take a chance on spoiling what you have for a dream that isn't real.

Answer 3

You asked a question, this is my answer. I would leave well alone and find out why you like this person. I f you have problems in your marriage get them sorted, and give that a go. Why risk 10 years of marriage to a person you met on the internet. You are old enough to realise that you are heading into dangerous territory, listen to what he has to say and give him support where it is needed, just like you would if it was a freind, but try not to get to involved. Try talking to your husband and see what ideas he comes up with, as the saying goes 2 heads are better than 1.

Good luck.

Answer 4

BE VERY CAREFUL with this. I'm assuming you're still married, so getting too close to this third party could easily jeopardize your marriage. Is it worth throwing away the last ten years of your life for someone with whom you feel connected, though you can't really say why? There is a huge laundry list of men who left their wives because they met another woman (usually a much younger woman) that "woke something up" inside them, and their lives ended up in disaster -- divorce, marrying the new woman, divorcing the new woman, then realizing how good he had it with his first wife, only to find out his first wife and children now despise him. Reverse the genders and that could be you a couple of years from now. Do yourself and your marriage a favor -- leave it alone.

Answer 5

That's a bad idea. Even doing what you're doing could be considered cheating. I know I would be devastated if my wife were sharing deeply emotional feelings with another man, even if they were in another state.

I think you're fooling yourself if you think this isn't going to get sexual at some point, If I were you I would be more concerned with examining the strength of your marriage. Awakenings aren't necessarily a bad thing, but when its prompted by another man, that's a warning sign of some issues that exist in your marriage.

Good luck, I hope you make the right choice.

Answer 6

I think your treading on dangerous grounds.
Slow down a bit and gather your thoughts.
Wait a couple of weeks & see if your connection feels as strong as it does now. If it doesn't feel as strong than it never was. If it does than even distance couldn't break the tie that binds you.
Sift through and determine what's real and what's fond illusion.
Good Luck!!
Anything positive should only strengthen what you already have in your life,.... it should not change anything.

Answer 7

Well bring your husband up to date on what you are doing and why. If he has no problem with you having a platonic(it is going to be platonic right?) relationship with the guy then tell him what you think and or know. If you are thinking of starting a romantic encounter you need to rethink your motives and think of who is going to get hurt here and why?? And is this really what you want to do?You could really hurt the 10 year marriage and all you have together.think before you leap so to speak..the hurt runs deep and sometimes forever!

Answer 8

Just because you hit it off with someone once does not make him / her your ultimate friend and as a married woman you should not have gone looking on the internet for him (emotional cheating in a way). If you want someone to talk to, talk to your hubby, that's what he is there for so therefore, to answer your question, leave it alone.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you may be bored with your marriage. Are you and your husband having problems? I think you may find your answer nearer to home than with some stranger from out of state. You don't say if you have children. If you do, how do you think this may affect them? Perhaps you may need some professional advice. Take care and good luck.

Answer 10

sometimes we do for some reason feel connected to someone other than our spouse.My man& I met 15 years ago & now people tell us we must be soul mates or something cause we are so close.We feel that way too.If you're unsure of your marriage let it go,but really sit back & think it through before you do anything you might make his life even more troublesome than it is already.God Bless.