question .. answer please!?

Question

we'll im 14 & pregnant... and when i told my boyfriend who is 16, he was saying oh we'll if you are i'm happy, and then when i told him i was, he freaked out and said abortion.. and he was saying how his father was going to kill him.. and then give or take and hour later.. he calmed down and we talked about it a little bit more.. then a day later i went to his house, and he asked me if we could go tell his dad.. and i didn't feel right.. because i dont want to tell my parents yet, and i know i should. But my mother said if i ever get preg. i would have to get an abortion, and I dont want that bc i don't believe in abortions.. and my mother thought i was on birthcontrol.. but i got preg on it, and so i stopped taking it.. and then my mom asked me about my birth control and i told her i stopped taking it and im not having sex.. but i lied.. and actually my boyfriend doesnt want a kid right now and i don't want him to leave me.. and don't know what to doo..

Answer 1

I was pregnant at 14. I miscarried before my parents found out, but you should still be honest. If your bf really cares about you he won't care and he will be responsible. If that takes place and he stands to be a true man, telling your parents with him by your side will show them some kind of responsibility. They may be mad; and his parents more than yours; but your mother in the long run will give you her support. She is your mother. I wouldn't say that the two of you should get married just because you're pregnant, but you need to start thinking about what is best for your child. Can you support a baby- either of you? Is he really going to own up and be a responsible father? Him trying to get the two of you to tell his parents shows that he is trying and may be willing to do the right thing by that child. But you two need to get together and make a decision as far as that baby is concerned and do the respopnsible thing. Make no mistake about it- it is your body and nobody can make you do anything. And yes having a baby does change everything as far as your life and the father's life is concerned. School will be nearly impossible, but not a loss. Even if you decide aginst abortion, but feel that you can't keep the baby, there is always adoption and yuo don't have to sign away all of your rights as the baby's biological mother. So weigh your options and help your parents come to terms with what is happening in your life. You do need their support too. No matter what, they will always love you.

Answer 2

Don't listen to all the jerks telling you that you messed up your life. EVERYONE including all of those people have made mistakes in their life time. Not saying that the baby is a mistake just the sex with no protection. God gave you this baby for a reason weather or not it was meant for you to keep or for the adoptive parents. Whatever you choose but make sure that you tell everyone that you should and after all of the anger dies down tell your mom how you feel she can't force you to have an abortion. And dont worry about the father if he leaves you or not. Don't you love your baby already? I know the second I knew I was pregnant I was in love with my little baby. But no one can force you into anything. You make your own decisions on what you think is best for your little one. Being 14 I think that you are very young. But its not unheard of that a young mom like yourself can take care of a baby. With or Without the father. But whatever you do don't get an abortion you will regret it your whole life that is a live person inside of you. If you don't want the baby give it to someone who does. Don't kill it.

Answer 3

Please don't think that I'm trying to be hurtful or mean in any part of this message. I have three kids myself and know the realities of having a baby young. If you aren't comfortable having an abortion, then you should consider adoption. As hard as it is to face, you and your boyfriend are too young to raise a baby properly. You may be able to provide love, but what kind of income and health insurance and home can you provide for a baby? There are so many people out there who are old enough and stable enough to raise a baby. There are open adoptions where you could still see pictures of the baby. You could choose the parents who will raise your baby. Just imagine, if you keep this baby, how are you even going to drive it to doctor appointments? You aren't old enough to drive. Your boyfriend will probably leave you because, for a sixteen year old boy, that's too much pressure and responsibility. He will probably go off and do whatever he wants to do, and you'll be stuck alone raising a baby.

The main thing that you need to think about is what's best for that baby. If you think that it's best for a child (which you still are) to be raising a baby, then keep it. But if you do, you should take all of the prenatal and parenting classes that you can because you'll need all the support that you can get.

Also, quit lying right now! The more you lie, the harder it is to tell the truth. I don't know what your home life is like, but if you need some more support, I'm more than willing to help you find some. Just contact me, if you would like.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but if you knew what you were doing when the both of you did it, you are right, its wrong to kill the baby. A baby can not be blamed for the sins of the mother. You are so very young and nothing is going to be easy after this. There are so many risks at having a baby at a young age, not just in the outdoor world, but to your body, to your mind. At 16, sweety you can not rely on your bf. He is just as young as you are and just as dumb.
You could consider adoption, but the most responsible thing to do is to learn how to care for a baby and do it yourself. You are going to need so much help if you do that. So you really need to talk to your mother. If you don't want to have an abortion then you need to make that clear to your mother. Set up for a doctors apointment right away, because you are going to need a lot of support and help, and the doctor will be the one to make sure everything is ok with the baby. You need to confirm that you are pregnant, but don't wait because you are scared. Get things out of the way quickly. You might find some help in your boyfriends dad as well, but be aware that you are going to get a lot of negative reaction from people. You need to do what you feel is the right thing to do without letting other people decide for you.
All the best to you and yours!

Answer 5

You should have known what you're getting into before you got pregnant! There is no easy way out of here. Tell your parents. They will scold you and you should not even try to defend yourself. Admit that you've done wrong. If you want to keep you baby, tell them that you want to keep the baby. Having a baby while still going to school is going to be hard on you, but I agree with you that you should keep the baby. When you decide to keep the baby, you are responsible in taking care of it, not your parents so you should grow up. If you need to have a job after giving birth, go find a job. Your parents will be happy if they see how responsible you are in taking care of the baby. You should be scarce from your friends from now on. No more parties.

Keeping the baby is serious stuff. Make sure you have health care. If you don't then it is going to be very expensive on you. While pregnant, you will need to consult your Obstetrician every now and then and you will be required to take tests. The triple screening and the sonograms are the expensive lab works. All lab works are expensive if you do not have health care. Even consulting a doctor would be expensive. Even if you do not have health care, you need to regularly visit your obstetrician. There are also public programs to for expectant mothers who do not have health care (see links below). These two are California programs, but your state might have equivalent programs.

I should warn you that since you got pregnant this early, the free and glamorous single life that you will be leaving abruptly will tease you along the way. You will look for that life again, but it will be too late for regrets. You are taking a different path, but you should stay in school until you get a real job. Your job will help you secure your child's future.

Good luck to you!

PS: Buying baby stuff could be expensive. Ask your friends to hold a baby shower for you. The stuff you get there would help you in getting your stuff. Open up a baby registry on either Babies R Us or Walmart or Target and put the important ones there first: crib + mattress, stroller, batch tub, feeding bottles, linens, high chair, clothes, grooming kit, car seat, carrier. You could also get more stuff on baptism.

Answer 6

Kelli, I think 14 years old is not the ripe age for getting pregnant. You have written such a long question seeking somebody (whose face even you don't know)'s advice on your problem. Had you been cautious just for a minute, you would not have landed in this problem at all. Now, your problem seems to be one sided. That's your boyfriend. He is such a coward guy, afraid of his father's gun but not afraid to pregnate a girl of 14. Well, when everything is beyond control, he doesn't want to disclose it to his dad. Further, it seems he is a wavering minded person. First he agreed for the baby based on your happiness, next minute he declares abortion. When your baby's status itself is like this, what is the surety tomorrow he will not disown you. And in my opinion you are a fool to believe such an unstable guy. My best advice to you is just get the pregnancy aborted and leave your boyfriend immediately so that you can get a good solace with some other guy more understanding and supporting you.

Answer 7

You need to stop worrying about what everybody else wants and would think. What do you want? Do you believe that keeping this baby is the right decision for you? What are your dreams? Your plans for future?

If you decide to keep this child, then you need to tell your mother. Telling her now or later, she will still have the same reaction. If your boyfriend leaves you because of this, then it's because he is scared, maybe even more then you are. Men will look at this deifferently then women. If he does leave you, remember, you will be on your own. How about your mother? Is she willing to support you while you are pregnant and afterwards? You will need to get a job, forget about any type of education for a while.

What if she doesn't want to support you? Have you thought about what you are going to do? Before you make your decision, these are all things that you will have to decide.

Do not allow for anybody to make a decision for you. Their intentions are probably good, but you are the one who will have to live with it. You will feel pressure fro others, but if you are old enough to have sex, you should take responsibility for it and this is a very adult decision to make. I hope that you will be at peace with whatever decision you do take. Just remember, if you decide to keep the baby, DO NOT blame it 10 years from now for ruining your life.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

Answer 8

It sounds like your best option is adoption. Obviously relying on your parents or his parents for help isn't going to happen. Also it sounds like marrying your boyfriend and keeping the baby isn't an option either. No one should pressure you into abortion, it shouldn't even be a choice. And I don't think you'll be able to do this on your own. You need to go talk to an adoption service, look it up in the yellow pages then go and talk to them. They can provide you with all the support you are going to need. They will help you with guidance and support, they will help you tell your parents, they will help you get the medical attention you will need, they can help you find a couple to give your baby to, and they can even give you a different place to live while you are pregnant if you need it. Going to an adoption service will help you to figure everything out that you are questioning and struggling with, so go there first! Everything will turn out okay in the end, although it will be hard. Good luck!

Answer 9

Ok. First of all, your mother has no right to force you to have an abortion. In fact, for this very reason, you can become emancipated from your parents should you become pregnant while a minor.

That said, you have a very, very rough road ahead of you. I hate to be so blunt, but it is unrealistic to think your boyfriend will stick by you through this. My suggestion regarding him is keep him in the loop, but don't expect anything from him. That way, any support he does provide will just be a pleasant surprise.

You need to quickly make a decision about what to do with this baby. This is a decision only you can make. I also do not believe in abortion in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, but I am also not 14 and pregnant.

I would strongly suggest you consider adoption. There are so many couples out there struggling to conceive who would provide a wonderful home for your baby. If you raise this baby, you'll likely be doing so near-poverty, with a GED education for yourself at best, your baby in the hands of state-subsidized daycare during the day while you work at a low-end job. You won't have any extra money for family trips, toys at Christmas, etc.

If your child is adopted, think of how many more opportunities he/she will have in life...a warm, spacious home, a college education, stable home life...these are things you simply cannot provide at your young age. I had a friend who got pregnant at 14...her parents sent her out of state to stay with a relative after she started to show, she had the baby there, the baby was adopted into a wonderful home, and my friend was able to return to her teenage life, her friends, etc. The only repercussions were some rumors flying around the school and some make-up time in school...things you would be dealing with threefold if you keep the baby.

Try speaking to someone other than your mother. If you visit an OB/GYN or the ER, privacy regulations will prevent them from telling your parents. If you don't believe in abortion, don't bother with Planned Parenthood, because they will try to steer you that way.

If you truly want to have this baby (and I sincerely hope you consider adoption) you'll need to be very strong to stand up to your mother. You can do this. Hang in there.

Answer 10

dont get an abortion. Even if your mom says you have to, she cant force the doctor on you! Dont worry about your man leaving you. He is attatched to you for life now, no matter what. Im sure his family will want to be a part of the babys life even if the father doesnt (even if they are all really mad at first.) Just tell his parents and let them know that your family will want an abortion. Let them know that you are not comfortable with that and you are asking for their support in your decision. Maybe they can help you talk to your own family. Good luck