The thing is, I haven't got the nerve to tell him the truth. I'm afraid he might get mad at me and leave me. But its really bothering me, I know I should have been honest with him in the first place. I know that for relationships to flourish there shouldn't be any secrets between partners. I don't know how he'd react if he finds out. Do you think 4 years is too much? And does age really matter? I really love this guy and we've been talking about getting married in the future. Will the truth affect the relationship and our plans? In our society, is it acceptable nowadays for the girl to be older? Please help!
2006-08-31 05:37:59 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks to all who gave their thoughts. by the way, im 27.
2006-08-31 05:49:05 · update #1
It would really help to know how old you are. Unless your teenagers, it really shouldn't matter. I mean if you're 18 and he's 14, ya problem but if you're both over 18 who cares? If he loves you it won't matter.
2006-08-31 05:38:41 · answer #1 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already know that you should've been honest with him in the first place, why weren't you?? If you already know that there shouldn't be secrets in a relationship, why are you keeping one?? If he leaves you, would you blame him. I mean, come on!!! It would be wise to tell him the truth now before ya'll do decide to get married. In the long run if you keep this lie up it will hurt both of you, because he won't trust you and you will be stressed and depressed thinking about the "what if"s. So just talk to him and tell him the truth. If he really loves you he will forgive you. If he forgives you, you have to earn his trust back.
Being 4 years older than him doesn't matter. Age is just a number (in this case). Instead of worrying about how old he is, you need to be trying to figure out how to tell him you've been lying to him. That's the real issue.
God Bless
2006-08-31 07:54:30 · answer #2 · answered by jcdunbar0312 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter how the society feels about it, it matters how you and him feel about it. In and of itself, 4 years is not that big of an age difference. There might be some practical implications in the future - often women don't age as well as men do, and you might find yourself looking progressively older than your husband. Also, women have a shorter reproductive span. If these are not turn-offs for you, the only issue is how your b/f would feel about the fact that you deceived him about your age. I would tell him the truth a.s.a.p Explain it the best you can - but tell him. You can't build a serious relationship with a lie, however innocent, between you.
2006-08-31 06:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It ain't never the years, honey, it's the mileage. Assuming you are both over 18, it is of little difference. I was 5 years older than my husband, and told him twice before we were married, but he was a tad intoxicated at the times so it didn't sink in. Pretty sure he know I had a few on him anyway. He found out for sure in the minister's office, and thought it was funny how I avoided the question. We laughed at it often later. Didn't bother him a bit, but it was 4 or 5 months before he know the truth. Fess up later. If four years is a deal breaker then too bad for him. Sure it's acceptable. Women live on average more than 7 years beyond their husbands. So, you will still be a widow 3 years before you die.
2006-08-31 05:44:43 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as he's 18, I really don't see a problem. Forget about what society says and the acceptance of others. Live life for yourself and no one else. If being with him makes you happy, then I say more power to you! Age is just a number, it's the maturity and responsibility that counts. Tell him the truth and always be honest. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-31 05:46:14 · answer #5 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the guy. Personally I think that a 4 year difference is perfectly acceptable.. younger or older. To me, age is just a number it's all in how old you act.. to a certain point at least. Don't worry too much about it.. if he really cares about you, it won't matter. Just tell him, if he isn't mature enough to be with a girl that's older then him, he's not the guy for you.
Good luck =)
2006-08-31 05:43:53 · answer #6 · answered by x_aramus_x 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 4 years older than my first husband, and there was nothing wrong with it at the time. If he don't act like a child, then there should be nothing wrong with it, and I doubt that he will care that you are older. You do need to tell him and let him decide if he wants to stay with you, but he would be stupid if he tells you he loves you now, then you tell him that and he is upset over it. He is in love with you, not your age.. To some guys it don't really matter, my husband left me for a lady that was 12 years older so I guess I was not old enough for him...
2006-08-31 05:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that 4 years was not enough to lie about. I was dating a guy who was 2 years younger and he hid it from me for 3 years! I think that the person just feels betrayed that you could keep a lie going that long and it also makes them wonder what else they were lying about. So you should tell him ASAP but be sure to explain your reason for holding back this information. The sooner, the better and also the sooner he will be able to get it out of his mind and question your integrity-- I mean you guys are talking about marriage and he doesn't even know your real age!!
2 words- "tell him"
2006-08-31 05:42:21 · answer #8 · answered by superbad~honeydip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him. Chances are he will find out eventually anyway, so he should find out from you and not someone else. 4 years isn't bad. I am 27 and I could see myself dating a 23 year old if he was fairly mature. My b/f is 25, we've been together 4 yrs, living together for 1 year in a house I bought.
2006-08-31 05:51:54 · answer #9 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When will people learn not to lie? If I were him. I would be less concerned with your age than the fact you lied to him from the start! Come clean with him and deal with whatever happens. For the record, I am 8 1/2 years older than my husband. The years don't matter because they don't matter to US. It seems that YOU are the one who has a problem with being older. Until YOU get over it, it will continue to be a problem.
2006-08-31 05:48:28 · answer #10 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am exactly 4 years and 20 days younger than my wife of 20 years. It absolutely makes no difference whatsoever. Given the fact that the average female lives 5 years longer than the average male, I think it is better to have a wife older than the husband.
good luck
2006-08-31 05:41:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋