Sometimes my mother in law is civil with me and other times she is upset for no reason? she has rude and hurtful comments. How do I deal with her? help! my husband and I have endless arguments about his mom's behavior.
2006-08-31 04:40:12 · 16 answers · asked by juliajulia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lay down the law. Flip out on her once to let her know you ain't taking her crap. Tell her exactly how you feel and that you will not be a victim of her flip flop behavior, you're not a door mat. Do it now before it continues and gets worse. After that just be strong about what you want and ignore her when she whines - and I mean straight out pretend like she is not in the room and pay attention when she is being sweet.
Your husband should support you. Don't whine to him about her or go to him for advice or help, just independently take care of the problem, he obviously isn't going to. If he has a problem with it then remind him of the vows he took and ultimately it is more important that your wife be happy than his Mom!
2006-08-31 04:56:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All mother in laws are Jekyll and Hyde. That is the way it is. You took her boy away and that is it.
Your husband needs to be on your side. He is married to you not his mother.
Many couples have this problem in the beginning and it seems to be on the husband side that is the biggest. Your husband needs to wake up and stand up for you. Tell him to grown some coconuts when dealing with his mom.
Good luck
2006-08-31 04:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have a medical condition; or maybe she's just moddy and doesn't have good manners. I think, it's best in this situation to always be civil, and ignore it - just don't get too close to her. Being that your husband grew up with he, he's probably so used to her acting this way he may not even see the problem. Don't be too hard on him - although I do agree that husband and wife should stick together as much as possible, and he needs to hear you out.
2006-08-31 04:59:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel your problem! although i am not married my boyfriend's mother is the same way. sometimes she'll be as sweet as can be and other times she will be rude and hurtfull saying the most terrible things. she once asked my mother if i was on birth control, and told her that she wanted her son to be careful with a girl "like me". (my boyfriend is the first person i have ever been with) thankfully, my boyfriend stood up for me after i told him what happened and he had a long discussion with his mother about treating me disrespectfully. she still acts the same old way, but i know my boyfriend is on my side and that his mother is just jealous.
i don't see your problem as your mother in law, i see it as your husband. he made a commitment to love and honor you, so he needs to have a discussion with his mother, if that doesn't work i suggest avoiding her as much as possible, maybe then she will understand how upset she is making you and that it is causing turmoil between you and your husband.
2006-08-31 04:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a former mother in law that sounds like yours. Mine would speak without thinking about what she was saying. She would call my other sister in laws fat. She would buy used sweaters for Christmas and give them to the daughter in laws. Sometimes they would be way to small and she would say, "Well, you will just have to lose weight". In hindsight, I wish I would have just sent the kids along with my husband and I would have stayed home. Other than that I just had to let what she said roll off of my shoulders.
She came to visit us one time for a couple of weeks. I asked her for some help setting the table. She was never afraid to ask me for help when I was at her place. She replyed to me that she was on vacation and was not doing any work. From then on if I had to go to her place, I was always on vacation to and told my husband he could help her.
2006-08-31 04:48:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same situation with my mother-in-law.....she is nice to me when I am at her house but then she does stuff that pisses me off.........like one day i let my son spend the night on a Friday night, it was really hot and my son has asthma and it always seems to act up when the weather is changing......I called to see if they made it there ok and if should would not take him outside because it was too hot, she told me " I know, you don't have to tell me".....what! I was so pissed I just bit my lip and said ok thanks and then I called my husband to tell him what she did......and then to top it off she took him to the park anyway......oh that made me even more mad but instead of arguing with my husband I just will not allow my son to go over there alone or spend the night........my son is 2, I really don't think he needs to be spending the night anywhere anyway but its his grandparents thats why I let him go,,,,,,, and then I am venting to my sister-in-law about it and she tells me that its not her moms fault blah blah blah..........so if she is not doing it on purpose then she is just nuts! She just does stuff like that.......we have rules for our kids and she feels like she can just do whatever she wants even when we ask her specifically not to do something...she also took down our wedding picture about 2 years ago and i would argue with my husband about it cause i thought it was so rude! My husband is the only one married out of the 3 kids and she takes down our picture and she has her friends daughters wedding picture up! WHAT!? makes no sense to me, I was hurt and offended but now I can careless what she does or doesn't do as long as it doesn't affect me and my husband directly or affect my children!
2006-08-31 04:53:41 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is probably jekyll and hyde. Honey, when it comes to a man's mother, you best leave it alone or leave him. You will never win this argument. Try to let it roll off your back when she makes these rude comments. You will be better off....Hope this helps!!
Sheri
2006-08-31 05:21:25 · answer #7 · answered by bluegirl63065 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u staying w the mother in law(mil)?? My my... that is somthing I will not do.. u know what they say.. a house cannot have 2 ladies for there can only be 1 queen.... i think that u shld see if she is behaving nicely when ur husband is ard and behaving badly to u when ur husband is not ard.. if so.. i think u may need to move out... or get ur husband to talk to him and be firm w his mum...
if your MIL is not the one stated above.. then i think u need to find out what caused the drastic behaviour?? it becos u did not put in enough effort.. or she is still not used tat her precious son is married??? if so... again.. try talking or setting an agreement on the houshold thingy and house rules.. or u move out....
2006-08-31 04:46:39 · answer #8 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mother in law will always be a pain in the a**... you need to ignore her... and move on.. or else it's going to jeopardize your relationship with your husband... he won't ditch his mom for you... you need to realize that...
be nice to her.. when she's nice to you.. and ignore her ... when she's not... or just tell her directly how you feel.. do not involve your husband in your arguments with his mother.
2006-08-31 04:46:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is telling her something when you're not around. Mom's always want to protect their kids.
2006-08-31 04:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋