What would you do if you were the woman in this situation.?

Question

Your husband of 34 years has fallen out of love with you. He has told you he no longer has those feelings for you. He cares about you, but doesnt love you anymore? You try to initiate sex with him and he tells you to stop trying because you just dont turn him on. You keep on telling him how much you love him and you cant live without him, but you cant get him to respond. He had an affair and you cant get it out of your head. You catch him masterbating and tell him how disgusting it is and that you can masterbate but you cant have sex with with me. What would you do?

Answer 1

Let him leave .I know it is difficult to let go but he is really already gone.You really can move on an have some kind of life again.You deserve more than you are getting from him. There is no point in " beating a dead horse";there really is life after marriage.You shouldn't keep letting him call the shots for you.You will be happier without this stress ,and believe me,there is someone out there who will appreciate you.

Answer 2

Leave him....you're only hurting yourself. You deserve more than what you're getting. It's going to be hard, very hard, but it's better for you in the long run. Worse case, the marriage is over and you're no longer treated badly; best case, your husband realizes you're serious and pulls his head out of his a**.
If you're not now, start socializing more. Meet people...move on. It's never too late to find someone who really cares for you.
I have a 69 year old friend who just did just that. He's on top of the world these days. Do yourself a favor and stop allowing your husband to treat you this way.

Answer 3

Well, I would question if he has feelings for someone else. Sad as it may sound, it maybe time to get tough and move on. The strangth you will have soon from all the nonsence you are going through will help you move on. Its hard to get to his level now, because he's at the point of letting go and it sounds like he has. Nothing more can really be done if he isn't willing to try. And you could drive yourself nuts trying to think of ways to bring the love back for you two to be together. Your better than that and you deserve happiness. I know its hard to move on when all you've lived was him. It does take time.

Answer 4

I would face the facts and move on. He not only tells you he doesn't want you or love you but he had an affair in the past and you catch him masturbating....he's really not interested if he turns down real sex for masturbation....I'm sorry that you are heart broken but it's time to find someone who has a heart and who can take better care of you...he's a jerk.

Answer 5

Find a good marriage councellor. Try to get him to attend with you. Telling him it's disgusting that he masterbates won't help the situation. There is something else wrong with your relationship and sex is just a symptom. Find out what that is and try to fix it. Prepare yourself for having to move on. He may decide to divorce you. Get your hands on all the financial information you can so you don't get screwed in the settlement.

Answer 6

There are details you need to add.

Do you have children under 18 (probably not)?

Have you completely lost your looks (I know this may sound rude, but sometimes men want the woman they married not someone who doesn't maintain themselves, although you should love your partner no matter what).

Is he willing to go to sex therapy to help rekindle things? Or atleast do things yourselves like sexy lingerie and experimental stuff like props or watching pornos.

Are you still in love and attracted to him?

Are you good in bed? Ask him that and ask him if not, were you at one time or can he teach you what he likes that you can do?

Is he still having an affair? Was the affair with some hot young chick?

It all depends on how badly you want the marriage to work.

Answer 7

Go immediately to marriage counselling.
If he won't go with you, go alone. You need to get your feelings sorted out right now. There are loads of resources.
He is probably going through "male menopause" and blaming you for his depression, feelings of unworthiness, and failure.Wife is an easy target.
Why would you deny him sex with you--for any reason? Aren't you unhappy because he doesn't want to have sex with you? Give it up- And remind him of how life could be with you.
If he is worth fighting for--fight!
If not, tell him to grow a brain and leave him. Take everything, including alimony, after all, he cheated on you! He doesn't seem sorry or working to win you back--He doesn't get how he has damaged you--and you are just supposed to get over it.
If he cares, he will want to fight/work to keep you.
If not, you need to take care of yourself. It is cold and lonely out here with no money, no house, and no resources. YOU didn't cheat.
Good luck, hon. Let us know how you are doing...

Answer 8

get a divorce.......if he would rather masterbate then have sex with you........even if he doesn't love you. I find it hard to believe that a guy would turn down sex, so he must really not want ANYTHING to do with you. Move on and save yourself the aggony of his treating you thi way...

Answer 9

I think you sound like a beautiful and devoted wife and above all are an exquisite example for all of us ladies.. You deserve so much better than that...
Put faith in your self and follow your gut instinct not your heart your gut... And know that some where your inner qualities will carry you through your decision.... Best wishes to a beautiful lady.... ♥

Answer 10

Kids? They come first.

No kids, and if he doesn't want to try, no way this will work out for you with him. Sorry. Call a lawyer, get it over with. The longer you wait the more you suffer.