Should I be concerned about this relationship becoming abusive?

Question

I'm getting married in the next few weeks but, I have some concerns. Lately he seems more controlling but, only in the way of what he says is what goes, regardless of what I say. Sometimes he talks to me like I'm only 12 yrs. old. Lately when we wrestle around he hits me harder than what I think he should. BUT he has never been physically abusive at all. He has called me names when we've gotten in arguments and only then. We petsitted for some friends of ours and the puppy would use the bathroom in the floor and he would spank it too hard, hard enough I couldn't watch and then throw it in the floor. My bird bit him and he thumped it and knocked it out for a while and told me that anything in is house is not going to act like that. I'm not sure if it something to worry about or not, as far as the way he might oneday treat me? He has always treated me like any girl would want to be treated, that is why I'm confused???... Any ideas?

Answer 1

name calling is abuse too. judging by the behavior you have described i would have to say that yes he will become abusive and controlling. an abusive relationship it a very hard thing to get out of because the abuser knows how to play mind games to make you stay. they know what your afraid of and they will use it to keep you there. the reason they want you there is because they have low self esteem and are using you to make themselfs feel big and in control.

Answer 2

I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. If he loves you like he says he does, he will listen to everything you have to say, give you a real reason as to why he is acting this way, and promise you he will do better. If he doesn't tell you those 3 things, then I would be worried. I have a friend that was in a similar situation. They were not married but had a child. He was GREAT at first, but in the past 6 months, she has been pushed off the porch, had a broken leg, 2 cracked ribs, and a gun pointed at her face by this man that swore he loved her. Be careful and listen to your brain before your heart. The heart tends to lie sometimes, but your brain....well....it's the smartest part of our body. Good Luck on the relationship and the wedding.

Answer 3

You'd better be seriously thinking this through. And if you're asking, then you are. I would talk to him and tell him about your concerns. As far as your upcoming marriage, I would put in on hold until these issues are resolved. If a person will treat animals that way, he will likely treat you the same. Not to sure that I wouldn't run in the opposite direction. I think he knows that you are cemented to him and that he can get by with this kind of behavior. It could be his father treated his mother this way. Not healthy for you at all. Seek help or get away from this person.

Answer 4

This man is abusive. He WILL beat your children if you guys have them together. He is taking over "control" of the relationship by not listening to your concerns or ideas. YOU are a person and YOU are part of this COUPLE. He needs to share the responsibilities with you and he needs to share the decision making process with you. Watch out girl! It sounds like he has 'won' your heart and is now breaking you down so you will have very little self esteem and confidence... after those things are gone, the emotional and physical abuse will occur. You guys already don't have productive arguments if you're calling each other names. That's not showing love and compassion for each other! BE CAREFUL! He has been showing lots of red flags!!!

Answer 5

It sounds to me that he has a problem controlling his temper. It will only get worse if he doesn't get help for it now! I don't know if u already have kids together but if not and u plan to then I would say that his temper will definatly intensify with a baby around crying and getting into things. Since hes already doing this to animals beacuse of something as petty as pooping in the house then imagine what he would do to your child if it makes a mess! Think about it and if you are to afraid to comfront him alone then get a third party to help out. But I would definatly think about getting married to this guy untill he gets some help. Good Luck and be safe!!!!

Answer 6

Abusive men are great at manipulation. THey make you believe that they are great except when YOU or something else pisses them off which is usually a pretty regular occurance. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN UNTIL YOU HAVE GOTTEN SOME COUNCILING TOGETHER.

Abuse does not always start out being hit. It most often starts with name calling, isolation, making you feel crazy, making you feel like you are not smart, making you feel like you NEED him.

Girlfriend you only need 2 people yourself and a higher power.

Answer 7

My suggestion, GET OUT NOW!!! This guy is clearly abusive. Sure he treats you nice now, but once you said "I do" things will change. I have seen this situation before and the spouse becomes a victim. If you are truly afraid, have your friends or family with you when you say you are leaving. LEAVE now and don't look back, you will be better off believe me.

Answer 8

I would be alarmed. Anyone that can abuse an animal will definitely have no qualms doing it to a person. Don't marry him. You guys need to work through his control issues before walking down the isle.

Answer 9

yes you should be more than a little concerned,anyone who shows you violence in any way, can be a possible abuser. before you marry ask him if he is feeling stressed about getting married, because i am almost sure that if he is controlling and violent now, it will only progress, and get worse later especially in stressful times.

Answer 10

My mom married a guy just like this, was charming, romantic and treated me and my sister wonderful. WHen they got married he changed. He was very verbally abusive to my sister and mother. At one point and time he held a gun to my moms head and told her not to move or he would kill her. Tell tale signs.....you need to follow your gut feeling.