I've tried talking with my dad about this, and he will have none of it. He even said he'll divorce my mum if she disagrees with him. DO I NEED HIS BLESSINGS TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE? He's discriminating my boyfriend - because of his beliefs.
2006-08-31 03:44:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know just how you feel. My parents hate my fiance because he is working class and they are middle class. It's exactly the same kind of bigoted prejudice.
I say marry your fiance. You have to live with him. If you love him and he loves you, you are practically guaranteed a good life together. You have to make your own decisions, don't let your dad control you. Also don't let him guilt trip you by threatening to divorce your mum. This only goes to prove what an angry and desperate person he is, if he is willing to emitonally blackmail his own daughter who he is meant o love and respect. What happens in your parent's relationship is their own business, what you do with your life is your business.
2006-08-31 04:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You best tell your dad that the disowning of one's own children and/or divorcing one's wife are far more serious sins than if a Catholic were to choose to marry a non-Catholic. And two wrongs will not make a right. Neither of these actions will do anything to point you in the right direction.
Having said that, inter-faith marriages are far more difficult to manage than marriages in which both spouses share a common belief. Have you two decided which religion's services you both will attend? Have you decided which religion your children will be brought up with?
Please know that all Catholics are REQUIRED to bring their children up in the Catholic Faith, even if one parent is from a non-Catholic/Christian belief system. How does your spouse-to-be feel about this?
Bear in mind that you did not say which religion your boyfriend believes. Maybe it is one that has irreconciable beliefs with Catholicism, and it is not beyond the realm of possibility that this could ruin your marriage at some point in the future...
Your father is only looking out for your best interests. Perhaps he is being a bit extreme in his methods, but you two MUST come to an understanding of each other with a cool, calm, collected conversation - soon.
2006-09-01 11:51:12 · answer #2 · answered by Daver 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This question really involves 3 issues: (1) your relationship with your father, (2) your relationship to your boyfriend, and (3) your relationship to God. Perhaps the starting point here is for you to decide where each of these fit into your life. Is your relationship to your father strong enough to be able to sit and talk about why he feels the way he does? Is your relationship with your boyfriend truly significant enough to risk damaging your ties to your father (and are you sure about that)? Finally, but far from least, what are YOUR beliefs? Your post is strangely silent about what your faith is. That is the most important question. If you are getting too much "static" from this tension between your father and your boyfriend, it may be blocking your ability to find your own place with God. If you are unsettled on that issue, I suggest taking a break from the boyfriend and father, and take some time to figure out where you stand. Assuming you are Catholic, see a good priest and consider taking a spiritual weekend retreat.
One final note: I have been in your situation. The forces around me at the time pushed me in directions I did not want to go, and my ego and pride lead me to say and do things I regret. Take your time and think this out before you make the same mistakes. God bless.
2006-08-31 11:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by Matthew B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So the staunch catholic would DIVORCE your mother over your decision to marry outside the faith? This is not good. If you're catholic, you'd better go visit a priest and find out what he thinks about it all and maybe he can get your father to get off of his ranting and raving. You should have the right to marry whomever you want; it's your life. Godloveya.
2006-08-31 10:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
--Is Catholic--
If your dad is "staunchly Catholic", then I am afraid that you need to teach him what the Catholic Faith says.
If you open up Canon Law to TITLE IV Marriage
http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/canon/c0840-1165.htm
You will read that a Catholic may marry anyone that they choose, so long as they are not prohibited by law (either natural, civil, ecclesial, or divine).
Can. 1058 All can contract marriage who are not prohibited by law.
Specifically, if you are marrying outside of the Church (non-Catholic or non-Christian), you are going to need a dispensation from the bishop. It is easier to marry a non-Catholic than it is to marry a non-Christian.
I suggest that you read CHAPTER VI : MIXED MARRIAGES which will fit your situation (there is also other considerations before that)
Key Canons are
Can. 1125 The local Ordinary can grant this permission if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions are fulfilled:
1Æ the catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptized and brought up in the catholic Church;
2Æ the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the catholic party
3Æ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either contractant.
Can. 1126 It is for the Episcopal Conference to prescribe the manner in which these declarations and promises, which are always required, are to be made, and to determine how they are to be established in the external forum, and how the non-Catholic party is to be informed of them.
As you can see, if you fulfill the conditions for a dispensation the Bishop may approve your marriage. If he does, then there is nothing that your father can say about the matter.
As far as disowning goes, if you are granted marriage and your are disowned, then your father acts against the Church and against Christ.
As far as the threat of divorcing your mum, SHAME on your father! He needs to learn more about the Catholic Faith.
As far as you go, it is harder to be Catholic when you are not married to a Catholic. Do not underestimate the importance of religion. Raise your kids Catholic, if you are blessed with them. Be Catholic and work our your salvation according to the path that Christ has instructed the Church. Forgive the ignorance and hardhearted attitude of your father. Always seek to be a model of the Catholic Faith to your husband so that he might convert to the Faith and know Christ.
God Bless!
2006-08-31 14:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by Liet Kynes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't be a very staunch Catholic if he's prepared to Divorce your mother.... go with your heart, marry the guy, you don't need anybodies blessing to do what you will with your life. Best of luck tho', tough place to be... stand your ground though - prove to your Dad that you're so dedicated to this guy that you're prepared to go without the love of you father... he may respect you more.
Religion....sucks.
2006-08-31 11:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont need anyones blessing to have a happy marriage.....
asa long as you both love each other, you will be fine....
if your father disowns you then thats his loss!!..... get maried if you believe he is the one you love and want to be with...
If your dad threatens to divorce your mum, say thats got nothing to do with you, and if he does then he cant have much faith and follow your religion that much!!!!!! very hypocritical of him!!!
my friends dad was like that till his wife stood up to him and left him!!! which then has mellowed him out and now he doesnt mind who she sees... im not saying that will happen just things change with time... and so will your dad eventually... he will have to adjust and intime im sure he will...
dont let your dad emotionally blackmail you!!! stand up to him say dad.. were getting married, i want you to be there but if your not then i will get my male best mate to give me away.... or something to that degree... dont bother argueing with him about it, your mind is made up!!!! and do it!!! enjoy the one you love, if you let him go you may never find anyone like it again!!!
2006-08-31 11:14:37 · answer #7 · answered by meow22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart and let everything else fall as it may. I'm sorry you're in a situation like this, but don't give up your true love over religious beliefs...if you love him, you love him and there's no way to just stop loving him because your father disapproves. Gather your strength and courage and proceed with things the way you want to. Best wishes to you for your future.
2006-08-31 10:50:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's forcing you to marry a Catholic guy like my parents did and this Catholic guy I'm with is such a b*tch towards other guys whose religion is different and forbids me to talk to them because he thinks they will steal me and try to convert me.
2014-03-05 19:17:00 · answer #9 · answered by That Wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you know you will be happy then you can be. My in laws hated me when my husband and I got married b/c they said I wasn't "good enough" for them. Well they got over it when they realized I was sticking around. I think it was a scare tactic...to try and get him to leave me. When he didn't, then they realized they didn't want to "lose" their son.
2006-08-31 11:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by nic_tammyscott 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋