I know someone who I call an old friend, we've known each other for an average 20 years. We grew up together on the same street but ended up at different secondary schools.
I went overseas and kept in touch once in a while but we basically went on with our lives. I came back twice and everything was still good in our friendship. Now I am back to stay, they seem to have a busy life too busy. It isn't supposed to be the same, I know everyone gets on with their life. I would like to contact them and see where they are at in their life, but we had a falling out and something just keeps stopping me from doing so.
2006-08-31 02:53:52 · 17 answers · asked by Morgan J 3 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
Let them get on with it...you're better than that than to chase after them
2006-08-31 02:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by SunnyDays 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can't tell if you've contacted them since returning or if you haven't - your tale is a tad confusing. But I get the jist of it - I've been in something of a similar situation in the last few years. The answer to your question is definitely try, and try it several times over several months. Have constructive things to suggest - a lunch, a day at a ball game, shopping, a museum, see a movie, whatever. However, I do find that my contacts where I am now HAVE moved into some asynchronous phase... one of them I'm able to keep a friendship going with, though it's only 3 or 4 times a year, and I understand because she has a child, a career, building a house, etc. i.e. she has a life... The other is more of a personal disappointment to me and I think we will never speak or see each other again.
I guess it all comes down to this - be available, make the contacts, and try... but don't be hyper aggressive about it, realize from the very start that things are "just different now". Meanwhile, take up some new activities, join a new club or two, take a class or two, and grow some other relationships. It takes time (I'm finding), but you CAN be at peace with it - things are what they are, you know.
p.s. Martin - that's awesome! Where'd you get it?
2006-08-31 03:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendship now a days is different than when we were little .. We move A LOT more than our folks and it is hard to keep the friendship we want out of life I found out it is easier to make a once a year call than it is to make everyday conversation with my friends and it is true for them also .. When you live by them you can just go over and you see the life but when you live apart so long or much it is work and who wants to have to work at a friend ship .. If we all stayed put our friendships wouldn't have changed
2006-08-31 03:43:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some friends are for a REASON, some are for a SEASON, and some are for a LIFETIME. My personal opinion is that you need to decide which of the above is true. The following may help...
Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This piece nicely explains the flow of people in and out of our lives.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON, b ecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
2006-08-31 03:02:07 · answer #4 · answered by DTFC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People get busy with their lives and forget to pay attention & keep their old friendships and relationships alive.
Call your friend and clear the air. Time heals all wounds, so perhaps you can refresh your friendship. If the friend isn't interested then you'll be able to figure that out and then move on with your own life.
Best wishes to you!
2006-08-31 03:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by Bluealt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would contact your friend. What is the worse that can happen? At least you'll have a closure to your relationship if it truly has broken down. And if not, maybe you can rekindle your old friendship.....If she's married or has children then that would certainly explain a lot.....it is the curse of family that keeps you from your friends. You become so wrapped within yourself you forget everyone else.
2006-08-31 02:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by Genevieve 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It becomes increasingly difficult to maintain a focussed friendship as you get older.
If you've had a falling out; send 'em some flowers/bottle of wine with a written apology. Then, try creating new memories to base your friendship on; it takes effort though - and it sounds like you may need to be the driving force in this.
2006-08-31 02:58:27 · answer #7 · answered by Felidae 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We have very few and far between true friends
if you really love this person, then get in touch, life is to short to waste. the worst that can happen is s/he will say no i don't want you in my life (which is fine because you have not had contact and you can survive this reaction) or you will be friends again.
Either is better than spending the rest of your life not knowing
Good luck
2006-08-31 04:47:17 · answer #8 · answered by LBB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you answered your own question. 'something just keeps stoppin me from doing so'. I would take that as a sign that whilst you may wish a familiar relationship not to end, you do not see much point in it's continuation.
You have two options a) contact them and try to regain the friendship or b) do nothing and accept that the ball is in their court if they want to continue the friendship.
2006-08-31 03:08:04 · answer #9 · answered by Phil J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When there's a falling out, usually, unless you still cross paths with each other a lot, someone has to swallow their pride and take the first step to fixing it. For whatever reason, they may not be ready to do that, or as you said, they may just be busy with their lives, but I find that if you make the first step, it's usually worth it.
2006-08-31 02:58:22 · answer #10 · answered by CASSMAN 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Whatever the falling out was, its probably more or less forgotten. get in touch today; the very worst that can happen is that you will know for certain that you are no longer friends & that makes more sense than just wondering.
2006-08-31 02:57:41 · answer #11 · answered by Well, said Alberto 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋