What is it about a women that would make her embarrased to be intimate with her spouse?

Question

My wife and I have been married for a couple of years, but the things that i thought would desolve seem to be remaining the same. She admits every once in a while that she thinks about sex but overall does not show any affection or willingness to be intimate without being strongly persued. Should I be pushing her to be more intimate or affectionate or should I let it go and be happy with everything else we have so great in our marriage, because other than that she is wonderful and will do anything for me?

Answer 1

No, you absolutely can not push her. She'll be more likely to resent you for nagging the heck out of her than to become more aggressive sexually.
You need to have a conversation with her, and ask her why she thinks she is not very assertive.
Was she abused? Does she feel inadequate sexually? Does she have hang ups about her body? Does she think that you'll think she's not a good person? Is there something physically wrong that prevents her from enjoying sex?
I think that a lot of women are just not highly sexual people.
Women and men view sex differently, I think. I think some women see sex as the extension of a loving relationship, not proof of love. Sex is what happens as a result of feeling loved. Some men sort of see sex as the proof that a loving relationship exists.
I think you need to ask her what things you can do for her that would make her feel loved. Not things that are sexual, just things that she would feel are thoughtful on your part.
Then on your own, you maybe need to try some things that you would think are thoughtful.
Whether that be candles, or giving her alone time, or massages, or quality time with her, that do not involve sex.
Then if I were you, I'd ask her, what she would like you to do, while you're in the act. I mean stop in the middle and ask her what she wants.
Though it's stupid, I think a lot of women are sort of conditioned to believe that it's slutty to express sexual needs. If this is her issue, then you need to let her know that your goal is to please her, and she's the only one who can tell you how to do that.

Answer 2

If she's wonderful in everything else, definitely stick around. Sometimes it takes a while for partners to become comfortable with one another (like others have said, it could have to do with her background) and although two years is a while, you don't cast off a lifetime of being a certain way overnight. I think what you need is a talk with her, and all romantic things you can do will also help (like others above have suggested).

Good luck to you, couples need to be able to talk to each other about everything, but sometimes it takes time to get used to that.

Answer 3

I dont think its being embarrased, I think it is some of us have a very low sex drive, was she abused as a child? or in a previous relationship? that alone can kill us in the intimate dept. Maybe talk to her, which I am sure you have. but keep trying, let her know you are "hers" and only "hers". she sounds like a great lady though so ya you need to hold on to her! I bet she loves and adores you more than you could ever imagine.

Answer 4

Ive been with my hubby for 4 years and married 1. I went through periods where want..want..want and then I went through periods where didn't want as much. I think our hormones play a big part but also I had gained weight due to a pregnancy and didn't feel good about myself and felt it was hurting my sex life. My husband tried to be as sweet as possible but the problem lied inside myself. I went to a weight loss clinic and loss 15lbs. I have way more confidence and self esteem, I want it all the time. My poor husband gets worn out. Have a talk with her and find our her issues and take it from there.

Answer 5

be patient with her, she must have a psychological blockage towards sex, it can happen when the parents are strict & kids have been told that sex is a bad thing or had a bad experience in the past like some one has harrased her in the past when she was a kid. so make her feel comfortable, talk to her, understand why she has this problem. or does she experience any pain or discomfort during the act. get to know the reason then find a solution.

Answer 6

Don't push her.. it'll only make her feel more embarrassed.

I'm not talking from experience here but logically, try and ease her into things. Run her a nice hot bath with candles and stuff, buy romantic movies and have romantic nights, some with and some without intimate action.

Don't make every moment lead to sex.. instead make her feel comfortable and slowly encourage her subconciously.

Answer 7

In every relationship there is a pursuer and a pursuee. More than likely the roles will never be reversed but you can try to equal it out a bit. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she is just in the "routine"of you pursuing her. Or she may need to see a Dr. It could be a hormone deficiency.

Answer 8

I've been married for two years and am wondering the same thing! You're not alone buddy! I look forward to seeing some of the following responses (hopefully from females...I need a clue too!).

Answer 9

my ex-girl and I had been living together for over 5 years and she had the same problem. it took some time but she did end up show affection. I made her ask for sex every nite until she was able to be intimate. Just hang in there.

Answer 10

Try to find a way to talk to her. You have to do it in a way that is considerate of her feelings. Ask her what is going on. Show her that you really care about her feelings. It could be sooo many things that it would be hard for you to figure out without her input.