Do you think it is fair on someone if she finds out she is pregnant and want to keep the baby, but her husband/fiance/boyfriend says he will leave her if she keeps it? What if the man was leaving because he didn't want kids yet, or the couple weren't finanically ready (even though their parents would help out)? Is the man not taking responsibility is the child is definitely his?
2006-08-30 23:41:53 · 23 answers · asked by wired_defect 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No he's being an idiot and one you might do well without in your childs life. That said - the idiot still is responsible for child care etc. The blessing of the child sounds like it's going to be yours to bear by yourself, so for him to just have to be financially responsible doesn't even put a dent into the big picture. If he doesn't want to be involved and you're keeping the baby, insist on
the financial support and be glad he was just a sperm donor and not your forever person
2006-08-31 00:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by Sidoney 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's not fair to anyone who is in the situation. Second of all, You can never be exactlly finanically ready for a child. You could save for years and there would still be something come up. As for the father, If he isnt ready, is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Granted, most of it is because he is scared and if you are both young. That has more then a lot to do with it. I am not trying to get your hopes up, but most MEN and let me stress the word MEN, not boys will step up and take care of his child. You are lucky to beable to have children, when so many women can't. Trust me, if he decies he doesnt want to be a dad. You will find a great man who will. I know I was in the same situation as a child. I had an awesome step-dad. Who treated me just like his flesh and blood. So keep your head up, and think the bond you form with your child is like nothing you will ever feel.
2006-08-30 23:52:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the kind of thing people need to work out before having sex.
If a man has made it clear that he absolutely does not want to have a child with someone (even "not yet") and is using birth control consistently, it's unreasonable to expect him to be a father if his partner gets pregnant and decides to go through with the pregnancy and raise the child. I would expect him to have made that totally clear before ever having sex, though - that he'd want the woman to abort if she got pregnant. If the two couldn't agree on that, they shouldn't be having sex anyway.
If the man wasn't doing everything he could to prevent pregnancy (not just relying on a woman to take BC pills), then he made a choice to take a chance on a pregnancy, and it's only fair that he stick around to deal with it.
No, it isn't fair that the woman has to deal with it somehow no matter what the guy decides, but that's biology.
BUT: nobody who has to be forced, by arguments about "fairness" or anything else, to stick around through a pregnancy, is going to be much of a father. He's going to resent the woman and the child forever on some level.
Men and women shouldn't have sex unless they're both ready for a baby or have completely agreed with each other about pregnancy contingency plans. Is that so difficult?
2006-08-31 00:21:08 · answer #3 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this almost 3 years ago. My boyfriend thought that I had intentionally gotten pregnant. He thought that I was trying to "trap" him. He said that he was not ready. He had told me that if I "take care of it" that he would stay. That child is too precious to even take a chance with so I kept my baby. During my pregnancy I kept him informed on the progress even though he did not seem interested. As soon as I knew the sex of the baby I let him know.
He and I are now back together and everything is fine. I think that the initial shock to the guys system makes them think about themselves and that they get a little bit selfish and want to do for themselves only. I think that if you give him his space and just simply keep him informed on the monthly/bimonthly progress that he will begin to realize that the child is a part of him that is growing inside of you.
2006-08-30 23:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by csc1976 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make a baby, so he's as responsible as she is. If you don't want kids, don't have sex because it's always a possibility, however slim. Having said that, if he's saying he'll go it would probably be best to get rid of him, and never see him again. It will be hard at first, but your family should support you, and in eighteen years you'll probably look back and regard it as the proudest moment of your life. Make sure that if his parents want to see their grand child, they offer as much support as they can (either financially, or socially (i.e. babysitting, healthcare advice, etc)).
On a side note, if your partner is saying this to you, it might be a good idea to get rid of him anyway. He obviosuly isn't trustworthy and he doesn't sound like he's capable of love.
2006-08-30 23:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by leon_the_iguana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's fair, if he never wanted a child. There is still legal remedies to get child support, and he only has moral, not legal obligation to provide emotional support.
He does not need to take care of a child if he never wanted one and was adamant about it. The law makes sure that he needs to provide financially, but if he does not want it in his heart, he will never love the kid. Think about it- what would you do it you were that guy?
I know this sounds kind of harsh, but it's the truth
2006-08-31 02:34:04 · answer #6 · answered by jimbell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he leaves, then yes, he's not taking responsibility. But if he's the type of person to just bail, then the child is better off not having him in his/her life. There is no fair or unfair. You can't force someone to be a parent. But the courts can force him to contribute financially.
2006-08-30 23:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by inoym 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life is unfair but that is just the way some guys are. They want to have the fun of making a child but run when it is time to step up and take responsibility. I wouldn't want a boy like that in my life anyway.
2006-08-30 23:49:32 · answer #8 · answered by blueyes2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boys are always like that only. They generally get rid from the responsibility of the child before marriage. They definitely want to enjoy but donot want to take the responsibiltiy because it is shameful thing for them. Girl are emotionaly attach with the child and generally donot want to get rid from this.
2006-08-30 23:47:09 · answer #9 · answered by kannu_sweetest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he is not being fair unless he is not the father. The girl does not concieve a baby all alone. when he had enjoyed, he should leran to take up responsibilities too. Being parent is a blessing not a curse. Tell him to think over it again.
2006-08-30 23:59:12 · answer #10 · answered by Lovlyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋