My husband and i have not been getting on for a while, and about a month a agao he had enough and said it was over. Ever since then we have not been together. he has said that he doesn't love me any more, and doesn't know me. the Problem is I don't konw myself any more. I know that there is a lot of work that has to be done before we can work things out. I'm loosing hope that our marrage will work, and i don't know if I can stay faithful. I do want to but a have such strong sexual erges i don't know if i can control them. we have given it 2 more months apart.
is it wrong to want sex in this situation? Should i keep trying at this marriage when i don't feel it working?
2006-08-30 22:51:54 · 28 answers · asked by shez w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is very normal to want sex. They are normal feelings. If your sex drive is strong, you need to be strong and get your needs met, as others have suggested, through masturbation...after all. you are still married and contemplating working on the marriage. Don't have sex with someone else until you know you don't care if your marriage works. If your sex drive seems to have increased with the break up, it may be another sign that you don't know yourself as you say...getting horny/having to have male attention can be another way to validate yourself externally EG Someone wanted me for sex so at least I am worth something. Try and work on yourself right now. The energy you put toward your marriage may or may not be wasted...but focusing on discovering who you are/who you want to be will always be worthwhile...Good luck!
2006-08-30 23:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by Libby 44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave"! You are approaching your troubled marriage all wrong. To begin with all marriages have their problems so don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Marriage is hard! Since you are married then you should not be so willing to give up on it so easily. Now, more than ever, you need to evaluate whether or not your marriage is worth saving. You need time to think and not react. You had better get to the roots of your truly feelings for your husband before something really crazy goes down.
You are troubled in your marriage and yet you want to have an affair to ease your sexual urges. That makes no sense at all! Are you really into this marriage or just satisfying yourself sexually? How is being sexual with another man going to help you and your husband to cope? Cheating on your husband, especially now should not be an option honey.
Mastrubate or get a dildo but don't poision your already troubled marriage with the trash that cheating always leaves. Get your urges under control so that you can think more clearly about the real problems at hand.
Put your best foot forward to save your marriage. Seek out proffesional help or spiritual help if you have to but give it a good try. Figure out what it is that you are doing wrong and try to make corrections. Stop blaming! Fix yourself up in all other areas. Try to find happiness with yourself. Then define what the true problem is with you and your spouse.
After you have done your honest best to make things work, then that is all that you can do. If you are still not feeling the marriage then get a divorce and deal further with yourself before you get into another relationship. Get away from the notion that sex is your "end all/cure all". I wish you well!
2006-08-31 06:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having trouble with your identity adding another person to the mix right now will only complicate matters. Whether you do or do not get back together you should be using this time to figure out who you've become. Talk about guys having two brains.
Get yours out from your skirt. Is this the reason for the split in the first place? Put a finish to your marriage before you consider getting other guys involved.
2006-08-31 07:25:12 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a human and these urges are natural but if you turn to another person for sexual gratification surely you realize that he will think that you were apart for 3 months and you couldn't stay fateful what chance is there to repair your broken marriage.
I have never been in your shoes but ,I think that a separation is one of the most misunderstood stages of any relationship after all are you split up pending divorce or on a break in order to gain room to repair your broken marriage . It sounds to me that you and your partner have different Ideas about were your separation is heading . you need to talk to him sit down in a public place like a coffee shop or such and just ask him one simple question are you coming home to me because I really want you to in your time I just need to know so I can find my footing and climb out of this uncertainty .
2006-08-31 06:30:55 · answer #4 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you truely love him may by try concentrating those sexual erges on him. It's amazing how much a good love life can keep a relationship afloat and how a lack of sex can sink the ship, then what happens is the narkyness makes you not want to sleep with other. its a catch 22. so get nasty with him and see where it leads, at the very worst you'll get some.
2006-08-31 06:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by bgm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its exactly how I feel at the moment
The sexual urges maybe your minds way of saying that you want to be close to someone and for someone to love you- because your husband said that he didn't.
In all honesty if hes willing to give it another try thats good news, you really have to sit down and thrash it out though and tell each other what you want and what annoys you both.
on the other hand if he doesnt want to try again you have to move on, and re: sex it may make you feel good in the heat of the moment bu afterwards you may feel guilty and terrible so try and control those urges unless you definately know whats going on and if your relationship is over, you don't want to get into and even bigger rut.
Good luck!
2006-08-31 05:57:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
With this urge that you intend satisfying, will put you on a point of no return, as if you return from thereafter, you might feel guilty!
Make sure you do not wish to go back on old relationship before
starting a new one! Nothing wrong with the urge that you have, But I think you have a few things to be sorted out befor you satisfy yourself.
2006-08-31 06:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by ~Raju~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sexual urges are not wrong.
The key sentence in your question has to do with the comment that you don't know yourself anymore.
It sounds like you have lost yourself in this marriage for whatever reason. This is very common in unhealthy relationships. I have seen it happen frequently to the spouse of an alcoholic or addict. If this is the case, try Al-anon. You can find a local meeting by going to www.al-anon.org. Al-anon is a self-help program for families of alcoholics.
2006-08-31 06:09:41 · answer #8 · answered by Chuck N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already answered the question on whether ur marriage will work or not.. U say u want ur marriage to work, but yet ur asking if u should have sex with another????????? Yet ur hoping to work things out???? and u think having sex will help ur marriage????? lol.. u mine as well just write off ur marriage if u have sex with someone else and u must not love your husband or ur marriage enough if ur willing to throw any chance of a reconcillation out the door like that..maybe he was right leaving when he did, if ur already thinking of having sex with another
2006-08-31 06:02:00 · answer #9 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what it is you want, and live with your decision. If you need to get laid then you should, but if you do remember this may be burning your bridges and you may find out what you really want is something totally different that what you thought you wanted. I think that you are at a crossroads and the road you are going to take is going to be a different road than your spouse, you may regret it in the future, but you may not. There is no right or wrong decision just a decision so make one.
2006-08-31 05:59:47 · answer #10 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋