my son is 13 and has not many friends and cant seem to get male friends and all his other friends are not talking to him how do i help him
2006-08-30 20:39:56 · 12 answers · asked by susan s 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
You can't do anything but encourage him to be himself. Sometimes kids are insecure; he's at that age where kids are very insecure but very cruel as well. Dont' baby him though.
Tell him to get out there and get involved. Get him to do things or to invite people to do things with him. Don't feed into his no one likes me routine. And if he has a few girl friends, then have a get together or meet for the movies or something and ask them to invite some of their guy friends. It's not as hard as you think.
No one will talk to him? Give me a break. He needs to start talking to them then. Don't feed into his stories. Tell him to get off his butt. Tell him also to have freinds you have to be a friend and no one likes being around a sad sack.
2006-08-30 20:47:40 · answer #1 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything about the friends that aren't talking to him. Whatever issues those friends have with his son extend beyond your sphere of influence.
You can try helping your son by giving him advice on how to make new friends by joining some activities or clubs. Many clubs are always eager for new members. If he can find a hobby that he likes, it will put him with people who share a common interest with him.
You might want to look into what it is he's saying and doing. Sometimes how you say things can make a difference in how successful you are when it comes to friendships.
The other thing you can do as a parent is try to teach him how to develop an inner sense of self so that he understands that even if it takes a long time for him to develop friends or if things don't seem to pan out, it's not the end of the world.
As an adult, you are aware that the teenagers who get hung up and attached to their high school friends only keep maybe one or two of them that they were extremely close to. Everyone else goes their separate ways after about 10 or 20 years.
Even if he ends up with few friends through the school year or till he graduates from high school (which is highly unlikely unless he intentionally refuses to socialize or decides to remain aloof), the ones who don't have any real ties to their high school tend to do better when it comes to moving into the college and the working world.
The interesting thing about junior high and high school is that it sets up a Friendships as a Support Network up until 12th Grade. However, once people graduate with a high school diploma, everyone moves away and things change.
Whether that will make sense to your 13 year old or not is another story, but it still wouldn't hurt to explain that all things come to pass.
Another approach is encouraging him to develop his Communication Skills. There are a lot of self-help books out there that can teach him to develop Interpersonal Communication Skills.
A healthy outlet that would keep him distracted would be Business Books to keep his mind occupied. If he doesn't have anything to preoccupy his time, he'll spend it thinking about the friends he doesn't have.
It's just like someone who breaks up with a significant other and they just sit around and think about the person they broke up with when they could spend it doing something constructive that will help improve their quality of life.
One of my favorite books is "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyasaki that teaches about money and finances. If your son isn't into reading, get the Audio CD for him to listen to at night. It tells some great stories about success and building a business that can engage his mind.
I liked reading "Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty" and "Swim with the Sharks without Getting Eaten Alive" by Harvey McKay. It teaches about developing a business using funny and amusing stories that are only a page or two per chapter. Very light reading, educational, and very funny.
I wish that I could've had those types of learning materials when I was in junior high and high school. I spent it running around with friends and hanging out. While there's nothing wrong with enjoying childhood and adolescence, I still think a part of me could've really achieved some really great things if I had started earlier in life.
The key is to keep your son active and where he has momentum to channel his energy else it will be directed toward negative or destructive thinking and behavior.
2006-08-30 21:01:32 · answer #2 · answered by "IRonIC" by Alanis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son has one friend and he is 12.
Maybe your son doesn't feel the need to have friends at his age.
Maybe something has happened that YOU don't know about. Try asking him OR get him into counseling. Make an appointment with your Local Mental Health Clinic for an evaluation.
My 14 yr old daughter has "friends" who like her and call her. She is the one who pushes them away! She don't do the calling or reaching out.
2006-08-30 20:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by jennifersuem 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is ten and is about the same he has a few select friends, but they always get into little girl fights. All you need to do is talk with him open up freely or find someone else like family member or counselor that he can open up to just to see if there is anything else going on. My son also get bullied a lot, just need to build up their self confidence. I am still struggling with my son but in time things will change,
2006-08-30 20:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your son if he is unhappy about not having any friends, maybe he dosn't mind not havin many friends right now. He'll develop in to it when he's older. If the reason is because he's shy and can't approach people why don't you suggest to him to go to a football club with a few boys his age that he might become friends with. Good luck !
2006-09-02 00:05:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great Answer above! Keep him involved in things that will build his self-esteem and make him feel good about himself - or things that he would get compliments on etc...
No use putting him in something he doesn't like - he won't try and could get made fun of etc...so don't force these things...
Try to find his niche' - something he can feel good about doing even if it is volunteering or something! If you can find something that he can help others with - he will have more of a chance to interact and work on his social skills - thereby making friends!
You can check with your township - library, police dept., senior citizen center, local schools, food pantry, township - sports clubs, etc... Even check the newspaper - you never know. What about a Police Athletic League? A Bowling Team? etc...
2006-08-30 20:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by swim32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm not trying to sound mean or cruel but there must be something he's doing or has done for all his friends to abandon him. maybe he's just not a good friend. it might help to sit down and talk to him about what's been happening with his friends and see how you can help depending on what happened.
2006-09-02 16:11:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hard spot, well try to keep him involved with something, extracurricular with males outside or in school. More you gotta do it better he'll get. If he just withdraws he'll never learn, better at 13 then 30
2006-08-30 20:43:34 · answer #8 · answered by Mat 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sign him up for some activity that will win him some friends? I agree with the above comments....All the best to your son! =)
2006-08-30 21:48:40 · answer #9 · answered by Stinkey S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to get him in to sports and let him communicate with people on his team in school its like when ur a boy ur not as social in time he will get more friends
much luvvv!!!!
if u have any questions or need more advice email me:
mizprincess416@yahoo.com
2006-09-03 20:07:57 · answer #10 · answered by Tiarra R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋