How do I get my life on track while dealing with a emotionally distant and disgusting husband?

Question

I've never been one for material things or keeping up with the "Joneses" and I all I really wanted was to be with a man that I could treat like a king with all of my being. As long as he acted like one and treated me with respect and kindness. Although I continue to take care of the kids, the house and the bills, my husband does nothing for me or our kids. He spends more time with his co-workers and his computer than with us. I've tried to live my life as he does, separate but he sabotages everything I do. Going to the gym, back to school or even starting a new job. On top of all of that my husband smells so rank that me and the kids can't stand to be near him. He has a medical problem that is an easy cure but he refuses to get treatment. Even if I wanted to have sex, his stink prevents it. I have no friends or emotionally close family members. I'm very lonely and deeply depressed. I am seeing a shrink but it's not helping. I see my life slipping away and I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

If he won't help himself, and you can't take anymore, then get divorced. I know that's not easy. You will have to decide if the bad parts of divorce are better than living with him.

Answer 2

Tough one. Especially if you put up with it this long. I have this feeling that you aren't too eager to walk away, you just want to know how to make things better. I think your first rule of thumb should be to sit the hubby down and lay it on the line for him. What you expect, what you aren't getting and what you are going to do about it if he doesn't put forth some effort. Explain to him what his lifestyle is doing to the family. If he wants to make it work, he'll ry to change. If he likes things the way they are and sees nothing wrong with it, then you have a big problem and need to start thinking of your options. I should also tell you that since you have children, and it is over, he is going to be the one to leave. You and the children (9 times out of 10) will get to stay in the house. I just didn't want you to worry about not having a place to go if the worse was to come.

I wish you well.

Answer 3

I know spliting up is not on your mind now but the best thing is to stuck with your kids and you already sound like a `~*Super MOM*~`.
If you can do all that Girl!! You can lead a life of ur own.
You want ur dreams to come true and hope they do but he is stopping ur dreams from happening...when you were lil' if someone stop ur dreams from happening what would you do?
U would kick them out of your life...So i hope you do so soon coz I know you can find a better man.

Answer 4

You can't fix your husband but you can fix you. I weighed the situation and I put myself in your life. The first thing I would do is look at me, what can I do to invest in myself so that I start to feel better. I also incorporated things that I do in my life that keep me happy, motivated and love life. I have to look and feel good, I spend 2hours EVERY DAY exercising and or working out, regardless of kids, indifferent spouse, work, home, nothing stops me from doing this, it relieves the stress in my life and my body is in excellent shape. I don't care if you run, walk, jumprope, box, free weights, spin, what ever it takes to get you into a grove that you look forward too. I play tennis and I love it, it isn't work if you enjoy it! Secondly I would look at my features, hair, skin, nails. Pammper the hell out of yourself, spend the time it takes to fix your hair, give yourself facials regularly, do your nails or get them don, regularly, get your teeth bleached, buy new undies and sexy clothes. Bond with someone in your family and develop those relationships, DO NOT focus or shift your attention on what your spouse thinks or says, regardless. Don't engage in any disagreements with him and DON"T make any disparaging comments no matter how tempting or provoked you get. a Let what ever he says or does go in one ear and out the other. Be nice to him without giving up any of the goals your are about to commit to with me! You have to come first in your life or you can't be successful at other things. It is not a selfish mentality, quite the opposite. The happier and content you are the more effective you become as a parent, employee, spouse, sister, daughter, lover, friend. You get the idea. Don't put off starting the I want to be the best I can be 4b ME program one day. Look for the positive side in everything that you undertake or have to deal with, make yourself write down 10b things positive everytime you get in to a negative mind set or feel depressed or even consumed with self pity or loathing. I don't care if it's a simple miniscual thing make yourself see and look for the good in everything. Pretend that your husband is a stranger, how do you treat strangers? Reserved, kind, friendly? Treat him corrdially don't give him a minute of your time, make him earn it. Don't assume all of the work load and bill paying give him his fair share, do it, he'll be a better man. If your children are at the age where they can pitch in make them do so and free up some you time. Journal everyday, see your progress or your hold ups and take action. DON'T Set your self up to fail, take a little at a time and keep it steady and slow so you don't fall. Create an abiration, get a picture of what your ideal goal for what your working on and put in a place that you see it everyday, it will come to be if you keep your mind charged and unswayed by outside criticism and influence. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the failures and accomplishments in your life, don't shift blame or give someone the ability to smash your dreams and goals. IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH YOU WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. Get a source of support, I'll help you if you want so that you can get things done the way you want them done. After we get you going and in agroove I will tell you some ways that you can make your spouse come to the party if you want him to, or get out of the relationship. Ready, lets start!

Answer 5

it's sounds like you have done all that you can to make this work but it defiantly take two people working together to make it work. you need to communicate to him if he doesn't listen maybe you can put your feeling in writing and give it to him once you have expressed what you want and what you need the balls in his court to do something about it. remember people treat us the way we allow them to, and you CAN NOT change or control anyone but yourself. Take control of your life and do what you have to do for the best of your children and yourself. stay strong and keep going one day at a time till you get where you want to be.

Answer 6

Divorce his smelly @ss you & your kids will be happier.
Kids know when their parents are unhappy and it affects them deeply. Please save yourself & your kids and get out b4 more damage is done. There are a lot of agencies out there that can help you. It won't be easy but the end result will be worth the initial trauma of ending a bad marriage.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

YOU SAID HE DOES NOTHING FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS .YOU ALSO SAID HE HAD A MEDICAL COND.THAT HE WOULD'NT GET HELP FOR.AND HE IS SMELLY BECAUSE HE WONT TAKE A BATH .........A PERSON HAS TO FIRST CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY CAN CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE ..I DON'T MEAN ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF FIRST I MEAN IF YOU DONT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS,,YOU ARE LETTING HIM WIN THIS AND YOU DONT HAVE TO ...I KNOW IT IS EASIER SAID THEN DONE BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY SUPPORT PLZ TAKE IT FROM WHOEVER HAS OFFERED TO HELP AND GET OUT ..IF YOU HAD A JOB OR VOLUNTEER SOME WHERE ..GETS SOME SINCE OF INDEPENDECE YOU WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS WOULD KNOW HEY MOMMY IS GOING TO BE OK ..DONT LET YOUR KIDS THINK ITS OK TO SETTLE FOR LESS...IF YOU DO THEY WILL NEVER TAKE A STAND IN LIFE ..GOOD LUCK TO YOU SWEETIE .I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU

Answer 8

Divorce.

Answer 9

Just remember that NO woman or even HUMAN is worth being treated liek that. Once you figure that out, it will be easy for you to be just a little selfish and get away from him to make your life! you're worth more then that!

Answer 10

Move, divorce, start a new life and career, if necessary. Why put yourself through an unhappy and unfulfilling situtaton.

Get out NOW!