While I was pregnant my husband planned a work trip to Texas and took a few extra days to go to south padre island during spring break. He went on the trip when our son was only 3 months old. Also, he tanned, dieted, cut his hair and shaved his body, meanwhile i was left at home with our 3 month old son and dog and no family or neighbours even nearby. How does one deal with this? He says he loves me and makes up all these reasons why its no big deal. Is it?? Please give your advice, would you leave? But then what??
2006-08-30 18:47:48 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why is he intentionally leaving you home? I am sorry, but it looks very selfish and self-serving on his part. Why would he go thru so much changing just to go on a work trip? It all looks very suspicious to me and I am sure it would to any wife or husband. It is a big deal, because he is choosing to leave his family at home while he's off having a good time. I wonder if he has ever thought...hmmm...wife's home alone, should I worry? Plain out tell him how YOU feel and this is a big deal to you. He sounds like he is taking you for granted and feels very secure leaving you home alone.
2006-08-30 18:56:15 · answer #1 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being a new parent is stressful and new to both parents. He needed some "me" time and he took it. It doesn't mean that he loves you less. Men are better than women when it comes to taking that "me" time, the men are usually not as attached to the little babies. (Breastfeeding and such you know.)
Did you tell him, while he was planning the trip, that you didn't want to be alone? Did you tell him how you felt about him going away to be pampered while you had to take care of the home, dog and baby? That is where you start dealing with this. His answers to what you said while he was still planning.
A small baby is hard to leave for a new mother, but it's not impossible. If it matter so much to you then you can plan your own trip somewhere to get pampered. If money is a problem then go visit a friend over the weekend. No baby, no dog and just relax and be adult and free of worries a couple of days.
Why should you leave? Because he took time to care about himself and you didn't? Why can't you take time to care about yourself and still be married to him? Or is the "shaved his body" part some sort of code for him breaking the marriage bonds?
2006-08-31 02:05:47 · answer #2 · answered by *duh* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is one thing for your husband to have to go on a work trip, but to do what he did,by having the extra "play time", is totally uncalled for. Did you know he had this nature when you married him? I mean, if you saw this in him, and knew this was who he was, then I gather it didn't bother you until you had a baby, more responsibilities and no help while he was away doing his own thing? It sounds to me like you guys have some big issues to talk about here. I don't think we can give you an answer, you have to find it and learn it from within yourself. How much do you want to be with him? Can you guys get marital counseling?It sounds to me like you need help in a serious way! I am sorry that your 3 month old baby is involved in any of this situation. I hope you both wake up and realize what you have and provide the love and attention your baby needs!! It is so easy nowadays for people to just say, "get a divorce"! Is that an answer? Only the two of you know and you need to begin working on communicating what you want, and what he wants, and what you consider acceptable etc. Want to know my opinion? I would tell you that if my husband left to go and have work/play time when we had a 3 month old? He wouldn't have found me nor our baby and house there as he had left it, ya know what I mean? It sounds to me like your hubbie needs to grow up and realize what he is responsible for, and that you guys are a married couple and what that means. My heart goes out to you and wish you the best! In time, your picture will be clear, as your heart will tell you what is right. Good luck!
2006-08-31 03:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your self to what extent is this reality and what extent is post partum? Leaving you and your 3-month-old son alone is selfish, but most men don't see it that way. They only see their mortality after that first Son/Daughter is born and try to regain some of the manhood they had before the wife and kids entered the picture. You have a lot on your plate right now, A newborn, post partum stress, baby weight, etc... I don't condone the extended work week he took, he needs to suck it up and BE THE MAN he promised he'd be when he put that ring on your finger, but you need to put your self in a better place mentally right now. Only then will you have the confidence and knowing to do what's right for you and your son.
P.S. why not take up a mommy and me class to meet some other moms who might be in the same boat? It beats the hell out of trying to get advice from the dog!
2006-08-31 02:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay if it's no big deal then next year you plan a trip to spring break and do all the things he did and then you can tell him it's no big deal. The dude went down there to get laid, no doubt about it, whether he did or not i don't know, more than likely. Would i leave, not sure, but if i did i would be smart about it, woman always screw up because they just jump up and leave, ladies if your gonna do it do it right, (that is of course if its because of a cheating etc, man) The first thing ya gotta do is learn to suck up all the anger etc. and act as if nothing is wrong, gotta keep him off his guard, then you start planning everything you want you put the plans in motion to get but never tipping your hand as to what you are doing, when all is accomplished then you run for the hills and don't look back.. GL
2006-08-31 01:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by whitebeanner 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Looks like he is on the loose.. i suggest u do a bit of investigating(dun get caught by your hubby), the most simple checking are receipts.. see the receipts are for 2 or for one person... if u notice that there are like flowers bought or small gifts bought for women and u are not receving all the presents.. then i think u shld clear ur mind... doll urself up again and then ask him about the receipts. if he cannot give u an answer or he is trying to humor u .. and u can no longer feel the love between u and him.. i suggest u leave him.. and find man that can truely take care of u . dun be a yellow face housewife... dun lose your sex appeal.. having to take care of a 3m baby does not mean u have to give up your sesenual self.. u can be beautiful again... show him u still have the appeal... maybe that will change and improve ur relationship.... take lynette in desperatie housewife.. she had 4 kids.. and still a working women... u can do it... be tough a bit... dun act as a weak women.. take it in your stride... truat your feelings.
2006-08-31 04:10:58 · answer #6 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is a big deal. your hubby is still a child inside. of course i don't know how old is he, maybe he is really a child. so honey, when u were marrying him u probably saw what u were taking, so now either leave him or stop complaining. if u leave him i don't know what will happen to u, and honestly i don't care, u should have thought all this through before u started having a baby. now i can tell u as an experienced woman - he will not change. he might love u, but with the love of a child to his toy. smtimes a child abandones his toy for another newer toy, but if it is his favorite he will come back. or not. u can not predict a child
2006-08-31 02:08:44 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have sat down with you and talked about the work trip opportunities with you. I would have talked about my concern I had of being away from you and my son. I would have told you the benefits of such a work trip and get your feelings. He may feel it is no big deal to HIM, but what about YOU? If you are no longer in he equation of his life, then the question of whether to leave or not is obvious.
2006-08-31 01:59:13 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I would not leave, unless I found out that his little vacations involved something between the sheets. I WOULD make sure he had taken his last trip away alone. It sounds like he gets into his work trips just a little too much to be trusted to take them without you.
2006-08-31 01:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think that some men do that not to hurt their wife but just to see if they still have that vibe to get women and if you all have been married for a long time then yes he just did it to to keep that felling a man needs no don't leave because it was just a trip maybe you should take you one and see how reacts to you being gone men don't know how to tell us their felling the way we can so they will always do something to hurt us but trust that it was no big deal until he give you more reasons to say other wise good luck
2006-08-31 01:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by sassyladytee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋